Street Soldiers (1991)

Street Soldiers (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Lee Harry

Starring: Jun Chong, Jeff Rector, Katherine Armstrong, Jason Hwong, David Homb, and Jay Richardson

The JP’s and the Tigers are two rival gangs in town. The Tigers wear less-than-intimidating tiger decals on their varsity jackets. That’s how you know they’re a gang. When the sadistic and insane leader of the JP’s, Priest (Rector) gets out of prison, he makes it his mission to destroy the Tigers. While the Tigers just want to have wholesome fun like dancing at the prom and skateboarding through the halls of their school, the JP’s are hellbent on rape and murder. Just how these two mismatched groups became rivals is unknown. Yes, there is a love triangle at play between Priest, Julie (Armstrong), and Tigers leader Troy (Homb), but that still doesn’t really explain it. (Here’s a tip we should all follow: stop looking for logic with Street Soldiers).

Anyway, a likable Karate (shouldn’t it be Tae Kwon Do?) instructor named Master Han agrees to train the Tigers so they can be victorious against the JP’s. You know he’s a Karate instructor because there is a one-word sign above his formerly-abandoned building that reads: KARATE. Unfortunately for the Tigers, the JP’s have their own “evil Karate instructor”, Tok (Hwang), so THEY are all in training as well. Could the ultimate rumble be at hand? And what does the mysterious Wheelchair Willie (Richardson) have to do with any of this? And what the HECK is going on here?

Street Soldiers is a great example of 90’s Silly. If you go into this expecting a gravely serious treatise on the horrors of gang life, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if you keep your mind open to the fact that a bunch of dudes who look like middle-aged men can caper around while attempting to appear as though they’re still in high school while they get into knife fights whilst wearing funny-looking jackets, then you will be truly ready for Street Soldiers.

Yes, of course, the budget is low, and there is plenty of non-acting/overacting (witness Jeff Rector attempt to out-John Miller John Miller) and the whole thing is a wonton soup of wanton ridiculousness, but it’s not boring. It’s also not quite as unselfconscious as Miami Connection (1987), but it’s heading into that ballpark. Actually, you should probably see it.


The second the viewer sees a bunch of men playing stickball in the streets (with each other; they should probably be playing with their kids) and then get into a “rumble” which should really be a dance-off, followed by a mustachioed Karate instructor taking every last one of them under his wing, he or she realizes they probably shouldn’t be too tough on Street Soldiers.

The most hilarious thing about the movie is the fact that these aforementioned adults were cast as high school kids. Does this exist in the same universe as Beverly Hills, 90210? Because we haven’t seen high-schoolers this elderly since Dylan and Brandon. The cafeteria in Street Soldiers is the only one on record serving not just sloppy joes but Centrum Silver. The gang hideouts for both the JP’s and the Tigers look like sets for a Viagra commercial. They’re getting into gang rumbles when they should be concerned about paying their mortgages.

Anyway, there are some nice editing touches like cool scene transitions, a mid-movie freeze frame (it should have ended the film, but we’ll take it just the same), and a soundtrack with some pretty decent songs on it. There was actually a cassette release of the soundtrack, which features bands such as Lonesome Romeos, The Snakes, Mr. Cosmos, and Benny Mardones – not exactly hip with the kids as they were probably going for, but the adult contemporary set (i.e. the cast) is the perfect audience for it.

The whole “this is really out of touch” vibe is really quite charming. Of course, it all ends with the time-honored Final Warehouse Fight. Throughout the movie thus far, a bunch of seemingly-random things have occurred, such as blues music blaring on the soundtrack out of nowhere, for apparently no reason. Regardless of that, it’s still better than Chains (1989) or Dead End City (1988). Everyone involved gets an A for effort, despite how dippy and, well, naïve it all is. 

Released by Academy on VHS in 1991, to find out the true meaning of “Middle-Aged Punks”, look no further than Street Soldiers!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Teenage Exorcist (1991)

Teenage Exorcist (1991)- * *1\2

Directed by: Grant Austin Walden

Starring: Michael Berryman, Brinke Stevens, Elena Sahagun, Robert Quarry, Jay Richardson, Oliver Darrow, Tom Shell, Hoke Howell, and Eddie Deezen

Don’t buy a house from Michael Berryman. Or a pizza for that matter. And if Eddie Deezen delivers said pizza, you know you’re in real trouble. When college student Diane (Stevens) moves into a spacious Hollywood home, little does she know that the spirit of the nefarious Baron DeSade (Howell) - who is pure evil, yet a homebody (he shouts “I shall live here forever!!!!”) - still inhabits the space. This somehow turns the bookish and cute Diane into a demon-possessed dominatrix, of sorts. 

Her sister Sally (Sahagun), her husband Mike (Richardson), and a potential college boyfriend (Shell), along with Father McFerrin (Quarry) and Deezen, the pizza delivery boy, all cavort around the house trying to get Diane back to normal. After some hijinx involving a demon (Darrow) and a bunch of zombies, something ensues - but is it hilarity? Find out, if you dare.

I’ve never really been a fan of horror comedies. With the possible exception of Dead Alive (1992), usually they just seem like excuses to be neither funny nor scary. However, AIP seems to like them, having released this, and the very similar Speak of the Devil (1991) in the same year. Both have evil stuff lurking in the basement, and neither of them are that funny. But of the two, Teenage Exorcist is better. 

For one thing, the cast seems to be having fun. Unfortunately, it’s not contagious for the audience. You do almost crack a smile a few times, but only because the humor is so old-fashioned. It’s almost vaudeville, and seeing as how Brinke Stevens is credited with the screenplay (although it was co-written with Ted Newsom, though he was uncredited because of a Writer’s Guild issue. I learned this from listening to the DVD commentary. And to answer your questions, yes, there is a DVD. And yes, it has a commentary track. And yes, I listened to it.) - unless she was over 80 years old or so at the time of writing (and looking really good) - it’s kind of inexplicable why the gags seem like they should be from such an earlier vintage.

So that makes Teenage Exorcist sort of a cross between Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) and Repossessed (1990), what with its old dark house and exorcist jokes. Also to the movie’s credit is the fact that it has a title song, a very catchy pop-metal ditty that would seem perfect for Hardcore Superstar to do a cover of. Elsewhere, it has a jaunty score underscoring such scenes as Brinke’s milk box inflating and deflating (a sure sign evil doings are afoot), and her carrying in her mustard in a big brown box as she moves into her house. 

But it does its best with its low budget - it all takes place, for the most part, in one location - the house (it looks like the house from Mirror Mirror 3 (1995). Even some of the end credits are first names only, kind of underscoring the buddy-buddy vibe. And, of course, when the first credit before the title of the movie are the words “Eddie Deezen in...” you know you’re in for a treat (?) But it also has Hoke Howell of Action USA (1989) fame, as well as Sahagun of Ring of Fire II (1993) and Tiger Heart (1996) fame. For a proposed first version of this movie, Fred Olen Ray made a trailer only, and it has Cam Mitchell. Too bad he couldn’t appear in the final version.

So while the title is a misnomer (there is no teenage exorcist in the film - there was supposed to be, but in an inexplicable casting decision, the teenage girl was replaced by Eddie Deezen!), if you’re in the mood for some good-natured mediocrity with a mild sexy edge, Teenage Exorcist could just be the movie for you.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett 

Sunland Heat (2004)

Sunland Heat (2004)-* *1\2

Directed by: Halder Gomes

Starring: Jay Richardson, J.J. Perry, and Alex Van Hagen













Sunland Heat is a average action movie. Alex Van Hagen plays Jennifer. She leaves her abusive husband Daniel (Richardson) and goes into hiding in Brazil. Jennifer then meets Matthews (J.J. Perry) and she falls for him. Daniel won't leave without a fight and kidnaps Jennifer's daughter and sends goons after her. Can she escape from his clutches?

The acting is very weak. Everybody goes over the top especially Jay Richardson and Alex Van Hagen. But the fight sequences are decently filmed, and the locations look great.

In the end: The acting isn't the best, but the fight scenes are OK and because of that it's worth seeing once.


Comeuppance review by: Ty