Alien Warrior (1986)

Alien Warrior (1986)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Edward Hunt

Starring: Brett Baxter Clark, Reggie De Morton, and Pamela Saunders

Buddy (Clark) is an alien from another world. Imagine a cross between Tony Robbins, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, James Brolin, Jesus, and Superman. Buddy is sent by his father to earth to find and eliminate “great evil”. After looking around and asking people if they know where he can find great evil, he finds his niche in a skid row “reading room” where he puts his psychology skills to work. While simultaneously wooing the lovely Lora (Saunders), he also runs afoul of the personification of great evil - a pimp named Mr. One (De Morton). So while Buddy is transforming the mean streets of L.A. by turning gangbangers into devoted bookworms, Mr. One is trying to undo his handiwork - and he has a lot of cops and politicians right where he wants them. Naturally this leads to the ultimate showdown - will this ALIEN WARRIOR be the KING OF THE STREETS? (hey, I had to at least try to use both of the film’s titles).

Alien Warrior (we prefer the alternate title of King of the Streets, as it’s more in keeping with the tone of our site) is an 80’s gem that is well worth seeking out. Its sheer ridiculousness never fails to totally entertain. While it might not be quite at the level of a Miami Connection (1987), Samurai Cop (1991), Geteven (1993), or Deadly Prey (1987), it’s damn close. Think of it as a second-round draft pick if they were forming teams of absurd, silly movies that you just have to love.

The movie seems to be the end result of someone musing, “Man, I love that Paul Kersey character from Death Wish. You know the one thing that would make Paul Kersey better? If he was an ALIEN.” And that’s the good news - don’t be scared off by any supposed “sci-fi” overtones, as there is minimal sci-fi.  What you do get are not one but two wacky alleyway fights, a bunch of blow-ups, shooting, racism, and adult sleaziness blithely mixed with childlike good-natured comedy.  There are plenty of genuine laugh out loud moments, but we’re not sure if they were intentional. But it doesn’t matter. Alien Warrior is 80’s video store fun at its best.

Brett Baxter Clark seemingly gives his all to the role, and perhaps delivers the performance of his career - though to be fair we haven’t seen every movie of his, of course, but this towers over his roles in Delta Force Commando (1988) and even Shootfighter II (1995). It seems Clark really was on board with this bizarre mix of pop psychology, community improvement, and senseless violence. Let’s not forget that he transports himself to earth using the power of his naked chest, and when he uses his healing powers to help a girl dying in the hospital, he implores her to “feel my beard”. We don’t think it’s a spoiler to indicate that she makes a full recovery.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg as far as the nonsensical pleasures Alien Warrior will provide for you if you give it a chance. We’d list more to entice you, but we don’t want to spoil it for you.

In the end, Alien Warrior will appeal most to 80’s fans (there are arcades, breakdancing, and synths on the soundtrack), and people with a taste for the silly and absurd. As of this writing there is no DVD or Blu-Ray release, but there really should be. See it if you can.  

Comeuppance Review by: Brett 

Delta Force Commando (1988)

Delta Force Commando (1988)-* * *

Directed by: Pierluigi Ciriaci

Starring: Brett Baxter Clark, Fred Williamson, Mark Gregory, and Bo Svenson













Lt. Tony Turner (Clark) is a highly respected member of the elite team known as the Delta Force. While stationed on a military base in Puerto Rico, evil Sandinistas (?) break into the base and steal a nuclear bomb. During their raid, they maliciously kill Turner’s pregnant wife. BIG MISTAKE. Crazy with revenge, Turner begins tracking their every move (and killing everyone in sight), and along the way he ends up dragging ace pilot Capt. Samuel Beck (Williamson) along for the ride. While they don’t always get along (the main theme of the soundtrack sounds like a disco version of the theme from “The Odd Couple” - coincidence?), they must fight for their lives as they face a barrage of attacks from their enemies. Once they make it to the hideout of the baddies in Nicaragua, Col. Keitel (Svenson) injects himself into the final outcome. What will happen to Turner and Beck?

Here we have some Italian-made silliness that’s enjoyable to watch mainly because of Fred Williamson, the endless violence (which is more amusing and cartoon-like than dark) and the funny dubbing. It has enough standout moments to keep the viewer interested. Sure, the editing is choppy and abrupt a lot of the time, but that just adds to the charm and uniqueness.  Every movie you see in the theater nowadays is perfectly edited, and it’s just plain boring! Don’t be afraid to let the magic of Delta Force Commando sweep over you. Don’t fight it. Just enjoy it.

Amidst the constant mindless shooting and rocket launcher blow-ups, we should point out that it’s said that as a pilot, Beck is “The Best”, and, of all the possible names they could have chosen as his handle, it’s “Black Eagle”. Nothing racist there. But why should Sam “Black Eagle” Beck be annoyed that Turner is following his every move like a puppy dog, when, despite the never-ending supply of machine guns, Turner breaks out the most effective weapon in war: a slingshot! It’s nice to know that in the thick of combat, Dennis The Menace could triumph in a firefight.

 

 Like any video game worth its salt in the 80’s, there’s an inexhaustible supply of enemy soldiers to dispatch who all wear the same clothes (and in this case, all have Nazi-like black helmets). During the Prerequisite Torture Scene, Beck’s interrogator wants to know if he’s “working for the Contras”. Not only was this very topical, but it will put you in mind of a certain video game with a constant stream of baddies you must kill with your machine gun: Contra! But unlike Contra, Delta Force Commando has extremely inane dialogue, stock footage, and our personal favorite, REPEATED footage.  But you could never accuse this movie of skimping on the action. There’s actually some filler, and the movie starts to lose focus after a time - but it’s going to take a WHOLE ARMY to stop our two heroes. Including tanks!

Mark Gregory (who’s had an amazing career in the Italian film industry, most notably with some of the post-apocalyptic movies) is the main baddie with the ill-fitting, ridiculous women’s shirt. Naturally, unanswered questions about this led to a sequel, the long and confusing title of: Delta Force Commando 2: Priority Red One (1990). Nothing else could possibly explain why there’s a SEQUEL to this movie. Was this financially successful? But in the sequel, which was also directed by Ciriaci, Bo Svenson and Brett Clark did not return. Who would be the best replacement for Brett Clark? Van Johnson, naturally. And instead of Svenson (who wears the same kimono here that he does in The Kill Reflex, 1989), Ciriaci got Richard Hatch (booooo.) Fred returned, of course.

As long as you don’t take it too seriously, you’ll probably get a kick out of Delta Force Commando.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Project Eliminator (1991)

Project Eliminator (1991)-* * * *

Directed by: H. Kaye Dyal

Starring: Frank Zagarino, David Carradine, Brett Baxter Clark, David "Shark" Fralick, Joshua Bryant, Hilary English, and Calista Carradine











Much like KFC’s popcorn chicken, John “Striker” Slade (Zags) is back! Did you ever know it/he went away? This time around, the Strikester teams up with a buddy of his, Ron Morrell (Carradine), a Vietnam vet, and tries to rescue a kidnapped scientist, Dr. Markson (Bryant). It seems Markson has invented a flying laser contraption, and in what can only be explained as a fit of doubt, blows up his nifty invention. After doing this, he was kidnapped by a team of baddies led by the sinister Elias (Clark). The only people on earth that can rescue the scientist are naturally Striker and Morrell, and Jackie Markson (English) is helping them out. Will Markson be rescued? Will the world be safe from flying attack lasers once again? Find out today!

Project Eliminator is definitive proof that long blonde hair and Ray-Bans conquer all. Naturally we’re referring to Frank Zagarino, and, judging by the VHS box cover, he’s clearly the ultimate cool dude/meathead, or meatdude, if you will. One of the many lessons you can learn watching this movie is that a shirtless, mulleted hulk with tight ripped jeans, in and of itself, solves problems in life. 

Never mind the fact that Striker (whose nickname is Striker, don’t’cha know) is ex-Army, ex-Marines, ex-Delta Force and ex-Special Forces (we kid you not), always hits his target, and is, according to Morrell, “Bulletproof”. He’s definitely a man you’d want on your side, and Zagarino and Carradine make a winning team. This movie definitely ranks among Zagarino’s finest work, and from the moment you see him on a motorcycle with his long flowing locks in the wind - and especially when he’s wearing a motorcycle helmet, so it looks like just a morass of blonde hair spilling out of a blank head - you know that if you don’t shut off your brain, this movie will shut it for you.

It seems haters of this movie out there do not have the word “Fun” in their vocabulary. That’s just what this is - fun - and it was never meant to compare to the works of Ingmar Bergman. Though Zagarino is certainly blonde enough to be Swedish - wouldn’t it have been something to see him in a Bergman movie? One can only lament the fact that it never happened.

Carradine certainly gives Zags a run for his money the whole way through: we’ve never seen him so animated. He has energy, he actually smiles numerous times, and he even sings and plays the piano at one point! This is the Carradine we want to see, as opposed to his uncaring, listless performances in Future Force (1989) and Future Zone (1990). It’s pretty clear he was having fun here, as his bolo tie and cowboy hat may indicate, and he’s listed, along with Gail Carradine, as an associate producer, so he gave himself some freedom and it’s infectious. Calista Carradine is on board as well as Vanna.

As for the baddies, Brett Baxter Clark of Delta Force Commando (1988) fame stars as Elias, looking like a cross between James Brolin, Bob Vila and the guy on the Just For Men box. What with his well-kept, classy beard and all. Interestingly enough, Clark played Shark in Shootfighter II (1996), and his sidekick in Project Eliminator is none other than David “Shark” Fralick, who is credited as just David Shark, playing...wait for it...SHARK! Seeing as how Fralick is also a muscular, long-haired, blonde meathead, when he and Zagarino fight it’s like a Mortal Kombat "Mirror Match". It’s very hard to tell who’s who. 

Early in the movie, some baddies attempt to rob a store using rubber President masks. Obviously 1991 was a huge year for said masks, as Point Break also was released.

Director Dyal directed Trained To Kill (1990) the year before this and was obviously preparing for the brain cell-depleting fights and shootouts, pew pew laser shots, inane dialogue and unbridled Zagarinoness on full display here. Containing some rewindable moments, Project Eliminator is brainless fun at its best.

Also check out a review from our buddy The Goodkind!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Shootfighter II (1995)

Shootfighter II (1995)-* * *

Directed By: Paul Ziller

Starring: Bolo Yeung, Brett Baxter Clark,  William “Billy” Zabka, Chase Randolf, and Michael Bernardo











Shootfighter II is just as good as the first one.

Shingo and the gang are back for more of the World’s Deadliest Sport (Which is Shootfighting, duh).

When the movie opens, we see some familiar pants. You’ve heard of “Blockbuster Pants”, now there are Shootfighting pants. As you remember from the first movie, they are black sweatpants with big pink patches.
The man wearing the pants is running from the new shootfighting ringleader in Florida, Lance. He is an ambitious and deadly man.

Cut to a James Brolin doppelganger, a cop named Rawlins (Randolf) asking the question “Do you know anything about a shootfighting ring in Miami?” to Nick, Ruben and Shingo. Rawlins wants to go undercover and bust the new shootfighting ring because his son died in it. Rawlins also recruits a dock workin’ badass named Shark (Clark) who resembles a lost Swayze brother. An uneasy alliance is forged between Nick, Ruben, and Shark.

Nowhere is this tension better exemplified than in the scene where Ruben notices Shark’s tattoo. Ruben glibly notes that it looks "Like a tuna fish to me." Whereupon Shark delivers the immortal line (groan) “It’s a shark, buttwipe” (groan again). Also groan-worthy is Shark inexplicably nicknaming Ruben “Waterboy” for the rest of the movie.

The new gang enters Lance’s strongman competition where it eventually leads to an underground shootfighting match. They fight baddies such as a black guy who looks like “Dee Jay” from the then-current game “Street Fighter II”, a guy who eats raw meat, and Sargon, Anatoli, Khan, and Grunner.



The audience for “The best entertainment on the planet!” consists of 7 or 8 bloodthirsty rowdy jackasses, one of whom closely resembles Singer-Songwriter-Pianist Randy Newman. Who knew?

There is a subplot involving Ruben and some British waitress who works for Lance. She has a very nice apartment for a single woman on a shootfighting waitress salary. They go to a party where one song continuously plays: “Take me to your house”, and we debated whether the lyrics were "Take me to your high house" or "take me to your high horse". Only the viewer can decide...either way it is catchy!

In the end, Lance kidnaps Shingo, a terrible secret is revealed and Rawlins joins the fray in the shootfighteriffic climax. Will Lance make his casino? Will his assistant “Joseph Stalin” get his comeuppance? Will Shingo fight?

Find out the answers to these questions and much, much, MUCH more in this rousing sequel where the action is as bone-crunching as the dialogue is flat. It caps off with an awesome freeze frame and thus concludes this Bolotastic sequel for the ages!


Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett