Dragon Fury (1995)

Dragon Fury (1995)- *

Directed by: David Heavener

Starring: Robert Chapin, David Heavener, Chona Jason, T.J. Storm, and Richard Lynch

"Must...save...the...children"- Mason

A swordsman from the future named Mason, who has attained the rank of “Dragon Warrior” (Chapin) travels back in time to the year 1999 to find a cure for a plague-ravaged world after the big earthquake kills most of civilization. While you might think that if it was invented in the past, they would have the serum in the future, you’d be wrong. So Mason and his partner Regina (Jason) end up having to fight a bunch of people, but the main baddie is Fullock (Storm). There’s also an emperor-like overlord named Vestor (Lynch), but his presence raises more questions than answers. Will Mason and Regina run for the cure? Will future populations be saved?

Dragon Fury had us asking the question, “where’s Joe Estevez?” It really seems like he should’ve been involved, but he’s nowhere in sight. Lack of Estevezness aside, this ‘Fury is junky, no-budget sludge that is essentially a cross between Future War (1997), Abraxas (1990), Peacemaker (1990), and a parent’s video of a child’s school play. It makes sense that Troma released this, because the way it’s filmed will make your eyes hurt, and it will likely annoy you. What doesn’t make sense is that the normally-dependable David Heavener directed it. It all, somehow, feels very un-Heavener-like. Maybe he was preoccupied with his one-scene “special guest appearance” where he plays against type as a nerd. Unsurprisingly, he was probably unsatisfied working on the production, which would explain why he didn’t return for the (inexplicable) sequel. Robert Chapin did, however.

Chapin, last seen in Comeuppance Classic Ring of Steel (1994), takes a step down here with this far more amateurish production. His lovely, lovely locks are still in abundance and they put the hair of most of the female characters to shame. While he’s not the only mulleted guy to be seen, his is truly king of them all. Perhaps that’s why he graduated to be lead Dragon Warrior. TJ Storm makes a worthy villain, and Richard Lynch is…here, but the movie is loaded with stupid, stupid stupidity that will make you feel stupid. Probably the highlights are the Skid Row fight and the Chinatown fight, and if you ever wanted to know what having a lobotomy might feel like without having to go through the time and expense of undergoing the surgery, watching these two scenes is likely the closest you’ll get.

There are irritating characters such as Milton (Loch), as well as some hooded ninjas, and a lot of silliness, and it’s a pretty unapologetic Terminator (1984) knockoff, but the good side is that it’s only 79 minutes. So at least it has the good sense not to waste too much of your time. It’s a prime candidate for the MST3K treatment (either by they themselves or you with your friends). Dragon Fury will make you yearn for the presence of Jorgo Ognenovski. And that’s saying something.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Also check write-ups from our buddies: Bleeding Skull and Fist Of B-List! 

Soultaker (1990)

Soultaker (1990)- * *1\2

Directed by: Michael Rissi

Starring: Joe Estevez, Vivian Schilling, Gregg Thomsen, David "Shark" Fralick, and Robert Z'Dar

Natalie McMillan (Schilling) is the “rich girl” in her small town, and Zach Taylor (Thomsen) is the poor local mechanic. Before this West Side Story/Romeo & Juliet-like romance can get off the ground, their buddy Brad Deville (Fralick), who appears to be a cross between a lunkhead and a meathead, drives drunk and they all die (?) - but before “The Man” (Estevez) can collect their souls, they realize what’s going on and they all run away from The Man and his partner (again a ?), Angel of Death (Z’Dar). 

This race between life and death intensifies because Natalie reminds The Man of a woman he used to love in a past life. Who will win - those who collect the souls of the recently deceased, or mulleted, 37 year old teens on the run?

Okay, we all know Soultaker was famously tackled by the MST3K guys. Let’s try and put that aside for a moment, if possible, and realize that it is indeed AIP April once again, so we have to put in our two cents as well. Rather than mercilessly bash the poor movie, we choose to dwell on the positive: the first half. Any scenes with Brad Deville - and David “Shark” Fralick does indeed look like a dude named Brad Deville - are gold. 

The “Summerfest” sequences provide solid entertainment/laughs/80’s nostalgia, and the presences of Robert Z’Dar and Joe Estevez are comforting and familiar. To see them working and walking together as an “afterlife team” was pretty cool. And we applaud the effort all around, even if the final result is (pleasantly?) amateurish. But that’s what we look for. Not everything has to be absolutely perfect and we cherish the quirks. But it’s not all a Summerfest bash…

The second half of the movie is boring, dull, and repetitive. Even the powerhouse team of Z’Dar with his unintelligible electronically-lowered voice and Joe Estevez with his black guyliner can’t remedy that. Their characters are supposed to be menacing because of these things, not to mention their black coats. They also disappear and reappear quickly thanks to what can only be described as “Blip-cuts”. There’s also a green special effect that will remind you not of Slimer from Ghostbusters, but of his Hi-C Ecto-Cooler. Zach Thomsen gives Billy Warlock a run for his money, and Vivian Schilling, interestingly enough, is credited with screenplay/story on the film.

So as a glimpse of the end of the acid-washed 80’s, with plenty of 80’s coolguys and coolgirls and their various fashions, Soultaker has some value for that reason alone. Pounding, generic 80’s rock/metal seems central to their lives, though the end credits song, “Somewhere in Paradise” by Karen Lawrence, would seem to contradict that. Yet again we have a movie of two halves - the first being better, of course - but it’s largely sunk by the dull second half.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, The Video Vacuum and DTVC!

Hangfire (1991)

Hangfire (1991)-*

Directed by: Peter Maris

Starring: Jan Michael-Vincent, Brad Davis, Lee De Broux, Kim Delaney, Yaphet Kotto, George Kennedy, Ken Foree, Lyle Alzado, James Tolkan, and Lou Ferrigno












Kuttner (De Broux) is an inmate at the New Mexico State Penitentiary. At his parole hearing, he is determined by the board, including by psychologist Maria Slayton (Delaney), to be an extremely dangerous psychopath.  During a freak accident involving a poison gas cloud that is a really stupid pretext for a prison escape, Kuttner, along with his eyepatchioed right-hand man, uncannily enough named “Patch” (Tolkan), kidnap a bunch of people  - one of which is Maria - and take an entire Western-style town hostage. 

Maria’s husband, Isaac “Ike” Slayton (Davis), who is a Vietnam vet and also a town sheriff,  teams up with his buddy Billy (Foree) to take down the baddies. But the National Guard is called in, and their leader is the hard-headed Lt. Col. Johnson (Vincent), who doesn’t approve of Ike and Billy’s methods. Who will prevail: Johnson, the local cops (headed up by Yaphet Kotto who is insultingly only credited as “Police Lieutenant”), or the bad guys?

In 1981, The Rolling Stones released their song, “Hangfire”. Most people would agree that by that point in their career, they were past their prime. So it seems fitting that this movie under review today would have the same moniker as a less-than-fresh source. Hangfire - the movie - is a shameful waste of an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime cast. You might think, looking at the cast list, that you can’t lose. Unfortunately, we learned the hard way that you definitely can. 

We’ve been burned before by movies with awesome casts that turned out to be not so awesome. The least punishing example being Lone Tiger (1999), the most punishing being Detour (1998). It’s truly a case of “too many cooks spoiling the broth”. Don’t be fooled by the stellar cast. It only makes you wonder: “Why would they all agree to this?”

The talent of pretty much everyone in the cast is completely wasted in this cliche-ridden (in a bad way), lackluster, unfun, overly-serious slog. George Kennedy has a throwaway role as a prison warden. Nothing is done with it. Same with Kotto as the cop. Kim Delaney says almost no dialogue in the movie. JMV inexplicably smokes a pipe, which, sadly enough was a movie highlight. You usually don’t see the gruff, beret-ed, uniformed commander lighting up his meerschaum. 

And here’s the ultimate waste: Lou Ferrigno and Lyle Alzado as prison buddies Smitty and Albert (respectively). They almost could have carried an entire movie on their own, but their scenes together are pointless and incredibly dumb. Along with JMV’s pipe, Alzado’s mullet is the only other bright spot in this otherwise lifeless movie.

The problem is, this movie is not well-written, and thanks to an almost total lack of character development, you really don’t care about what happens. Any one or two of the characters should have had time spent by the filmmakers on fleshing them out. But Maris splits the difference and spends no time on any. That’s the danger of a super-cast. Hangfire is so paint-by-numbers, and so painful to sit through, we coined a new term, “pain-by-numbers”. 

Did we mention the similarities to the also-awful Fear (1988), the dank, dark lighting, and the annoying musical stings? A few humorous crossbow shots and Brad Davis prancing around in zebra makeup (presumably to hide from the bad guys?) isn’t enough to save this dud.

But what’s really insulting to the audience are the unspeakably horrendous gun muzzle flashes. Here’s where it gets to “Sci-Fi channel original movie” territory, with crudely-superimposed “flashes” that aren’t even laughably bad, they’re just bad. Muzzle flashes are one of the joys of action movies, and Maris duly crosses that off his “I made this suck” checklist. Perhaps fortunately, it’s not like these crimes against muzzle flashes ruin an otherwise good movie. 

In this case there’s nothing to ruin. So structurally it’s no harm no foul. Visually it’s just foul. This is the fourth Peter Maris movie we’ve seen to date (though we’re not planning on seeing any more) - the others being Terror Squad (1988) - which featured fan favorite Chuck Connors - Ministry Of Vengeance (1989), and Diplomatic Immunity (1991). Let’s put it this way: we’d trade this whole cast for one Chuck Connors.

The excellent cast is just a distraction - even a misdirection in true grifter style - to the fact that Hangfire is a movie you must avoid.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Samurai Cop (1989)

Samurai Cop (1989)-* * * *

Directed by: Amir Shervan

Starring: Matt Hannon, Robert Z'Dar, Joselito Rescober,  Mark Frazer, Melissa Moore, and Gerald Okamura












 Attempting to describe Samurai Cop is not easy. It’s like director Amir Shervan and everyone else involved made this movie without having ever seen another movie before. Only having HEARD of something called a “movie” and trying to make one themselves, sight unseen, with nothing to compare it to. Thus, Samurai Cop is chock full of non-actors giving hilarious line readings, absurd dubbing, and hacksaw editing consisting of various scenes of strange-looking people attempting to communicate with each other in ways human beings have not yet seen.

This is probably pointless, but  here’s the plot: the evil Katana gang is causing all sorts of trouble in the L.A. Area. Chinese and Japanese gangs are at war and there is violence everywhere. Luckily, the LAPD has an ace in the hole: Joe “Samurai” Marshall (Hannon), a long-haired, orange-skinned freak who just learned English a few weeks ago. They called him in from San Diego because of some sort of expertise in Japanese culture, hence his nifty nickname. They team him up with Frank (Frazer), presumably because of his mastery of reaction shots.  Peggy (Moore, who apparently has taken this film off her resume) is a female cop helping them out, because Yamashita (the non-Japanese Z’Dar), Fujiyama (Rescober), and Gerald Okamura as...wait for it...OKAMURA are a serious gang to be reckoned with  Back at the police station, the angry chief to end all angry chiefs is Captain Roma, the apoplectic but somehow lovable boss.

This movie is absolutely hilarious. The dubbing alone is worth the price of admission. Supposedly found languishing in a vault in Italy and brought to light by Italian cinephiles which led to its eventual DVD release on Media Blasters (complete with a funny Joe Bob Briggs commentary track), Samurai Cop stands alone in its charming, winning, violence-and-nudity-packed ineptitude.

But top honors must go, not to stalwarts Robert Z’Dar and Gerald Okamura, but to American hero Matt Hannon. Not credited with any other movie, and supposedly a one-time bodyguard for Sylvester Stallone, this man is amazing. Perhaps the ultimate meathead, he makes Chip Mayer look like Joe Lara, whatever that means. The fact that “Samurai” Joe Marshall is supposed to be this great womanizer is too funny.  He’s so unbelievably wooden, he makes the Amazon rainforest look barren. And his quasi-nudity doesn’t help matters. (Nor does the quasi-nudity of Z’Dar and Okamura, but it is balanced nicely with some softcore porn-type scenes that pad out the inexplicable 96-minute running time).

Perhaps director Shervan was going for a Lethal Weapon/Miami Vice sort of thing, but the stunning lack of continuity or any sort of pacing make the movie seem like a complete absurdity, almost a surrealist film. Due to its breaking of just about every rule of filmmaking, it seems like a child made it. While watching the movie, you can’t help but ask yourself “where did they find these people?” Apparently it was named Samurai Cop to cash in on the whole Z’Dar-Maniac Cop connection - but just ignore the misleading box art. Comparisons could also be made, at least in the buddy cop department, to Action U.S.A, but Frank is no Panama, sadly. Naturally it all ends in the time-honored “Final Field Fight” after Frank and Joe have killed all the mulleted goons around.

An awesome, one-of-a-kind movie that seems like it was made on another planet, Samurai Cop is a classic for the ages.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Merchants Of War (1990)

Merchants Of War (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Peter M. Mackenzie

Starring: Asher Brauner, Jesse Vint, and John Barrett


"He was the one man who made war on the war makers."










He's back...for some reason! The monosyllabic mullet-head returns for the better of his two headliners. And you thought his hair was his only headliner (Groan).

Asher Brauner, of American Eagle (1989), as if you didn't know, is back this time as Nick Drennen, a mercenary badass called in to do "one last mission"  - dismantle a middle-eastern terror sect in Angola. While there, he is captured and subjected to the prerequisite tortures. While there, he befriends a young boy and names him "Bugsy" because his African name is too complex for him (and because when they first met Drennen was eating bugs to survive. Bugsy gave him some Ostrich jerky and their bond was formed).

Let's not forget Drennen has some brothers in arms from his days in 'Nam to help him fight his way through the baddies. Jesse Vint plays Frank, and John Barrett appears as Tom. Barrett is always nice to see and has had a relatively under-reported-on career in action cinema. He also has a credit as Stunt Adviser on the film. Click on his tag to read more about his other films on our site.

Will Drennen and the gang be victorious against the legions of anti-American baddies after the Government cuts their ties with the mercs?

The good news is that this film is a pretty big improvement over American Eagle. Interestingly, it seems that THIS movie should have been called "American Eagle" and the other one should have been called "Merchants of War". But anyway, the direction is tighter and more professional, and the whole production seems more controlled. And it all kicks off with one killer of a theme song. Imagine a cross between Final Mission's (1984) immortal "Always on my Mind" crossed with "Livin' on a Prayer". The singer, Chris Thompson, bellows about "Merchants of Waaaaaarrrrr" with an almost-perplexing level of passion. He really cares. A little too much perhaps. But we loved the enthusiasm of it all.

Luckily, Merchants has some of the things that make action films worth watching. For some unexplained reason, a team of drunken rednecks is assembled to fight international terrorists. During a recon mission where Drennen gets some local help, he just happens to have an exploding camera. Drennen should have gone after Castro. Another great weapon in his arsenal is a dart in a slingshot. Hey, it's more original than a gun. One of the main baddies, Abdul, has absurd hair that seems to be one of the more obvious wigs we've seen. One of Drennen's comrades is oddly named  "Vincent D'Onofrio".

During the extended torture/imprisonment section of the film, Drennen is subjected to the dreaded "daily laughing". Every day, a man appears in a window solely to laugh at him, then he walks away. Chilling stuff.

It all comes to a head at the "Third World Convention". Just imagine a convention of all the hellhole countries where the leaders come to the podium and rant and rave against America. Actually you don't have to imagine the U.N. Just try and keep me away from this convention. Where do I sign up? Drennen isn't having any of this anti-American dross so he crashes the party and lets his missile launcher do the rebuttal.

For classic-era dumb action entertainment, Merchants will fit the bill solidly.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty