Futurekick (1991)

 

Futurekick (1991)- * *

Directed by: Damien Klaus

Starring: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Meg Foster, Chris Penn, Eb Lottimer, Al Ruscio, Linda Dona, and Jeff Pomerantz

A lot is going on in New Los Angeles in 2025. These things called Cyberons were invented, for one thing. They're androids with both human and robot characteristics. For whatever reason, the companies that created them sought out to destroy them all, but there's one left, a kickboxing Cyberon named Walker (Don). Because it's the future, you see, VR is huge so a VR developer named Howard (Pomerantz) leaves his home on the moon to travel to earth to sell his wares. While there, he runs afoul of a baddie named Hynes (Lottimer). Apparently Hynes works for a place that sells black market organs. He has a special tool that plucks the organs out of living victims. Hynes then answers to his boss Kraner (Ruscio).

After not hearing from her husband for a while, Howard's wife Nancy (Foster) follows him to earth. She consults with a tarot card reader named Tye (Dona), but after witnessing Hynes doing his evil business, she is forced to go on the run. She then teams up with Walker, as they are the two most harassed people in New Los Angeles. Also Hynes is looking for "the disc". Then Walker has a Final Factory Fight with Bang (Penn).

Oh, and the latest, hottest game in New L.A. is something called Laserblade, the rules of which are so unclear and incomprehensible (remember those words) that it seems like it was developed by Mitchell and Webb after they finished with Numberwang. Of course, the loser of Laserblade dies horribly from some sort of flash of light. Does any of what you just read have any kind of flow, continuity or coherence? Does it just seem like a bunch of random ingredients thrown together? Apparently the filmmakers didn't notice or care, but that's FUTURE KICK for ya!

For a film with so many elements, there's a lot missing from Future Kick. Namely, relatable, sympathetic, or interesting characters or situations the audience can care about. There's no human element. It's just a jumble. In many cases, movies with a tangled web of ideas without a lot of coherence can be a lot of fun and enjoyable to watch. But there's something almost depressing about Future Kick. Maybe it's the lack of lighting or the fact that most scenes look like they were shot in studio-created alleyways. 

We realize they did that to cover up for the lack of budget, but the problem with that is that it's a dead giveaway for a...lack of budget. As viewers, we don't care about what the budget is. Just give us something we can sink our teeth into. But the whole dark alleyway thing becomes bleak very quickly and it all feels quite dingy. 

We realize this was Corman's version of Blade Runner (1982) crossed with The Terminator (1984). But really it's the same old formula he used for Dragon Fire (1993), Bloodfist 2050 (2005) and others. Just throw in some "futuristic" sets (just turn off the lights in any room in your house and it's about as futuristic as Future Kick), then garnish with a few strippers and there you have it.

Fan favorite Don "The Dragon" Wilson is perfectly cast as a robot, however. It gives his - as we call them - 'wonderfully wooden' line readings a reason to exist. While we were more than happy to see a kickboxing fight between The Dragon and Chris Penn, it really came out of nowhere. Forget character development, there's no fight development! But where else will you see a fight like that? Only in Future Kick, we suppose.

For the Laserblade matches - which are sort of like mental arm wrestling matches where the loser is killed by a deadly camera flash - the audience is clutching some futuristic form of cash and is yelling. It's not exactly Punchfighting, but it's close. Sort of. Laserblade would be a cool name for a movie in its own right, but apparently it was decided the idea wasn't strong enough to support a full movie on its own. We won't tell David Cronenberg that it's Scanners (1981) meets the arm wrestling scene from The Fly (1986).

Future Kick was the one and only directorial or writing credit for a mysterious man named Damian Klaus. If that is his real name. Clearly he felt he said everything he needed to say and that he completed his mission as a filmmaker. I know I would if I had created Laserblade. 

But it must be said that one of the reasons that Future Kick feels like it's missing something is the fact that the running time is just over 69 minutes before the end credits. Maybe the secret keys that tie everything together are on the cutting room floor. But why would that be? Maybe one day there will be a "Director's Cut" of Future Kick that restores everything. Except our sanity and the minutes back into our lives.


But, as it stands, the 69-minute running time is one of the best things about Future Kick. There's nothing for viewers to latch on to, but you don't have to suffer very long. Future Kick remains one of the lesser Don The Dragon movies.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Immortal Combat (1994)

Immortal Combat (1994)- * * *

Directed by: Dan Neira

Starring: Roddy Piper, Sonny Chiba, Kim Morgan Greene, Tiny Lister, Meg Foster, and Deron McBee

John Keller (Piper) and his partner J.J. (Chiba) are cops. J.J. is also a ninja. Keller travels to the Caribbean island of Saint Marta and discovers that a company called HybriCo is manufacturing a race of super-warriors, presumably so they can be victorious in punchfighting matches around the globe. Quinn (Foster) is the lead baddie-ess who controls her nefarious employees, who look like off-duty Ghostbusters. HybriCo’s main success story is Muller (McBee, AKA fan favorite Malibu), an unkillable super-oaf who wears a sleeveless tuxedo shirt with a red bowtie and red matching cummerbund. While in Saint Marta, Keller makes friends with Yanagi (Lister), and develops a romantic interest with (yet another) journalist named Karen (Greene), but while initially J.J. stays home and trains, eventually he joins Keller on Saint Marta so they can put an end to all the madness...but will their combat be IMMORTAL? Find out today...

Immortal Combat is classic 90’s fun all the way. It kicks off with a bang-up opening sequence and pretty much maintains a peppy pace throughout, with plenty of action, fight scenes, and other shenanigans. The filmmakers were in tune with what fans want, which is a rarer phenomenon than you might think. While the movie overall is a winner, truth be told, it is overlong at 109 minutes. If they could have trimmed it down to 90 or less, we’d be talking about an all-time classic right now. As it stands, it’s still a winner - it’s what Overkill (1996) SHOULD have been. Just imagine a Raw Force (1982) for the 90’s - but with more shirtless men punching each other. 

Roddy, as usual, is engaging and charming in the lead role, and he brings energy to his fight scenes. Chiba brings an old-school badassery that’s a nice counterpoint to Roddy. Chiba’s English isn’t that great, which doesn’t really help when he’s getting emotional in the scenes with his pretty, white, blonde daughter (he’s explaining why he has one, which we wish they didn’t bother doing), but it doesn’t matter when he’s doling out ninja stars like playing cards. Besides, it gave off a Chinatown Connection (1990) vibe, which is never a bad thing. Plus, Roddy has found himself in a similar situation in Last To Surrender (1999).

It was nice to see Roddy teamed up with his old They Live (1988) pal Meg Foster, and she does indeed make the most of her role here. We also enjoyed seeing a happy, upbeat Tiny Lister, instead of the usual evil version. Why he plays an Asian (?) man named Yanagi remains to be discovered. Of course, the real star of the show (in all of our hearts) is Malibu, who, naturally as a course of being immortal, grunts a lot and makes strange noises. More than usual. His hair is especially Lorenzo Lamas-esque this time around. 

There’s punchfighting, slo-mo gun-shooting, a WYC (White Yelling Chief), and the whole concept of putting Roddy Piper in a situation with ninja action was inspired. Rounding out the 90’s cred, it even goes into a Surviving the Game/Most Dangerous Game situation at one point. We wish the Karen character wasn’t a cliched reporter role, and had more involvement in the butt-kickery, but hey, it goes with the territory.

Featuring plenty of songs by Liz Constantine, including “Resort To Kill” (also the alternate title of the film, which, presumably, was changed at the last minute to cleverly put a spin on SubZero, Johnny Cage, Sonya, Scorpion, Joe Lieberman, and the gang), and released by A-Pix entertainment on VHS, despite its length, Immortal Combat is a gem and well-worth seeking out. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC and 10k Bullets!

Tripwire (1989)

Tripwire (1989)-* * *

Directed by: James Lemmo

Starring: Terence Knox, David Warner, Charlotte Lewis, Yaphet Kotto, Sy Richardson, Tommy Chong, Meg Foster, and Viggo Mortensen











Jack DeForest (Knox) is a take-no-prisoners FBI agent who’s out to stop an international ring of terrorists led by the fanatic Szabo (Warner). Szabo’s goal is world domination by means of smuggling all kinds of dangerous arms. Helping him are his henchman Hans (Mortensen) and the beautiful Trudy (Lewis). Even street thugs like Turbo (Richardson) go up the ladder to Szabo, who has his fingers in all sorts of illegal activities. 

Naturally, this doesn’t sit well with the tough, no-nonsense DeForest, whose rogue ways...well...cause him to go rogue in pursuit of justice. Captain Pitt (Kotto), of course, doesn’t approve of his “cowboy” tactics. But in a weirdly personal twist, while in pursuit of Szabo, DeForest kills his teenage son. So in revenge, Szabo kidnaps and brainwashes DeForest’s son and forces him, through constant druggings, to be a part of Szabo’s criminal network. So now DeForest must rescue his own flesh and blood, while attempting to “deforest” the terrorist network. Can he do it?

Tripwire is a minor undiscovered gem in the world of video-store action. It starts with a bang, an extremely impressive chase sequence. After this wheelie-poppin’ intro, the stunts and parade of familiar names in the cast keep things afloat. Truth be told, it does sort of run out of steam in a couple of places, but on the whole, Tripwire is a strong entry in the “I’ve never heard of it” action sweepstakes. Another thing that helps the movie is some of the more off-kilter directorial touches, thanks to James Lemmo, a man known for his associations with Abel Ferrara and William Lustig. For example, for the first seven minutes of the movie, there is no dialogue. There are some unusual camera moves as well later on, and the performance of Yaphet Kotto is oddly naturalistic.

The movie continues to hit all the right notes, as exemplified when DeForest is kicked off the force, and becomes a down and out...wait for it...PUNCHFIGHTER! We always appreciate some unexpected Punchfighting. Knox plays an impressive hero, and gets in some good dialogue. Rounding out the impressive cast are cameos by Meg Foster and none other than Tommy Chong. Of course, DeForest has a young punk son who cranks up his 80’s metal on his boombox and has Frank Zappa posters on his wall. But all of that aside, if you were in a video store in the golden year of 1989 and saw Tripwire’s box art, how could you NOT rent it? It’s impressive - and also similar to the Lemmo/Lustig vehicle Hit List (1989). Something about dudes being dragged from cars must really fire them up. Well, color us impressed.

Tripwire is another example of why the 80’s were so fertile and rich with entertaining action. It’s only now that we’re sorting it all out and enjoying everything from that time period. And despite a few minor missteps, it’s finally time that Tripwire had its moment in the sun.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Diplomatic Immunity (1991)

Diplomatic Immunity (1991)-* * *

Directed by: Peter Maris

Starring: Bruce Boxleitner, Billy Drago, Robert Miano, Robert Forster, Sharon Case, Ken Foree, Meg Foster, Fabiana Udenio, Christoper Neame, Robert DoQui, and Matthias Hues











Cole Hickel (Boxleitner) is a Vietnam vet and career Marine. He has a beautiful daughter, Ellen (Case) who gets mixed up with a murdering psychopath obsessed with macabre art, naturally named Klaus (Bresnahan). When Klaus kills Ellen, Cole is enraged and wants revenge. This normally would be easy, thanks to Hickel’s military training, but the worm-like Klaus is hiding behind his “Diplomatic Immunity” privileges and he flees to Paraguay where his mother, Gerta (Foster) is some kind of big shot. After being told not to go to Paraguay by government agent Stonebridge (Forster), Hickel disobeys and goes there (and goes rogue). Once in Paraguay, he meets up with his contact, Cowboy (Drago) and loads up on weapons. Now protecting Teresa (Udenio) from the baddies, which include Klaus’ bodyguard Gephardt (Hues), Hickel must use all his wits to get justice for his daughter and make it back to the U.S. alive. Can he do it?

This is the best Peter Maris movie we’ve seen to date. We were a bit hesitant going in, as we weren’t all that crazy about his past work that we’d seen, but we’re glad we did. Diplomatic Immunity is like a better version of his Ministry of Vengeance (1989). Plus, look at the amazing cast he assembled for this one! It truly is The Expendables of early-90’s revenge movies with Bruce Boxleitner. Speaking of Boxleitner, we thought it was good casting putting him in the role of Cole. It could have been some meathead, but he’s actually a good actor. We noticed Matt McColm among the stunt players, they could have used him. But they went with a more sober and believable direction. My only question is, are Bruce Boxleitner and Barry Bostwick two different people? Can anyone confirm this? Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

Backing up Cole Hickel - which is kind of an unnecessarily funny-sounding name - is a great cast, and we didn’t even mention Robert Miano and Ken Foree, who have small, but important parts. That’s the thing about all-star casts, talented actors don’t get enough time in the sun. For instance, Meg Foster deserved more. As did fan favorite Matthias Hues. But for a 90-minute running time, you have to concentrate on the plot and not get into diversions. Because the plot of 'Immunity is about as simple as it gets - guy wants revenge - Maris laudably keeps things on track, but such a flimsy plot just barely makes a 90-minute movie.

It seems this movie capitalized on the public’s interest for the concept of Diplomatic Immunity, because, for 1991, we presume people were just becoming aware of this term. This was still a relatively new thing in the minds of the public, so Maris was right there with a movie to exploit that interest. It does seem wildly unfair that Diplomatic Immunity could protect any old scumbag murderer who gets the opportunity  to say “I get to go home now scot-free, I plead Diplomatic Immunity, see ya.” Apparently you can be a murderer and get to invoke this privilege. So enter Cole Hickel and his rage that Klaus took his beloved daughter. So that’s pretty much the idea.

Maris should also be applauded for daring to put Billy Drago in a rare (and possibly his ONLY) good-guy role. Diplomatic Immunity is a solid, 80’s-style movie that’s worth seeing. Is it more than a one-time watch? Probably not, but it’s a worthwhile one. If you see it somewhere, pick it up.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Wind (1987)

The Wind (1987)-* * *

Directed by: Nico Mastorakis

Starring: Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, David McCallum, Robert Morley, and Steve Railsback












Sian Anderson (Foster) is a mystery novelist who leaves her posh L.A. home to write her next thriller in Greece. She goes alone and leaves her husband John (McCallum) to do what he seems to love to do most: swim in the pool. Once in Greece, she avoids any metropolitan areas and heads straight to a remote, ancient, seaside village. She rents her villa from one Elias Appleby (Morley), an eccentric and verbose older gentleman. He warns her about the violent and tempestuous “Wind” that can attack at night. Nevertheless, she begins work on her book. When the strangely unbalanced Phil (Wings), a fellow American, now expatriate and living next door, comes calling, the nightmare begins...And how can Kesner (Railsback) be of service? For all answers to your questions, just listen to The Wind...

There’s a lot to like about The Wind. First off, the cast: Meg Foster is a hugely underrated actress and she does a great job here. She’s the ideal focal point for a creepy tale like this and she anchors the film well. Robert Morley was also a good get for the cast and you have to love his “wacky landlord” role. Steve Railsback is pretty restrained this time around and seems a bit confused, but maybe that was his character. McCallum doesn’t do all that much. Last but not least is the one and only Wings Hauser, who with his mustache (a rarity for him) and his strange, menacing affect, plays the ideal antagonist.

But that’s the HUMAN cast. The Wind is a character unto itself in this film. It’s at least as scary as Phil, it gets angry, it comes and goes, and accentuates things. You have to expect a movie called The Wind will have plenty of actual wind, and there’s no shortage of it. The seaside village has a character of its own as well, as does the house Sian is renting. If it’s one thing Mastorakis delivers this time around, it’s atmosphere. Take the Greek locations and quality cinematography, and enrich it with a Hans Zimmer score, and you mostly have a winner.

Mostly because there are some flaws, naturally, as well: In his mad quest to make a giallo-type movie and try to outdo Dario Argento at his own game, most of the motivations for the characters are unclear. And while that also may be true for many giallos, it doesn’t matter quite as much because the Italians pack in so much weirdness and visual verve, it doesn’t matter. Technically this isn’t a giallo, so it does still matter, and because of the lack of polish on the characters, the movie starts to drag right before the climax. Still, for an “Old Dark House” thriller-horror, with Meg Foster home alone and Wings brandishing a scythe (!), The Wind is worth seeing.

Interestingly, director Mastorakis directed Wings again the following year after this in Nightmare At Noon (1988), and at one point in The Wind, Meg Foster uses the phrase “nightmare at noon”. Something about these three words must intrigue Mastorakis.

Released on the fan-favorite VHS label Lightning Video, The Wind is at the very least a one-time watch.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett

Best Of The Best 2 (1993)

Best Of The Best 2 (1993)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Robert Radler

Starring: Eric Roberts, Phillip Rhee, Chris Penn, Sonny Landham, Ralf Moeller, Meg Foster, Simon Rhee, and Wayne Newton









Now here’s a classic! In this lovably absurd sequel to Best of the Best (1989), illegal, underground Punchfighting matches are taking place in a secret club called The Coliseum. The front is a Las Vegas dance club called The Stock Exchange, but behind the scenes, “Gladiator Fights” are taking place (remember, at this time, the TV show American Gladiators was huge). Specifically, fighters dress up in absurd outfits and pummel each other to death. The star of the show is the arrogant, powerful and unbeatable soulless automaton Brakus (Moeller).

When the likable Travis Brickley (Penn) dies at the hands of the nefarious Brakus, only fellow fighter Alex Grady, his young son, inexplicably named Walter (Gross), and of course Tommy Lee (Rhee) can get to the bottom of this illegal Punchfighting operation. To do this, they head out to the desert so James (Landham) can help them train. Oh, and one more thing...WAYNE NEWTON is the head of this evil hydra.

Only in the early 90’s could a mix of utter silliness and brutal violence come together like this. Not only that, but we feel this movie was instrumental in promoting the Punchfighting genre. The Best of the Best series was surprisingly popular in video stores and on cable channels, and many people first got their taste of Punchfighting because of them. So for that, they deserve a lot of credit. Additionally, this was a time in which filmmakers felt that they should get quality actors and teach them to fight, instead of the other way around. That they should get Eric Roberts and Chris Penn, instead of any old meathead. And at least here, the formula works great.

And when we think “action movies” we immediately think “Wayne Newton”. Newton is a showbiz professional and gives his all here, and he, for whatever reason, really seems to care. he gives an energetic, big performance, and his presence sets the movie apart and makes it really enjoyable.  And while it’s great to see Chris Penn, Wayne Newton, Walter the kid (who looks more like a 35 year-old stunted adult), who loves his Tetris, and Eric Roberts, complete with his tomato apron, AND Phillip Rhee, Sonny Lanham, Meg Foster and Nicholas Worth, lest we forget....BRAKUS?

The writers of this movie must really be proud that they came up with the name Brakus, because it is said a minimum of 36 times throughout the movie. Ralf Moeller plays the classic German baddie, and a lot of Best of the Best 2 is lifted from Rocky IV (1985). The invincible Teutonic muscleman is the antagonist, and our heroes must go out into the wilderness to train to beat him (why are Phillip Rhee’s relatives Indians for some reason?), and of course the parallels between Apollo Creed and Travis Brickley.

There are many funny bits, Eric Roberts seems tipsy (if not drunk) throughout the movie, and all is well and good, but even as lovable as it is, it is a bit overlong. If the movie had been chopped down by about 10-15 minutes, we’d be dealing with an even bigger classic. But this is one David and Goliath tale that can certainly withstand multiple viewings.

Featuring the memorable title song by Mark Free, Best of the Best 2 just narrowly makes it into the ranks of a must-see.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Project: Shadowchaser (1992)

Project: Shadowchaser (1992)-* * *

Directed by: John Eyres

Starring: Martin Kove, Frank Zagarino, Meg Foster and Joss Ackland












When Romulus the android (Zagarino) comes to life after a lot of clacking on computers, he and his henchmen decide to take an entire hospital hostage. Naturally, the President's daughter (Foster) is in the hospital. Apparently this is happening because the evil Kinderman, head of ATR (Advanced Technical Research) and the maker of Romulus, wants the President to step aside so he can create a new world order. Obviously the only solution to this problem is to defrost Martin Kove and send him in to save the day. In the future, jail is being frozen in ice. Henceforth it's "Die Hard in a hospital" as Kove uses his skills as a football player and "redneck killer" to take down the baddies.

Zagarino is meant to look like Dolph Lundgren as Drago (see the hair) and his robotic acting suits him perfectly. Speaking of funny hair, Kove, when he is defrosted, has a silly mountain man beard that doesn't match his hair. So, to put an end to Romulus, Kove heads up "Operation Bird-Dog", the most intimidating operation name ever. They needlessly give each other "handles" so, of course, the cries are "Fox to Chicken Hawk, Fox to Chicken Hawk". Couldn't they have thought of something else? What's the audience supposed to think?



The debatably miscast Foster as the President's daughter portrays the character that is always whining and asking a lot of annoying questions. It's not her fault, we love Meg Foster. But in these types of movies, someone has to bear that load.

Romulus has some funny henchmen. One is a fat guy name Zanuchi. Another one resembles Dale "Apollo" Cook.

Joss Ackland tries to rise above the material as Kinderman. He has a great voice for what he was trying to do. When he is communicating with Romulus, he mentions that "Desilva" (the Martin Kove character) is "insignificant". 

Apparently, Kinderman programmed Romulus with a Pee-Wee's Playhouse-style "secret word" in his brain, because he reacts with a crazy robot noise and strange neck movement. This idea is never paid off. Apparently Romulus is one insecure 'bot.

"Project Shadowchaser" is a low-budget mish-mash of The Terminator (1984), Die Hard (1988), Star Wars (1977) and Hard Boiled (1992). It ends with a classic freeze-frame of Kove pouring beer on his own head and yelling "Touchdown!" Classic.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett