The Revenger (1989)

The Revenger (1989)-* * *

Directed by: Cedric Sundstrom

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Oliver Reed, Jeff Celentaro, Nancy Mulford, and Arnold Vosloo













Mike Keller (Zagarino) lives to play smooth jazz on his sax. Interrupting his quest to achieve ultimate smoothitude, his buddy Mackie (Vosloo) shows up at one of his gigs one night and forces him at gunpoint to drive him and his supposed snuff/porno films and cash to criminal kingpin Jack Fisher (Reed). Though innocent, Keller serves jail time in the aftermath of this escapade. Once out of the slammer, he just wants to put back the broken pieces of his life with his loving wife Lisa (Mulford). But Fisher and his goons believe Keller still has the missing money, $500,000 to be exact. So Fisher kidnaps Lisa. Keller then calls upon his old Vietnam compatriot Harry (Celentano) to help him rescue her. Then they go on the run in the country for a while. Throwing caution to the wind, Keller blatantly disregards the fact that “Revenger” is not a real word, and summons all his best revengering skills for his revengering mission. Will he succeed?

The first thing you will see when you pop The Revenger into your VCR (or now DVD player) is a shirtless Frank Zagarino doing his workout routine. The intellectual levels of this film do not rise from here on out. This movie happens to be the second best Zags movie we’ve seen to date, the best being Striker (1987). Both are AIP releases. Could this be a coincidence? The Zagster never should have zigged from AIP. He clearly did his best work there, and the quality of his releases only went downhill from here. But this was released in the magic year of 1989, possibly the best and most fruitful year for video stores in the VHS era. So everyone was winning back then, and Zags and his comrades got swept along for the ride.

Arnold Vosloo is on hand, but for an unfortunately short amount of time. He barely warrants a credit, only appearing at the end of the end-credits listing. His 80’s coolguy sport coat with the rolled-up sleeves at least should have warranted a higher placing in the cast. Zagarino’s eyepatchioed war buddy strongly resembled Timothy Bottoms, and he even has a poster for the movie Zachariah (1971) on his wall. Of course there’s the obligatory Zags shower scene (ugh), and naturally, Keller is an “ex-Marine”. But now his buddies call him “The Saxman”. But we don’t care what anybody says: we love Oliver Reed, even in his “down on his luck” career phase. He provides more entertainment value when he’s just phoning it in than most actors do when they’re trying their best. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Sporting a ridiculous (fake?) walrus mustache that makes him look like Mario, Reed steals the movie from Zags, but that’s not saying much, anyone could steal a movie from a tree.

We don’t want to be hard on Reed -  as we said, we love him, and it’s not his fault this movie is so dumb. It’s not annoying, it’s just very, very stupid. Keep in mind the director is Cedric Sundstrom, the director of American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989) and American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990), two of that series’ worst entries. Meathead John Pasternak is also in American Ninja 4, as well as American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987), so those bases are covered. He also has a great acid washed jean jacket.

AIP stalwart Steve McClintock turns in another exemplary song, “It’s Still Only Love”, and this song is by far one of the best aspects of this movie. This isn’t the first time one of McClintock’s songs has stolen a  movie. When is a CD of all his soundtrack songs going to come out?  Anyway, The Revenger is almost audience-insultingly stupid at times, but it’s not BAD, if that makes any sense. The only people who won’t like it are people too offended to get their hands dirty with dumb movies, and we presume those people don’t read this site. So if you’re not offended by a little out-and-out stupidity, don’t be afraid of The Revenger.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Skeleton Coast (1988)

Skeleton Coast (1988)-* *1\2

Directed by: John "Bud" Cardos

Starring: Ernest Borgnine, Robert Vaughn, Leon Isaac Kennedy, Arnold Vosloo, Herbert Lom, Daniel Greene, and Oliver Reed












When his son Michael, who is an undercover CIA operative, is kidnapped and imprisoned by the Angolan army, his father Col. Bill Smith (Borgnine) snaps into action and assembles a team of inter-racial mercenaries to travel deep into Africa to free his son. This team includes, but is not limited to: Smith himself, Blade (Vosloo), Toshiro (Kwong), Sam (Mulford), Chuck (Kennedy) and Rick (Greene). All have their specialties in the fighting arts. On the side of the baddies we have Col. Schneider (Vaughn), supposedly an East German with some interests in the Angolan army vs. the rebels, and Capt. Simpson (Reed), yet another character who has his own interests. Add to this mix Elia (Lom) and you have a desert/jungle adventure best suited to Saturday afternoon viewing.

Clearly, the only real reason to see this movie is its incredible cast. Our hometown hero Ernest Borgnine leads the pack with his engaging and always-upbeat performance. It really is a pleasure to see him shooting machine guns along with all the younger cast. We also always love to see Oliver Reed doing what he does best - yelling crazily - whether he technically has to be there or not. He plays a very similar character here as he does in Rage to Kill (1987). Robert Vaughn brings his distinct voice to the proceedings, and a fairly early performance by Arnold Vosloo completes the picture. Interestingly enough, he met and married co-star Nancy Mulford when they met on this film. See, Skeleton Coast really brings people together.

While the many stars on show will draw viewers in, and there is plenty of beautiful scenery and such, the movie is kind of flat and feels like filler at times. It also has some wacky musical stings that seem inappropriate. Really, this is just a star-studded Exploding Hut movie, and it’s also a bit overlong (probably to try to accommodate all the characters).

On the technical front, if you watch this on Netflix streaming, the colors are soft and faded. On the Nelson VHS, that is not the case. The movie looks a lot more normal, with sharper colors. If you opt to buy this movie, look for the Nelson VHS.

While the wonderfully jolly Ernest Borgnine is a personal hero, Skeleton Coast really is nothing overly good OR overly bad. It’s kind of somewhere in the middle. If you’re a fan of any of the stars involved, and you’re okay with that, do proceed.  If not, your time might be better spent elsewhere. If Skeleton Coast was The Expendables (2010) of its day, then Ernest Borgnine truly is the original Stallone.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Hard Target (1993)

Hard Target (1993)-* * * *

Directed by: John Woo

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Yancy Butler, Arnold Vosloo, Lance Henriksen, Kasi Lemmons, and Wilford Brimley

Chance Boudreaux (Van Damme) is a New Orleans longshoreman who is down on his luck and struggling to find work. Opportunity comes his way when Nat (Butler) hires him to help her find her missing father. As it turns out, her father isn’t missing, necessarily, he was a victim of a malevolent gang of “human hunters”. Led by Fouchon (Henriksen), and with his second in command Pik Van Cleef (Vosloo), they get their kicks (and get rich) letting weekend warriors pay them to go on the ultimate hunting expedition: for man! But they meet their match with the fearless Chance, a man they cannot kill. Along for the ride is Chance’s uncle Douvee (Brimley). Will Chance get his chance at glory? Or, to the human hunters, is he just another HARD TARGET?

Hard Target is hands-down one of Van Damme’s best. It’s explosively entertaining and lives up to the promise of a Van Damme and John Woo team-up. It’s everything a combination of those two men could be and should be, and doesn’t let the audience down.

Once again, this is classic 90’s action fun from the golden time when Van Damme movies went to the theater. Back then, we remember joking with our friends that because there’s so much slow motion in this movie, if it was all played at regular speed, the film would be about 20 minutes. And it’s true, there is a lot of dramatic slo-mo, but it’s all for the best. And Van Damme and others get a lot of unnecessarily portentous entrances and exits, which just adds to the style of Hard Target, which is just a tad bit off-kilter. But that’s far from a bad thing. It separates itself from its many competitors that way.

Besides Van Damme and his absurd hair, the cast assembled for this is just killer: Lance Henriksen is great as the baddie who’s so bad, even his piano-playing is evil. Vosloo is also adept at being bad, and his quasi-Scottish (?) accent, well, accentuates his sinister glares. Yancy Butler gives a bug-eyed performance who always seems surprised at the proceedings. But top marks must go to the great Wilford Brimley. In a strange role for him, the barely-intelligible, bow-and-arrow toting, horseback riding uncle is truly lovable and you root for him, even though he doesn’t appear until late in the film. That’s a tribute to Brimley that the audience can grow to love him so quickly.

This movie puts a twist on the time-honored Most Dangerous Game (1932) idea. The formula’s been tried before, with varying degrees of success, in everything from Death Ring (1992) to Avenging Force (1986). But Hard Target has plenty of awesome moments, including the extended climax in (what else) an abandoned warehouse. Never one to be afraid of wasting bullets, Woo pulls out all the stops in an extended feast of overkill. It’s over-the-top fun everyone should see.

On a technical note, the British DVD is longer than the American cut, including more violence. So try to track that down if you can, for the complete picture.

Go down to the bayou tonight for some high-octane, high-quality Van Damme at his absolute best.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Reason To Die (1990)

Reason To Die (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Tim Spring

Starring: Wings Hauser, Anneline Kriel, and Arnold Vosloo










Elliot Canner (Wings) is a streetwise bounty hunter on the streets of NYC who always gets his man. When his number one most wanted target, the sadistic serial slasher Wesley Wilson (Vosloo) escapes the city and ends up in Angelique, South Africa, Canner is hot on his trail and he follows him there.

The situation is getting desperate, as Wilson has revved up his knife-slashings and gun-shootings to very frequent levels. So Canner enlists the reporter/love interest Lena (Kriel) to act as bait. And it doesn’t help that the local cops are always harassing Canner and not Wilson. But it seems Canner and Lena are always one step behind the nefarious and crafty killer...

Because the movie stars Wings and Vosloo, and has a similar title, you’d think this was some sort of companion piece to Living To Die (1990). But it appears to be completely unrelated otherwise. Wings is his usual charismatic, likable self, and Vosloo puts on his best scowl and evil eye as the baddie. Vosloo as Wilson doesn’t say much, but he does have a menacing presence. Plus his kill count is pretty outrageous.

The plot is as basic as could be: Wings is after the serial killer. End of plot. But because Wilson is primarily hunting hookers, Wings must delve into the seedy underbelly of the city. Sure, there’s some half-assed psychological motivation to Wilson’s prostitute murders, but what’s really interesting is seeing Wings as the hero in a relatively strange foreign land, investigating amongst the seamier side of life in a quasi-slasher movie scenario. We tended to like the horror movie elements, especially since the movie also features some decent stunt work in the action scenes. Unquestionably, Wings carries the movie.

Importantly, the Vidmark VHS released in the U.S. came in two versions: one cut and one uncut. Make sure you get the uncut version. Vidmark made it easy enough to do so, as there should be a square white sticker that says “the original unedited version” on the proper tape.

While certainly not perfect, any fan of exploitation or Wings Hauser should find some meat on the bone with Reason to Die.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Living To Die (1990)

Living To Die (1990)-* *1\2

Directed by: Wings Hauser

Starring: Wings Hauser, Arnold Vosloo, Darcy DeMoss, Rebecca Barrington, Raymond Martino, and Asher Brauner 



"Some People Play for Money. Some People Play for Keeps."









In this PM production, which can best be described as a low-budget thriller with a huge film noir influence, Wings Hauser (who also directed the film) plays Nick Carpenter, a streetwise ex-cop in Las Vegas. His friend Eddie Minton (Brauner) is being blackmailed, so Eddie calls in Nick to help sort out the situation. It seems Jimmy Fargo (Vosloo) is behind the blackmail, but there are so many twists and turns it's hard to tell what's what. Minton is a corrupt, vain, selfish casino commissioner, and when Maggie (DeMoss) enters the picture, things get even more complicated. Will Nick be able to untangle the web of deceit and betrayal?

While Wings' direction does expose the film's low budget pitfalls, such as some plot/editing clunkiness and amateurish acting at times, considering what he had to work with, he acquits himself admirably and got the absolute most out of what he had to work with, which is commendable. It's wrong to look for perfection, just give us a snappy, entertaining movie, which is basically what Wings does. Somehow, in this neon-soaked Las Vegas tale, some scenes are very dark and hard to see. But there are many strengths as well to Living To Die.

For example, there's the aforementioned film noir style, which Wings clearly is a fan of. There is some memorable dialogue, such as "I'm not here to borrow trouble, but I can afford it", and "Trouble and beautiful women seem to travel well together". Lines like these could have been said in classic noir movies like Kiss Me Deadly (1955) or The Big Heat (1953). The infamous Asher Brauner's performance here could be termed "Asher Unleashed", as the man goes off the chain with his unrestrained yelling and zero-self-control performance. It really makes you dislike his character, Minton (it sounds like everyone in the movie is calling him "Mitten" and it was only the end credits that made us see his name was not in fact Mitten). But maybe that's the point and Brauner is a genius actor. The jury is still out.

Sadly, Wings and Brauner never worked together again after this outing. They seem to work well together, I wonder if they had a falling-out? Maybe Brauner was jealous that Wings got to race a go-kart against some kids in an outdoor go-kart track. But Wings redeems his cool factor as he cruises along the Vegas strip on his motorcycle, no doubt seriously pondering the questions of loyalty surrounding Maggie and Minton he has embroiled himself in.

No movie of this kind would be complete without a saxophone soundtrack, alternately smooth and blaring, and, to Living To Die's credit, it actually credits the sax solos to one Lon Price. Wings must be a fan. He wouldn't let Mr. Price's blowings go unappreciated.

Featuring an eyebrow-raising unorthodox ending, Living To Die is a good piece of the puzzle for PM or Wings completists.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Con Express (2002)

Con Express (2002) -* * *

Directed By: Terry Cunningham

Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery and Arnold Vosloo












Con Express is a fun flick.

The plot goes like this: Alex Brooks (Flanery) is a special agent assigned to bring down Anton Simeonov (Vosloo) who has a nuclear device. Brooks has to team up with another agent (Ursula Karven) when he gets double-crossed. The Cold War is back and it's heating up...

This is one of the last movies produced by PM entertainment. It looks like they spared no expense (except the stock footage of Runaway Train, 1985). The action scenes are well-shot. The stand-out is the gunfight in the cabin. Flanery, Karven, and Vosloo put in good performances for the silly material.



If you're looking for a good couch potato movie, Con Express should fit the bill.


Comeuppance Review by: Ty

Endangered Species (2002)

Endangered Species (2002)-* *

Directed By: Kevin Tenney

Starring: Eric Roberts, John Rhys-Davies, and Arnold Vosloo













It looks like Velocity Home Entertainment does some of the editing of the movies they release on home video because they all look the same. In "Mafioso: The Father, The Son" the editing of the violence or any sort of action is sped up to make it look "cool". The same goes with "Endangered Species". The DVD box art is not only horrible but misleading. There's a monster on the cover, even though it's about aliens.

Direct To Video legend Eric Roberts is a detective figuring out who is killing people in spas and gyms. The plot is ridiculous, the special effects are laughable. The chase scene in this movie is so inept and badly edited that all you can do is stare at the screen in disbelief. Look out for a scene which features the aforementioned "Fast Motion" to make a car chase seem much faster than it really is. However, the editors fail to notice a man out for his evening stroll whose power walk has now reached epic proportions. He went from a middle-aged dork to Usain Bolt in a matter of seconds thanks to the editors.

If you want to laugh, rent it now!


Comeuppance Review by: Ty