Black Cobra (2012)

 

Black Cobra (2012)- * *1\2

Directed by: Scott Donovan 

Starring: T.J. Storm, Michael Chinyamurindi, Jeff Wolfe, Uri Mafate, and Cary Tagawa 

Sizwe Biko (Storm) is just trying to live his South African life in South Africa, when, under the apartheid government, his father Sipho Biko (Chinyamurindi) is imprisoned. Sizwe makes it his mission to free his father, which may seem like a daunting task, but he has some aces up his sleeve. One, he's a master Martial Artist, seemingly taught by his now locked-up dad, Two, he has a cache of diamonds that he can sell in order to bribe the corrupt prison guards into letting his father out, and Three, he also has some American connections to offload the diamonds quickly for cash. So Sizwe heads to Hollywood, where he meets up with some old buddies.




When his diamond-fencing contact, a sleazy producer named Nicholas Dean (Wolfe) betrays Sizwe and his friends, things go bad. Quickly bad. Now the head of the local Yakuza, Goro Tanaka (Tagawa), the local law enforcement, and seemingly everyone else is on Sizwe's tail. To make matters worse, his wife is coming to L.A. to check up on him. Will our hero be able to illegally sell his illegal diamonds? Well, he's doing it for a good reason, and he IS the Black Cobra, after all...


Not to be confused with the classic Fred Williamson series of films, this particular Black Cobra has nothing whatsoever to do with The Hammer. You'd think the makers of quote-unquote "Urban" films would have been familiar with the fact that a Black Cobra already existed. It's hard not to think of Fred, who will always be first in our hearts, but T.J. Storm performs more than admirably. His fish-out-of-water Sizwe character is a decent person and likable enough. Storm gets to display his Martial Arts moves perhaps better than ever before, because this is his only starring role to date.


To get a sense of what we're dealing with here, some comparison films are: Razor Sharpe (2001), The Ultimate Fight (1998), The Ultimate Game (2001) (also with Storm), or No Rules (2005). If you liked any or all of those - i.e. low-budget fight-em-up flicks of faltering fortunes, you will no doubt like Black Cobra as well. However, unlike those aforementioned outings, Black Cobra could reasonably be described as a "Homie Movie". Interestingly, despite the filmmakers' budgetary limitations, they concocted a stew of different genres here: Heist Films, Homie Movies, Martial Arts, Gangster Films, Fish-Out-Of Water dramas, Foreign (African and Japanese languages are spoken at times), and even dashes of Romance and Comedy come into play. One of the group of Sizwe's pals is named Mpho (Mafate). Because that's not a name we are used to hearing, combined with perhaps some audio issues, characters with accents, or just not the greatest enunciation, it sounds like they're calling him "Info" or "Nympho". I guess it's just all part of the crazy fun.


The whole first section of the film (all the parts before Sizwe gets to Hollywood) is edited with these quick fade-outs and flashes that make it all seem like one big trailer. We were worried this was going to last for the entire film, but luckily it doesn't. Pretty soon, fighting characters are yelling, yelling characters are fighting, or characters are shooting guns and yelling.


We're not exactly sure how you would ever see this movie - it's not currently streaming anywhere but it did get an under-the-radar DVD release from Lionsgate - but if you ever do come across it, just remember this: It's Sizwe or the highway.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Enter The Blood Ring (1995)

Enter The Blood Ring (1995)- * *1\2

Directed by: Tom Oliver

Starring: Benjamin Kobby, Robert Z'Dar, Robert Chapin, Rod Kei, T.J. Storm, and Malibu

After the death of his wife, Punchfighter Luke Genera (Kobby) is struggling to take care of their son, Adam. Sadly, Adam has a brain tumor and Luke's day job as a cab driver isn't making ends meet, so he fights in underground Punchfighting matches at night. His goal is to save up enough money to move from L.A. to Australia because they're working on an experimental new treatment for tumors there. When gangster/fight promoter Sal D'Angelo (Z'Dar) announces a tournament where the winner walks away with $500,000, Luke trains like he's never trained before. Will Luke come out victorious after he decides to ENTER THE BLOOD RING?

Enter The Blood Ring appears to be one of the lesser-seen entries in the Punchfighting genre, at least here in America. It seems its low-budget origins ensured that it didn't get much penetration into the marketplace, even though video stores were hungry for this sort of thing at the time. You'd think that the presence of Malibu alone would guarantee it would be on every video store shelf in the U.S., but unfortunately that didn't turn out to be the case.

Star Benjamin Kobby (AKA Ben Maccabee) puts in a very Steven Niijar-esque performance. While he does tend to mumble (and have an accent), the audience warms to him because he has a likable personality and he's not fighting for personal or monetary gain, he's doing it to save his son's life. 

Apparently this was based on a true story, but is that itself true? We may never know. He also wears a suede vest and no shirt, and that is something we do know for sure. The fact that he's a likable cab driver/fighter drawn into the world of L.A. gangsters will inevitably draw comparisons to Lee Canalito and The Glass Jungle (1988). 

One thing The Glass Jungle doesn't have - or any other movie that we can name, for that matter - is a gangster who looks like Jerry Seinfeld but speaks like Marlon Brando. This very unusual and jarring combination of traits is something you just have to see. His scenes with Z'Dar are quite bizarre (or should we say B'Zar?) 

Further setting itself apart from others of its ilk, ETBR has these interstitial black and white bits where different fighters are being interviewed. There's a subplot about a writer named Thompson who is writing a book about underground fighting, so he goes around with his video camera conducting interviews. Interpolating this "mockumentary" into the main thrust of the film was a nice idea and it helped to move things along. It almost could have been a full movie unto itself.

There's the classic sax on the soundtrack and the classic wailing guitar on the soundtrack - sometimes these things are much louder in the sound mix than the dialogue, which seems to have been recorded quietly. But, any sound issues aside, the chance to see Ben Kobby, Malibu, Robert Z'Dar, Robert Chapin of Ring of Steel (1994) fame, Rod Kei of Ring of Fire (1991) fame, and T.J. Storm of The Ultimate Game (2001) fame all together is surely worth your time. (Storm and Chapin also starred together in Dragon Fury, for those keeping track at home).


For some classic mid-90's Punchfighting, do check out Enter the Blood Ring.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Dragon Fury (1995)

Dragon Fury (1995)- *

Directed by: David Heavener

Starring: Robert Chapin, David Heavener, Chona Jason, T.J. Storm, and Richard Lynch

"Must...save...the...children"- Mason

A swordsman from the future named Mason, who has attained the rank of “Dragon Warrior” (Chapin) travels back in time to the year 1999 to find a cure for a plague-ravaged world after the big earthquake kills most of civilization. While you might think that if it was invented in the past, they would have the serum in the future, you’d be wrong. So Mason and his partner Regina (Jason) end up having to fight a bunch of people, but the main baddie is Fullock (Storm). There’s also an emperor-like overlord named Vestor (Lynch), but his presence raises more questions than answers. Will Mason and Regina run for the cure? Will future populations be saved?

Dragon Fury had us asking the question, “where’s Joe Estevez?” It really seems like he should’ve been involved, but he’s nowhere in sight. Lack of Estevezness aside, this ‘Fury is junky, no-budget sludge that is essentially a cross between Future War (1997), Abraxas (1990), Peacemaker (1990), and a parent’s video of a child’s school play. It makes sense that Troma released this, because the way it’s filmed will make your eyes hurt, and it will likely annoy you. What doesn’t make sense is that the normally-dependable David Heavener directed it. It all, somehow, feels very un-Heavener-like. Maybe he was preoccupied with his one-scene “special guest appearance” where he plays against type as a nerd. Unsurprisingly, he was probably unsatisfied working on the production, which would explain why he didn’t return for the (inexplicable) sequel. Robert Chapin did, however.

Chapin, last seen in Comeuppance Classic Ring of Steel (1994), takes a step down here with this far more amateurish production. His lovely, lovely locks are still in abundance and they put the hair of most of the female characters to shame. While he’s not the only mulleted guy to be seen, his is truly king of them all. Perhaps that’s why he graduated to be lead Dragon Warrior. TJ Storm makes a worthy villain, and Richard Lynch is…here, but the movie is loaded with stupid, stupid stupidity that will make you feel stupid. Probably the highlights are the Skid Row fight and the Chinatown fight, and if you ever wanted to know what having a lobotomy might feel like without having to go through the time and expense of undergoing the surgery, watching these two scenes is likely the closest you’ll get.

There are irritating characters such as Milton (Loch), as well as some hooded ninjas, and a lot of silliness, and it’s a pretty unapologetic Terminator (1984) knockoff, but the good side is that it’s only 79 minutes. So at least it has the good sense not to waste too much of your time. It’s a prime candidate for the MST3K treatment (either by they themselves or you with your friends). Dragon Fury will make you yearn for the presence of Jorgo Ognenovski. And that’s saying something.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Also check write-ups from our buddies: Bleeding Skull and Fist Of B-List! 

Breathing Fire (1991)

Breathing Fire (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Lou Kennedy, Brandon Pender, and Brandon De-Wilde

Starring: Jerry Trimble, Eddie Saavedra, Jonathan Ke Quan, Ed Neil, Laura Hamilton, T.J. Storm, Wendell C. Whitaker, and Bolo Yeung








Breathing Fire is the family saga of the Moore clan. Michael Moore (Trimble), who is the original Michael Moore and not to be confused with the noted unappealing and unpleasant blowhard who stole his name, masterminded a bank heist and stole plenty of gold bars. 

He has one White son, Tony (Eddie Saavedra in unfortunately his only movie role) and one Vietnamese son that he brought back from ‘Nam when he was serving there, somewhat distastefully named Charlie (Ke Quan). Both sons are Martial Arts enthusiasts and compete in local tournaments. 

When a young girl named Annie (Hamilton)’s parents are killed by Michael Moore, she goes on the run with Michael’s brother David (Neil), who also served in Vietnam. They end up at Michael Moore’s house, where David reluctantly trains them in his fighting style, and many baddies, including Thunder (Yeung) are fought against in the quest to unravel the truth about a highly-valuable piece of plastic pizza. You’re just going to have to watch to understand, which you should do today...

Usually when a movie is credited to three directors, that spells trouble. Just look at Slaughter High (1986). But in this case, it means silly fun for everyone. With its wacky and youth-oriented spirit, Breathing Fire wouldn’t be out of place in the canon of Ted Jan Roberts. Instead of Ted Jan, we get Mark-Paul Gosselaar lookalike Saavedra, who gives us his own personal vision of what a Zack Attack should be. The movie also strikes a blow for the Americans with Disabilities Act, because it features a boy with a speech impediment (Ke Quan) in a fight scene with multiple midgets (excuse me, “little people”), and doesn’t dwell on or exploit the fact. And any movie with a cross-dressing Bolo Yeung simply demands to be seen.

The movie is chock full of great line readings, fascinating T-shirts, training sequences (a lot of which could easily be mistaken for torture), Vietnam flashbacks, and much more. There’s a killer disco sequence, the token female baddie of the gang is of course here, and it all concludes in - you guessed it - an abandoned warehouse.  

And let’s not forget the time honored “young person/people have to prove they’re worthy to the great master before he’ll work with them” subplot involving Ed Neil, not to be confused with Ed O’Neill (though both are Martial Arts masters - O’Neill is a practitioner of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Why Al Bundy himself hasn’t been cast in any Breathing Fire-type movies remains an open question). Ed Neil should have done more as well. A team-up with Ed O’Neill as Karate-kicking cops would have been amazing. It’s never too late.

 

Despite, or perhaps because of, the three directors, there are plenty of humorously abrupt cuts, and other...what look like shortcuts, on display. It all adds to the entertainment value, and the fight scenes have that Hong Kong-style fast energy. While that style of fight scene is more than welcome, it almost seems out of place in this kinda-sorta-quasi-almost kids movie. 

The whole “brothers in ‘Nam” idea was an interesting concept, and could have been developed into a movie in its own right. But in the end, Breathing Fire is a wacky good time, with both Bolo and Trimble at their absolute best. (Side note: watch out for the Code of Silence (1985) poster at Tank (Wendell C. Whitaker in unfortunately his only movie role)’s house. )

Breathing Fire has got the fights you want, the silliness you need, and the “totally 90’s” vibe you can’t get enough of. And the DVD is dirt cheap. What’s not to love?

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, 10k Bullets, DTVC, and Fist Of B-List !

The Ultimate Game (2001)

The Ultimate Game (2001)-*1\2

Directed by: Jack Kaprielian

Starring: J.D. Rifkin, Jennifer Doubleday, Paul Logan, Kevin Ula Christie, Derek Montgomery, Tony O'Brien, Kristy Allen, and T.J. Storm

Jack Grimes (Rifkin) is a martial artist with a wife (Doubleday) and young son (Montgomery). He’s devoted to them, but he’s also devoted to something else...entering a winner-take-all martial arts competition with “fighters from all over the world”. After all the fighters are sent to a remote island by a man named Sato (Christie), promising the winner a million dollars, The Ultimate Game begins. However, it seems a gangster named Ray Ivan (O’Brien) has his own motives, and one of the tournament fighters, Sam (Logan), is in his back pocket. Will Jack ever see his family again?

The Ultimate Game is director Jack Kaprielian’s only directorial effort to date. While we’re sure he put a  lot of work into making this movie, it seems like someone must have commanded him to stop directing movies forever, and he listened. Despite his best efforts, the movie has a junky, homemade look, bizarre dubbing/ADR, and jarring editing decisions. It also has the dreaded “fast motion” effect that ruins movies. On top of the technical issues, the actors involved are more martial artists than actors, let’s just put it that way.

J.D. Rifkin, whose abs do all the acting, plays the John Cena-like main character. The kid that plays his son Joey, who must be like five years old, gives a more energetic and likable performance. Rifkin is also in the hideously awful Total Force (1997), which makes The Ultimate Game look like a masterpiece, as well as the Don the Dragon vehicle Virtual Combat (1995). His nighttime Tai Chi/flexing scenes actually recall Patrick Swayze in Road House (1989). And to top it all off, he’s a stylish man. His choices in vests and purple T-shirts with hiked-up jeans are quite impressive.

T.J. Storm, who plays one of the fighters and has an awesome name, has had a long career and was even in Punisher: War Zone (2008). He’s also supposedly in Mortal Kombat as “Guest Fighter”, which highlights The Ultimate Game’s resemblance to that video game/movie. There’s even an opponent who dresses exactly like Scorpion in the tournament here. And while this was technically released in 2001, it has a copyright of 1998. At that time, while they weren’t really in their prime anymore, people were still playing games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Those seem to be the main influences on The Ultimate Game, along with Bloodfist 2 (1990), which also has the “madman spirits martial artists away to an island to make them fight” as its plot. Additionally, Storm wears what must be the first Snuggie seen on screen.

After the “plot” gets out of the way, it’s just back-to-back scenes of the fighters on the beach, well...fighting. And while they do their thing, the other characters stand and watch them. So it’s really about 90 minutes of people with silly hair observing the fighting, and more silly-haired people jumping around and kicking the air.

Granted, there is no CGI or wires, which is certainly a good thing...or is it? Maybe in this case it could have used a little something extra, who knows? Sure, you can see all the moves, as opposed to the “quick cuts” of today but...the movie needed some professionalism. But you’ll be able to find this DVD dirt cheap in places that sell bargain-basement DVDs, and for an amateurish punchfighter, there’s certainly some fun to be wrung out of it.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett