Straight Shooter (1999)

 

Straight Shooter (1999)- * *

Directed by: Thomas Bohn

Starring: Dennis Hopper and Heino Ferch

There's a sniper with a high-tech rifle who is picking off the citizens of Germany one by one. Why is he doing it? Frank Hector (Hopper) is flown in from England to find out. The shooter is code-named, reasonably enough, Straight Shooter (Ferch), and Hector is working with the German authorities to track him down and stop him. Hector was his commanding officer in the French Foreign Legion, and he trained him to be a ruthless killing machine. Only Hector knows how Shooter thinks, and while Hector now runs sleazy brothels and nightclubs, the Germans don't care because the race is on to stop Shooter from shooting. At all costs. What secrets from the past will be revealed? Will we learn the true motives of the...STRAIGHT SHOOTER?

Imagine if Sniper (1993) was about a bad guy, cross that with if there was ever a Trautman spinoff movie told from his perspective of the incidents in First Blood (1982), and that mixture was a low-budget film made in Germany with Dennis Hopper, you'd have Straight Shooter. 

While the intro to the film in the first minute makes it seem like what we're about to see will be that mixture of stupid and silly that we're all used to, it turns out that the tone of the film is actually quite serious, and even dour at times. However, there is some unintentional humor whenever anyone refers to the sniper, whose real name is Volker Bretz in the film, as just "Shooter". This leads to lots of lines such as "Shooter has made contact" and a classic from Hopper, "Shooter is not my friend!" They do this a lot throughout the course of the movie, almost to Brakus-levels. The only way it could've been better is if the shooter's real name was Phil Shooter. Or Larry Shooterman. Or something like that.

Straight Shooter overall concentrates on the more serious-minded aspects of the drama and it probably didn't see itself as a slam-bang actioner loaded to the gills with thrills. If you go in expecting that, you most likely will be disappointed, although there are some cool blow-ups (especially the missile launched at the police car), and some other action-esque scenes. But if you see it for what it is, and not what you think it should be, it's worth a watch.

Why director Bohn went with some computer-generated morphing effects for some scenes, and why he did a CGI explosive device flying through the air, we don't really know. They're a bit out of place with everything else. As you might expect, fan favorite Dennis Hopper more or less carries the film on his shoulders, and his charisma helps things immensely. That being said, Heino Ferch had his moments as Shooter. He's no Gotz Otto, but who can be?


Straight Shooter is a worthwhile movie, but for the most part it lacks much-needed energy. Certainly a little more pep would've helped (and the plot is something that you might see on an episode of Criminal Minds or some such show) but it's not bad at all and we say check it out if you find it somewhere cheap.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Nails (1992)

Nails (1992)- * * *1\2

Directed by: John Flynn

Starring: Dennis Hopper, Earl Billings, Anne Archer, Cliff DeYoung, Keith David, Tomas Milian, and John Hawkes










Harry “Nails” Niles (Hopper) is an LAPD homicide cop - and perhaps the ultimate Cop On the Edge! While his clueless co-workers call him a “dinosaur”, Nails’ old-school ways get results, and you don’t want to get on his bad side. But that’s just what happens when a gang of Cuban drug dealers kills Nails’ beloved Black Partner, Willis (Billings). Nails goes after them with a vengeance, turning L.A. upside down in the process. Not just to avenge Willis, but to settle some of his unfinished business as well. Willis, before his untimely death, was “working on something big” - and it just may be a criminal conspiracy that goes all the way to the top! 

Now back with his old partner, Herrera (Milian), Nails, in his own inimitable fashion, tries to find out how Congressman Stambusky (De Young) and his cohort Noah Owens (David) are involved. And all this while he tries to reconnect with old flame Mary (Archer). Will the bad guys get NAILED once and for all?

Nails is a killer Cop On The Edge movie, and getting Dennis Hopper to play him was an inspired choice. This movie truly is Hopper at his absolute best - his energy, charisma and likability carry the film. He’s angry and drinking from the get-go, just as it should be. Just why this L.A. cop has a Southern accent is never explained (or ever mentioned) but it’s all part of the fun. 

But it’s not all violence and darkness, there’s some nice humor as well and Hopper gives the Nails character charm, in his own unique way. It’s almost weird James Ellroy wasn’t involved with this project, it’s almost like Dark Blue (2002) or Street Kings (2008) in its approach, before those movies came on the scene.

You really have to enjoy cop drama/thrillers (and preferably have seen a lot of them) to properly appreciate Nails. It has just about every cliche you can name - and as we always say, that’s not a bad thing and we need these cliches for our entertainment purposes. 

The Black partner who’s close to retirement, the drug deal gone wrong, the abandoned warehouse, the WYC (White Yelling Chief), the WYC who demands our rogue cop hand in his badge and gun, the echoey guitar riffs on the soundtrack during chases/tense scenes, and of course the Cop On The Edge itself, and so much more. Those of you out there that enjoy these things, like we do, will have a feast here. 

The movie gets further bonus points for being about dyspeptic middle-aged people, not stupid, flashy kids, there’s a lot of un-PC dialogue, there’s no stupid little kid to ruin things, and, the original foodie, Herrera is always seen eating. Usually a burrito. If you don’t like it, take it up with Harry Niles.

We should take a moment here to recognize the unheralded genius of director John Flynn. It’s an absolute tragedy that he’s not a household name, yet plagiarists like Tarantino are. Besides directing the early Seagal in Out For Justice (1991), he also did Lock Up (1989) with Sly, the underrated James Woods vehicle Best Seller (1987), and the Jan Michael Vincent movie Defiance (1980). But the Coup De Grace is that he directed one of the best movies ever, Rolling Thunder (1977). If he directed nothing else but that in his career, he would be a legend in our eyes. But his career making tough, interesting fare speaks for itself. 

Back to the cast, Milian is likable as Herrera, Archer does well in a somewhat thankless role, Keith David fits the bill perfectly as Owens, and Cliff De Young, interestingly enough, plays a guy named Stambusky, which, though different, today has connotations of a certain child molester that are hard to ignore.

Featuring an end credits song by Eddie Money, Nails might be THE classic example of the Cop On The Edge movie. We say see it soon.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Blood Red (1989)

Blood Red (1989)-* *

Directed by: Peter Masterson

Starring: Eric Roberts, Dennis Hopper, Giancarlo Giannini, Julia Roberts, Burt Young, Elias Koteas, and Michael Madsen












Sebastian Callogero (Giannini), the patriarch of the Callogero clan, has brought his family to Brandon, California in search of a better life. They, along with other Sicilian, Italian, and other immigrants work hard to produce wine in that part of the country. But seeing as it’s 1895, railroads are being built all across the country, and it just so happens that the land the Callogero’s use is blocking the way for W.B. Berrigan (Hopper) and his dream to plow his railroad right through their precious wine country.  Sebastian won’t budge, so the ruthless Berrigan calls in Andrews (Young) and his goons, to use force and intimidation to get them to relent. After some more escalations in unpleasant events, it’s up to Sebastian’s son Marco (Roberts), who formerly was rebellious against his father, to rise up and fight back against Berrigan and Andrews’ reign of terror to save his land and protect his father’s good name.  Helping him is Enzio (Madsen), among other compatriots. Will they get their revenge?

Blood Red is a decent movie, nothing great. It feels like a TV movie a lot of the time, and judging by the killer cast,  it should have been a more exciting and worthy outing. Its slow-paced, old-fashioned style might appeal to fans of classic Westerns. Not that any of this is offensively bad in any way, it’s all just a bit bland. A few blow-ups and maybe a bit of gun-shootin’ doesn’t really help much.

Eric Roberts continually has a smug look on his face and is consistently shirtless throughout the movie (we’re assuming just suspenders doesn’t count as a shirt). Also we didn’t know mullets existed in the 19th century. You learn something new every day. And despite the fact that this is likely to be the only Julia Roberts movie on this site, as well as Burt Young ALMOST rescuing the movie, truly the star of the show is Dennis Hopper as Berrigan, the classic Carpet Bagger/Robber Baron/Captain Of Industry (or what-have-you) of the day. When he first appears on screen, your first impulse will be to say “Is that Willy Wonka?” - but once you  get past his fancy suit and top hat, there’s the Irish accent. Yeah.

Interestingly, if you watch the AMC show Hell On Wheels, you may have some idea of what Blood Red is about - immigrants and the birth of the American Railroad, with all the conflicts that ensue. Blood Red may have paved the way for it, but Hell On Wheels is done much better. If you’re interested in that subject matter, check out that show instead. Blood Red is just an immigrant-based variant of your classic “Get Off My Land” movie. Party A tells Party B to get off their land. Party B refuses to get off said land. Conflict ensues. The stereotype is that “GOML” would traditionally be said by a man with a Southern accent holding a shotgun. Here at least it’s some different ethnic groups.

Blood Red appears to be an oddity in the careers of most of the people involved. It might be worth checking out just to see them all interacting in a low-budget Western setting, but on the whole, Blood Red seems a bit lackluster.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve (2001)

L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve (2001)-* *

Directed by: Ed Anders

Starring: Marc Singer, Steve Bacic, Wayne Crawford, Michael Roberds, Kiara Hunter, Charles Durning, Dennis Hopper, and Michael Madsen











Wade (Bacic) is a young L.A.P.D. cop, and his partner and mentor is Sam Steele (Singer). When their fellow cops Alexander (Madsen), Sextram (Crawford), and Meyerling (Roberds), among others, begin throwing wild parties at a house in the Hollywood hills, and getting involved in illegal activities, Wade doesn’t like it and it begins tearing his professional and personal life apart. Steele is more conflicted, and his father (Durning) and Alexander’s father have histories on the force. When all this affects his girlfriend Kimberly (Hunter), things get personal for Steele and it leads to a showdown. Also, the captain at the precinct is Elsworth (Hopper) - even though it’s fairly irrelevant to the plot, it’s Dennis Hopper, and he’s front and center on the box art even though he’s only in the film for a few minutes. 


Anything else you may have read about how bad this movie is, is more than likely true - it has an incredibly cheap, junky look, and even the music feels very low budget. Not that low budget on its own is a bad thing - but what clearly happened here was that all the money the filmmakers had was spent on corralling all these great actors together. Sure, the movie has a killer cast...but at what price?

Probably the most offensive thing about LAPD is that it portrays cops in such a negative light. It tends to leave a bad taste in your mouth. This movie was obviously influenced by such films as The Choirboys (1977), The New Centurions (1972), and Extreme Justice (1993), but it’s all done so ham-fistedly. If someone tried to film a James Ellroy story like Dark Blue (2002) on their video camera, something like LAPD might result. 


The only snag with it being an Ellroy-style out-and-out L.A. story is...wait for it...it was shot in Canada! That’s right, except for some exterior shots (we think), the whole thing was done in Vancouver. Why didn’t they just change the storyline to be about Mounties?

Special note about the locations: In one scene you can see the video store Video Update - their stickers are on many used VHS tapes. We have some in our collections, and you probably do too. Also, there’s a scene at an “adult” movie theater and some characters spend a lot of time in front of a poster for the Romp Screwball Hotel (1988). 


It's all pretty light on action, and what action remains is pretty ridiculous - they were trying for a cop drama sort of thing apparently. There are plenty of cliches, and not all good ones either. Crawford as Sextram looks exactly like Robert DeNiro (or perhaps a lost Baldwin brother). 

Michael Madsen, who’s cool all the time (possibly because of his love of stealing 2 liter bottles of Pepsi), and all the other names (why is Charles Durning here?) make the movie at least watchable - and it is fairly coherent - so this isn’t the worst movie ever made but it’s still pretty mediocre. It was released as a budget-priced (probably a dollar or so) DVD with an unflattering cardstock sleeve. 


We wouldn’t tell you to put LAPD at the top of your list, unless you are an extreme fan of any of the names involved.

Also check out DTVC's review! 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Ticker (2001)

Ticker (2001)-*1\2

Directed By: Albert Pyun

Starring: Tom Sizemore, Dennis Hopper, Jaime Pressly, Nas, Joe Spano, Norbert Weisser, Peter Greene, Special Appearance by Ice-T, and Steven Seagal













"Ticker" is a hilarious comedy...isn't this supposed to be an action movie? For an action movie, it is curiously light on action.

San Francisco Detective Ray Nettles (Sizemore) is a cop on the edge, with a new partner named Fuzzy (Nas). They are dispatched to a crime scene where Irish mad bomber Alex Swan (Hopper) and his gang are hiding. Nettles punches then arrests one member of the gang, Claire (Pressly). Swan becomes enraged and a shoot-out follows, with Fuzzy getting shot and dying in Nettles' arms.

Swan escapes and is now terrorizing the city with bomb threats. After Nettles' always-angry Captain Spano (Joe Spano in the role he was born to play) yells at him, Nettles is partnered with the bomb squad. The leader of the squad is the Zen-spoutin' "Glass" (Seagal). Now it is a race against time as Glass and Nettles scurry around town to try to defuse all the bombs set by Swan.



There are so many uproarious moments in "Ticker". Here are just a few that stand out:

1. All the explosions from the bombs are culled from stock footage, and in one particularly funny sequence it jaggedly cuts to Sizemore's face. He then does a bugged-out look in "surprise" at what he is "seeing".

2. In one scene, there is a bomb-sniffing dog and the cop asks the dog: "Hey boy, do you smell nuggets?" Insert Seagal fat joke here...

3. Speaking of which: Seagal shot this movie both during AND after Exit Wounds (2001) and during that time his weight fluctuated wildly. So when the final film of Ticker was cut together, his weight noticeably changes from scene to scene. Even the many (too many) close-ups of Seagal's face can't disguise the feature-length continuity error that is his constantly changing girth.

4. We're all familiar with Seagal's laziness in doing his own ADR work. He gets someone else to say his own lines. This person sounds NOTHING like him. Ticker is rife with this. We expect that with Seagal, but with Sizemore? A man who doesn't match Sizemore's gruff voice at all did a few of his lines. Maybe the well-known "Seagal Laziness" was contagious on the set.

5. There is a supposedly "cool" shot where Seagal is walking down a hallway in slow motion. It goes on for a good three minutes and it is not cool at all. It is there to obviously pad out the running time and give Pyun a chance to pretend he is Tarantino for a day. Seagal's gait provokes prolonged laughter instead.

6. Watch out for Seagal's "Hitchcock-style" (in more ways than one...) cameo as a bearded jazz guitar player in a club. Nettles and Glass walk into the club and thus Seagal watches himself on stage for a split second. How meta. Not just Van Damme can play a double role.



The rest of the cast is slumming beyond belief, especially Hopper. All of his scenes are shot in close-up and he speaks in an inconsistent Irish accent. Ice-T is in this mess for two seconds as a terrorist.

All in all, Ticker is a "blast" to watch with friends.

Quoth Seagal in the last line of the movie: "Love is eternal and that is a long time."

Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)- *

Directed By: Lance Mungia

Starring: Edward Furlong, Tara Reid, David Boreanaz, Macy Gray, Danny Trejo, and Dennis Hopper










The Crow: Wicked Prayer is another weak sequel to "The Crow" series. They should've stopped while they were ahead. (Meaning the First One).

The plot this time around involves Jimmy (Furlong) who gets murdered by Luc Crash (David Boreanaz) and Lola Byrne (Reid) (Get it? "Crash and Byrne"! Wow, the script was very prophetic with the end result...) and is resurrected to be "The Crow". He wants revenge. Does he succeed?



The movie is rife with silly dialogue and terrible casting. Who in their right mind thought Dennis Hopper could be a gangsta who spouts lines like: "He'll be your homey now and forever more!"? There's no way that could be taken seriously. Furlong looks like he's trapped in the headlights and there's no way out.



Boreanaz goes way over the top. When his voice starts to deepen for no reason when he says dialogue like: "Sorry folks, I'd slit all your throats, but I gotta get to the burial grounds..." you know something's wrong. Reid was trying, even straining to make her character work. The movie has endlessly quotable lines for the wrong reasons. The action scenes are poorly edited also. They couldn't get that one right either?

In the end: The Crow: Wicked Prayer should be avoided like the plague it is.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty

Hoboken Hollow (2005)

Hoboken Hollow (2005)- *1\2

Directed By: Glen Stephens

Starring: Jason Connery, Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper, and C. Thomas Howell









Hoboken Hollow is a disappointment.

Trevor (Connery) is a war veteran trying to take life easy and hitchhiking his way to California. While hitchhiking, a trucker named Clayton (Howell) asks him for help on his ranch. Trevor agrees only if he can leave the next day. Trevor finds out very quickly that the ranch is filled with deranged lunatics who like to torture and kill their helpers.

It's a good idea for a movie but it just doesn't work because the pacing is lethargic and the scares are minimal. Howell does a decent job as one of the killers, but Connery is wooden.



If you're thinking "Hey, Madsen and Hopper are in it! It can't be all bad...." well, I'm sorry, you're wrong this around. Hopper is in this for about two minutes and he basically says the same line over and over: "I'll give you a lift to the next town". Madsen has it worse because once again, as in "The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil” he has an obviously phony mustache. 2005 was the “glued on facial hair stage” in his career. One more thing: Anthony Michael Hall was one of the producers of this mess. Odd....



"Hoboken Hollow" is a very poor flick, that you should only watch if you're a Madsen or Hopper completist (I've seen "Tycus" for gosh sake. Tycus.)

Comeuppance Review by: Ty

Unspeakable (2002)

Unspeakable (2002) -* * 

Directed By: Thomas J. Wright

Starring: Dennis Hopper, Dina Meyer, Lance Henriksen, and Jeff Fahey










Unspeakable is a laughable but entertaining horror\thriller.

Jesse Mowatt (Pavan Grover) is a serial killer who is sent to the toughest prison in New Mexico. The Warden (Hopper) is one mean guy who spouts lines like "I am God!". The only person who could save him (I don't know why someone would do that but okay...) is Diana Purlow (Meyer) a scientist who has a device that can look into people's minds. Does she find the truth?



This movie is hilarious. Dennis Hopper goes so over the top you can't believe it. He also has a couple more "great" lines like ("I want to kill you a hundred times over!" and "I will barbeque your soul!") He really wants to do a lot of stuff. But, then again, he is the evil warden. Meyer goes through the motions. Grover, who also wrote this mess, is very self-absorbed in the role. Fahey and Lance both make cameo appearances and they put in their usual good work. The ending is completely ridiculous. It involves ghosts, Fahey's character and abortion.

Overall, if you want to laugh, watch Unspeakable.





Comeuppance Review by: Ty