The Keeper (2009)

 

The Keeper (2009)- * * *

Directed by: Keoni Waxman

Starring: Steven Seagal, Steph Duvall, and Liezl Carstens

Roland Sallinger (Seagal) is a tough L.A. cop, but after an unfortunate incident involving a corrupt partner, he travels to Texas to reconnect with his old police buddy Conner Wells (Duvall). Wells then gives him a job as a bodyguard, and protecting Conner's daughter Nikita Wells (Carstens) becomes Sallinger's full-time occupation. Naturally, baddies manage to kidnap Nikita, which makes Sallinger mad as they were just getting to know each other, and he uses all of his skills to retrieve her from their evil clutches. But will that be the end of the song of Roland?




The Keeper is surprisingly watchable by the Seagal standards of this particular era. Of course it's silly, stupid, and face-palmingly dumb, but you knew that going in. Thankfully, what The Keeper is NOT is offensively awful, like Kill Switch (2008). Just watching Seagal, with his Eddie Munster hair and funny voice (if that is his voice at all) is worthy of some level of entertainment. Adding to the fun are multiple instances of his trademarked style of slap-fu, and because he's in Texas, his wearing of a cowboy hat. But it might be just to cover up the Munster hair.




Of course, because this is a Seagal movie, several people tell him how great he is at things. Well, Roland Sallinger, that is. He has a knife-throwing practice mat in his backyard (don't we all?) and he tries valiantly to turn on the charm when he's interacting with Nikita. It's moments like those that rescue The Keeper from sinking into the muck and mire of lesser efforts. Additionally, Seagal must have realized that it's really hard to beat Urban Justice (2007) so he occasionally will lapse into quasi-homie-speak. With hilarious results, of course.



His boss in the film looks exactly like Jeremy Irons. He's a "Dead Ringer", you might say. After some thorough research, we found out it was actually an actor named Steph Duvall, who has something of a DTV action pedigree in his own right. He appeared in the Jeff Wincott classic Open Fire, as well as Scanner Cop (both 1994), and Driven to Kill (1991), not to be confused with Seagal's Driven to Kill (2009). We can't say we remember him looking this much like Jeremy Irons before, but here he does. Of course, Irons should have appeared in more action movies himself. But at least we have The Fourth Angel (2001).



If you go out of your way to watch one of Seagal's low-budget DTV outings from the 2000's, you may have some idea of what you're in for, but it's kind of a mixed bag. You might get a dud like the aforementioned Kill Switch, or you might turn up an unintentional (?) gem like an Urban Justice. The Keeper isn't extreme in any direction, but rather it's a straight down the middle Seagal-fest that goes down rather easy, like a nice, smooth beer.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write up from our buddy, DTVC!

The Butcher (2009)

The Butcher (2009)- * * *

Directed by: Jesse V. Johnson

Starring: Eric Roberts, Jerry Trimble, Robert Davi, Keith David, Bokeem Woodbine, Irina Bjorklund, Vernon Wells, Geoffrey Lewis, and Michael Ironside







Merle "The Butcher" Hench is one cool dude. He's an ex-boxer, has a pair of golden guns, and he drives a 1969 Dodge Charger. His temperament is very even and he doesn't yell. He also has a gambling problem. As an enforcer for Irish mobster Murdoch (Davi), he is highly skilled in "the science of violence", as someone tells him. However, Merle's luck begins to change when he wins money from both Chinatown Pete (Woodbine), and Larry Cobb (David).

Meanwhile, thinking that Merle is "over the hill", he is set up as the patsy for a multi-million-dollar heist on a group of other gangsters. While Hench does end up with some of the money, and plans to use it to run off into the sunset with diner waitress Jackie (Bjorklund), he can't help but shake the fact that he needs to get revenge for the fact that Murdoch and his boys betrayed his long-time loyalty to them. So, risking it all - including a potentially brighter future with Jackie - The Butcher gambles one last time...for his life.

There's a lot to recommend about The Butcher. The style of it is fairly downbeat and a bit unorthodox, with some interesting flashbacks. It seems influenced by the "L.A. Noir" of the past. It's a fantastic showcase for fan favorite Eric Roberts as well, as he not only gets to ponder on the existential side of things, he also does some Eric Roberts-Fu on the baddies, and he shoots a whole heck of a lot of them as well. 

Director Johnson is almost venerable towards Roberts and gives him the starring role he deserves. There are a lot of other interesting character moments as well - Davi doing an Irish accent, instead of the expected Italian one, was a surprise treat. Woodbine and David as The Butcher's gambling cronies added a lot. The great Geoffrey Lewis as Naylor, the pawnshop owner, stood out. Although he only appears in the silent flashbacks, Vernon G. Wells is hiding in there as well. And this has to be one of the best-ever performances in Jerry Trimble's career.

The cast is strong and the main idea behind the film is simple but effective. We've seen a good amount of Johnson's films at this point, and he really seems to understand action and what the fans want. He's one of the very few directors out there that really seem completely dedicated to the action genre. 

While The Butcher is far from a thrill a minute - it's deliberately paced and takes time to build up a head of steam - Johnson seems to be showing the fact that you can combine action violence and quasi-film noir without a hitch. When the action does come, it's explosive. It's all the more impactful because of the character moments that surround it. Johnson does his best to eschew cardboard characterizations. 

We applaud everything about the film, with the exception of one little caveat. It's too long. At almost two full hours, we couldn't help but think that if it was trimmed down to 90 minutes or so, it could have worked better. Yes, we realize we just contradicted ourselves a bit - it takes time to build up character moments, so how can we say we love those moments and then want to cut them - but surely a few trims here and there just to get things down to a reasonable running time couldn't hurt.

Perhaps interestingly, the working title for the Van Damme film 6 Bullets (2012) was The Butcher. They must have realized that this The Butcher predated it, then they changed it. Then they got Joe Flanigan. As all movies should.

The Butcher is a solid film all around with a lot of good points and highlights. Its mix of thoughtfulness in with the violence was appreciated. There are interesting faces, as well as ideas, and the cast is excellent. The only thorn in the movie's side is that it's too long. So, as that's not a complete dealbreaker, we say check it out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ninja (2009)

Ninja (2009)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Isaac Florentine

Starring: Scott Adkins, Tsuyoshi Ihara, Mika Hijii, and Todd Jensen

Casey Bowman (Adkins) is the lone white student at a dojo in Japan, among a class studying the ancient art of Ninjitsu. His father was stationed in Okinawa as a G.I., and this is the only culture he knows. When a fellow student, Masazuka (Ihara), attacks Casey in anger during a sparring exercise, he is banned from the school by the sensei. Naturally, that drives him to become an evil ninja who uses hi-tech weaponry and does the bidding of an evil cult in America. Meanwhile, the sensei entrusts Casey and fellow student/love interest Namiko (Hijii) to protect something called the Yoroi Bitsu, the historical ninja outfit and weaponry. 

They travel to New York City and proceed to fight waves of baddies to protect their honor and the Yoroi Bitsu. Things get complicated after Casey and Namiko are arrested by NYC cop Det. Traxler (Jensen), but eventually the inevitable happens: the final showdown between Casey and Masazuka. Who will be the ultimate NINJA?

Entertainment and good times abound with this throwback to the 80’s Ninja Boom. Fan favorite director Florentine is at the top of his game as he delivers action-packed fights and well-choreographed action (along with his trademark “whooshing” sound effects), while frequent collaborator in front of the camera and fellow fan favorite Scott Adkins is also in fine form. Adkins is always enjoyable to watch, and when he’s put in roles like this, he can really shine. No wonder there was a Ninja 2 (2013) - fans clearly wanted more, and we can see why.

Like any good action movie, Ninja actually has a strong, central hero in Adkins (and his trusty sidekick Hijii) as well as a super-evil baddie. Ihara makes a great foil for Adkins as he plays the bad ninja - the guy who was expelled from the dojo and proceeds to break from ancient ninja tradition by using cheats like night-vision goggles. Ninja - the movie - deserves credit for actually trying to imbue the plot with history and true ninja tradition. There’s a (comically fast) scroll at the beginning informing us of the history of Ninjitsu, and a few re-enactments as well. This sets the stage for the action we are about to see.

Ninja delivers the goods - cool ninja violence and a panoply of engaging fight scenes. If we have ONE criticism it’s the over-use (or use, period) of CGI - and because it’s Nu Image, we all know what this looks like - but Ninja gets a pass because all the rest is good, and because it’s in that Florentine style we all know and love: exaggerated motions and big, oversized actions. And there’s plenty of real Martial Arts and stunts as well. So, it’s all good. We’ll let the CGI stuff go in this instance.

Plus, Masazuka is the first Cyber Ninja we’ve seen since…well, Cyber Ninja (1988). He’s also a Cyber Ninja with a machine gun. This is awesome. We haven’t seen a ninja with a machine gun since Ninja III:The Domination (1984), so, it was more than welcome. We also liked the wackier elements of the plot, such as the Temple cult. What made it great is that it wasn’t needed at all, but it was totally welcome. A final observation: in the onscreen title at the beginning of the movie, in the word NINJA, the “A” is a throwing star. We need more clever, cool details like this in movies. Though due to their censorship and hatred of throwing stars, it’s likely that in the UK this movie is called NINJ. We’re imagining it crudely crossed out with a crayon.

In the final analysis, this particular Florentine/Adkins collaboration has cranked out another winner and kept DTV from going into the doldrums for the time being. Not everyone could have pulled from the Ninja Boom well and done it so successfully, so, they deserve credit.  It’s a fun and enjoyable watch, and we recommend it. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Tournament (2009)

The Tournament (2009)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Scott Mann

Starring: Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu, Ving Rhames, Liam Cunningham, Ian Somerhalder, and Scott Adkins








Powers (Cunningham) is the mastermind behind THE TOURNAMENT - an event where the best assassins in the world vie to kill each other to become the number one killer - and rake in a ten million dollar prize. Unsuspecting priest Father MacAvoy (Carlyle) becomes embroiled in all the craziness when he accidentally swallows a tracking device meant for the competitors (and will explode after 24 hours). Lai Lai Zhen (Hu) takes him under her wing in order to protect him, which will be necessary with psychos like Miles Slade (Somerhalder) on their tail. Of course, last year’s winner, Joshua Harlow (Rhames) returns - but what are his true motives? Who will be victorious in THE TOURNAMENT?

The Tournament is a lot of fun and never anything less than totally entertaining. It’s professionally and competently made, which gives the action, fun, and thrills a solidity that captivates the audience. While there is a satisfying amount of very cool, comic-book violence, there’s also a nice upbeat feel and some humorous dialogue. Like The Raid (2011), it’s essentially one feature-length action scene, interspersed with short interstitial bits of exposition that move the plot along before propelling into the next action setpiece. It’s all very winning and audience pleasing. Add to that a great pace and plenty of surprises, and you can’t lose.

The premise - a bunch of assassins vying to kill each other, with a likable innocent caught in the middle of it all - is a can’t-lose proposition for the audience and, thankfully - and unusually - it actually lives up to its potential. The killer plot idea is wonderfully brought to life by a colorful cast of characters and fan favorites. Robert Carlyle is endearing as MacAvoy, and we get to see “action Ving Rhames”, mixing it up with the best of them, which we loved seeing. We also loved that fan favorite Scott Adkins was involved, though, like a lot of others in the tournament, his time is necessarily limited. We understand. Kelly Hu made a top-notch “good assassin”, a perfect mirror image to Somerhalder’s “boo-hiss” evil assassin. Capping it all off is the charisma of Liam Cunningham as Powers, putting a focus to all the chaotic goings-on.

Sure, we’ve seen similar plots before - even David Heavener fell victim to the “shady underground putting up cash and watching participants kill each other” situation, as has Robert Z’Dar and Jeff Wincott - in Fugitive X (1996), Dragonfight (1990), and Fatal Combat (1995), respectively - but The Tournament has so much verve it makes it all seem fresh. The individuals in the tournament each have clearly defined identities, as action movies used to have (i.e. Shootfighter, etc.) so it never becomes amorphous and hard to follow. Commendably, CGI seems to be kept to a minimum as well, reinforcing the old-school feel.

All the elements come together nicely, from the action scenes, fights, blow-ups, slo-mo moments (we’d say “slo-moments”, but we don’t want anyone to think there are any slow moments), and it’s all pretty over the top and somewhat cartoonish, in a good way. For example, we learned if you want to get a grenade away from you, you can just shoot it with a handgun. The image of shooting a grenade with a gun pretty much sums up The Tournament - modern-day meta-violence, and slightly ridiculous - but it’s all for the fans and you gotta love it.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC, Ballistic Blood Bullets, and Cool Target!

Ballistica (2009)

Ballistica (2009)- * * *

Directed by: Gary Jones

Starring: Paul Logan, Martin Kove, Robert Davi, C.B. Spencer, and Andrew Divoff





 “My Ballistica is better.” - Dragomir







When the dastardly terrorist group Hand of Truth and its leader Dragomir (Divoff) threaten to blow up many people with something called a micro-pulse bomb, CIA director Riley (Kove) unleashes the ultimate weapon on the baddies: Damian Sloan (Logan). A meatheaded CIA agent with an attitude, Sloan has at least one particular trick up his sleeve that will render evildoers of the world useless...can you guess what it is? 

Sloan teams up with token female scientist Alexa (Spencer), but Riley is continually being kept in check by the mysterious Macarthur (Davi). After getting into a bunch of underlit fights, chases and scrapes, loyalties turn, and allegiances change, but Sloan stays overly serious throughout it all. Will Sloan - or the terrorists - finally go Ballistic(a) on us all? Find out today!

Ballistica is at least three things: 1. A supremely silly action escapade 2. The name of a Martial Arts style that incorporates guns into the physical movements that doesn’t look completely ridiculous at all and is taught by the inimitable Paul Logan 3. A concept that exists throughout time and space and that lives on in all of our hearts. 

If the movie had come out in ‘87, it would have gone to the theater. If it had come out in ‘94, it would have gone to video stores. In both instances, it may have found an audience. But in 2009, the era of chintzy green screen, grade-school CGI, back-projection car chases, and filming stuff in the dark so you can perhaps cover up some flaws, it’s hard to imagine anyone out there hearing of this movie, renting it or buying it, then nodding approvingly as they watch it. 

It’s quite hard not to laugh at the scenes of Ballistica, however (among other unintentionally funny moments), so this could be a movie you can round up some friends for and watch together and have some laffs.

So, just to reiterate, Ballistica is a thing. And who better to introduce it to the world than a man named Paul Logan (not to be confused with Crocodile Dundee himself, Paul Hogan). We all remember Logan from The Ultimate Game (2001), right?...right? He looks like a ‘roided-up Jerry O’Connell, has the charisma of a piece of shrimp toast, and also looks like a ‘roided-up Jason Bateman. He deals with his emotional pain by remaining shirtless as much as possible. You’ve heard of a therapy dog? Well he doesn’t have a therapy shirt. He might be our new favorite human being. Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of Logan. Because Logan’s not done being Logan.

There are some other fan favorites in the cast too, underscoring the fact that this movie would have been better off in the 80’s or 90’s. Martin Kove has a mustache, but, more importantly, a Southwest Indian vest he wears at crucial moments in his career. If there’s an emergency in the CIA Situation Room while he’s in his office, he throws on his Indian vest and runs to meet the urgency. Just like all CIA directors. And, just as suddenly as it appears, it enigmatically fades away, like an Indian smoke signal. He had a similar wardrobe in Endangered (1994) - maybe he’s doing the whole Seagal “buckskin jacket” thing. But with a vest.

Top fan fave Robert Davi plays the typical “suit” role he’s assayed many times before, but we always love seeing him, and his presence raises the level of the movie overall. Though in a scene in a conference room with Martin Kove, Kove’s voice seems normal, but Davi’s sounds like it’s coming through a telephone. Somehow, Davi manages to be both on the phone and in person at the same time. It’s truly uncanny. We’d say it’s almost Night of the Kickfighters-esque, but the sound of both the movie and the DVD is poor. If you watch the DVD, you’ll have to crank up the volume to hear anything. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, or we may not have noticed Davi’s tele-ventriloquistic abilities. 

Also, the great James Lew and Simon Rhee appear in nothing roles as “Chinese Guard #1” and “Chinese Guard #2”, respectively. That’s just shameful and wasteful - they deserve better.

Just like how Sheryl Crow’s teeth are whiter than white, Ballistica’s budget is lower than low. But the movie is TRYING, which is more than you can say for other DTV crud of a similar ilk. The fact that it’s all taken so seriously is absolutely hilarious (unless it’s not and we missed the joke) and makes it worth watching. As we’ve discussed before, there are many types of dumb - some good, some bad. Luckily, this is fun dumb, so you can easily have fun watching Ballistica.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Blood and Bone (2009)

Blood and Bone (2009)- * * *

Directed by: Ben Ramsey

Starring: Michael Jai White, Eamonn Walker, Dante Basco, Nona Gaye, Bob Sapp, Gina Carano, Kimbo Slice, and Julian Sands











Isaiah Bone (White) gets out of prison and ends up renting a room at an L.A.-area house run by Tamara (Gaye). Bone is a quiet and mysterious man, and we don’t know much about his past. What we do know is that he’s an outrageously talented fighter, and he proceeds to get involved with the illegal, underground Punchfighting circuit. 

Immediately recognizing that Bone is head-and-shoulders better than the normal street thugs, charismatic fight promoter Pinball (Basco) takes him under his wing and Bone moves up the ranks. This puts him in the sights of James (Walker), a high-class thug with aspirations to join the ranks of the ultra-wealthy, as represented by Franklin McVeigh (Sands). James also recognizes Bone’s fighting talents and wants to use him to break into the really big time. But Bone has his own reasons for doing what he’s doing, and only his strength and personal honor and integrity guide him through his mission. But will he make it out alive?

Blood and Bone is as good a movie as you could possibly hope for in the world of the modern-day Punchfighter. There’s just enough depth and interesting things going on with the plot and characters to raise it above the muck and mire of the “I-punch-you-you-punch-me-and-that’s-it” Punchfighters out there. Seemingly, it’s a movie out of time, as we felt this could have come to the movie theater, had it only been released in 1997 or so. 

The only things that mark it as new are some brief - but still unfortunate and unnecessary - uses of CGI. Otherwise, the plot has a nicely familiar feel, and Michael Jai White makes a powerful hero.

As for MJW, we’ve always been huge fans. His Martial Arts abilities and screen presence have only continued to improve since Ring of Fire III (1995) and Ballistic (1995), which is rare. It’s a joy to watch him execute his moves. One of the great injustices in life is that Steven Seagal is more of a household name than White. White deserves to be in the action pantheon with Dolph, Van Damme, and (unfortunately), Seagal.  

His appearances in two of the Universal Soldier movies make sense towards that aim, but it seems MJW is primarily known in the action community. We feel he deserves wider recognition. As for fellow fan favorite Gina Carano, she has a criminally small part. It would have been awesome to see her team up with MJW to take down the baddies. Maybe someday that will happen.

As for Julian Sands, you might ask yourself as to why he's in an urban-themed modern-day Punchfighter. His one scene where he verbally faces off against James should answer all your questions. One of the things that make Blood and Bone a worthwhile movie, besides its pleasantly surprising spurts of intelligence at times, is its sense of humor, which is well-portioned out. 

We don’t know if this was on purpose, but in a throwback to the Blaxploitation movies of the 70’s, all the Caucasian characters are just lightweight, silly, stereotypical whiteys. The Punchfighter “Cowboy” is just a “redneck” stereotype, the white family that eats dinner with James wear sweaters around their necks and listen to Wang Chung, and Julian Sands is the whitest person on earth. It’s hard to discern whether the tried-and-true plotline and some characteristics of the movie are homages to the past, or just a simple lack of originality. That’s the danger of homages, the audience might misunderstand your intentions. The Hitter and Lionheart seem to be primary influences.

But just as in all great movies, Blood and Bone gets its own title song during the end credits. Seeing as how it’s a competently-made film with just the right amount of depth, and you really have a hero to root for in MJW, we feel that Blood and Bone is one of the better modern-day Punchfighters out there.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC, The Video Vacuum, and The Action Elite!

Driven To Kill (2009)

Driven To Kill (2009)- *

Directed by: Jeff King

Starring: Steven Seagal













Ruslan (Seagal) is a writer and three-cup-monte enthusiast who uses his experiences as a former mobster for his books. While living in L.A., he gets word that his daughter is getting married so he travels to New Jersey. While there, he discovers the family she is marrying into also has Russian mob connections. After some of those baddies put her in the hospital and murder some family members, Ruslan reverts back to his old persona and he goes after the people responsible. Will he get revenge?

It’s best to go into these newer Seagals not expecting much. It truly is a case of managing  your expectations. But Driven To Kill is just dour, bleak and boring. Compare it to the fun of Urban Justice (2007) and you can see the contrast right away. 

One of the main problems is Ruslan is not a hero, not even an anti-hero, he’s just a brutal, amoral, amazingly unlikable monster. You don’t root for him to succeed; in fact, you end up rooting for the people he’s (usually unnecessarily) viciously murdering. Considering he tortures, kills and impales people with the slightest provocation, Ruslan is more like Jason from the Friday the 13th series than an action hero.

But because this movie in general, and Seagal in particular, is so humorless and self-serious, some entertainment can be gleaned from that. Also his voice is funny, as usual - instead of an absurd Cajun accent, now whoever is doing his ADR is trying his hand at an absurd Russian accent. He’s (and by He’s we mean the anonymous voice actor reading Seagal’s lines) is really stretching his acting range. And because his voice is so soft, you need subtitles once again.

Looking at Seagal’s triangle of Eddie Munster hair, we realized he’s just the modern-day equivalent of Jalal Merhi: An unlikable, overweight actor/Martial Artist of limited ability. But Seagal continues to put out product, and Merhi doesn’t. That’s the only difference really. 

As for Driven To Kill, you don’t really care about the characters, especially Ruslan (unless you feel bad for all the basically innocent people Ruslan has mercilessly slaughtered), and at 97 minutes, it truly stretches your patience. That’s a long time to spend with Ruslan, a guy you wouldn’t want to spend 3 minutes with in real life. Add to that some CGI gunfights (complete with CGI muzzle flashes, CGI bullet hits and CGI smoke), some knockoff of a Powerman 5000 song, and some filler, and you’ll be wishing for the days of Seagal’s “Patty Cake” Martial Arts style.

As the latter-day, Direct-To-DVD Seagal output goes, certainly some are better than others, but Driven To Kill represents a low point in this phase of the man’s career. Driven To Kill? More like Drivel to Kill.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out reviews by our buddies, Saturday Night Screening, Cool Target and DTVC!

Direct Contact (2009)

Direct Contact (2009)-* * *

Directed by: Danny Lerner

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Gina May, Bashar Rahal, and Michael Paré

Mike Riggins (Dolph) is rotting away in a Balkans prison for supposedly smuggling weapons. Thankfully he can defend himself against his jailhouse assailants. When Clive Connelly (Pare), a government bigshot, comes to Mike and offers him a total of 200,000 dollars if he can find the kidnapped Ana Gale (May) and bring her back home, Mike agrees. But as it turns out, all is not as it seems, and thanks to some twists and turns, we see there is a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. Will Mike and Ana make it to safety?

In one of the better Nu-Image movies we’ve seen of late, Direct Contact delivers the Dolph you want. Sure, as we’ve discussed before, he elevates all movies he’s in. His presence means a lot, but here it’s just enjoyable to watch him beat, shoot, pistol-whip and blow up everybody in sight. Even the squibs are entertaining, as baddies die unnecessarily bloody deaths, sometimes to humorous effect.

However, it’s not all good news, as some lame green screen and CGI effects hurt the movie. These things are just annoyances, nothing more, and it’s puzzling why some filmmakers believe they are important to the movie. There’s even some ridiculous sped-up chase footage where it seems like the “Yakety Sax” should be playing on the soundtrack. Somehow, the doofuses at Nu-Image don’t seem to realize this is DOLPH LUNDGREN, not Benny Hill. But we suppose it’s forgivable, because Direct Contact is an entertaining, if not that original, production where Dolph meets another titan of the genre: Michael Pare.

 Pare puts in a good performance and it’s cool to see this “clash of the titans” as he faces off with Dolph. He doesn’t seem to phone in his role, and that’s certainly a good thing. Also it should be noted that there is a baddie in the movie named Drago (Rahal). He’s such an ethnic stereotype, he gives Balki of Perfect Strangers fame a bad name. Perhaps they couldn’t get Bronson Pinchot. That aside, in a “meta” move, it’s Drago vs. Drago! Was this done on purpose, or are there no more generic Eastern-European names left to use? (To answer our own question, judging by the end credits of most DTV productions nowadays, which read like the Bulgarian phone book, no.)

Also, even though it has been mentioned before, we can’t not bring up the scene where a character actually says, “What if he goes AOL?” How this passed the director, the actor himself, the editing process, and any step in between without any notice and ended up in the final film is anybody’s guess. But to answer the man’s question, he’ll get mail, news, messenger, and plenty of extras for only $9.99 a month. Someone find Mike Riggins!

So aside from the aforementioned technical hiccups, Direct Contact (not to be confused with Direct Action, 2004), provides a solid night of Dolph fun.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009)

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009)-* * * *

Directed by: John Hyams

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Andrei "The Pitbull" Orlovsky, and Dolph Lundgren 

When a terrorist group takes over part of Chernobyl and threatens radioactive death if their demands are not met (and they kidnapped the son and daughter of a prominent politician to boot), Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) is called back into active duty.  Now in a kind of rehab/therapy where he's learning to live again, he must retrain for combat. He faces his toughest challenge yet, as the terrorists used stolen technology to create the ultimate emotionless, unstoppable killing machine, dubbed "The Freak" by U.S. forces (Orlovsky). But they also open Pandora's box and resurrect Deveraux's old nemesis Andrew Scott (Dolph). Deveraux has his work cut out for him this time around...

It's actually pretty shocking how good Universal Soldier: Regeneration truly is. It doesn't even really HAVE to be this good. Far from your average "dumb" action movie, this seems to be a rejection of that notion, striking an excellent, precise balance between melancholy intelligence and frighteningly brutal violence.

Regeneration appears to be a reaction to The Return. Almost as if the filmmakers were embarrassed  by the badness and silliness of that unfortunate outing, the swung the pendulum back the other direction (almost too much), creating a dark, adult, nihilistically violent creation, but it's not without some emotion and humanity as well. Just a great job done all around.

Everything from the production values, to the acting, to the action, and everything else in between is light years beyond The Return, making it truly a travesty that that turkey was released theatrically in the U.S., while this wasn't. Regeneration is well-shot and well-directed by John  Hyams, son of director Peter. Hyams treats the material seriously and with respect, and everything that happens plotwise makes perfect sense. It's all idea-based (even retaining the best ideas from the first Universal Soldier film), not throwaway action. In the hands of another director, this could have been half-heartedly slagged off as "just another Universal Soldier movie". But the fact that Hyams does not do that, or even come close, is totally refreshing and comes as a great relief for true action fans. 

Hyams hits all the right notes - from utilizing the bleak Bulgarian locations to their fullest potential, to bringing the Universal Soldier franchise into the present day. Using the Navy Seal-like soldiers strongly reminiscent of the U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the uncompromising nature of war, as a background to amplify the audience's fears about our own mortality. After all, even our best soldiers are no match for their SuperSoldiers. We'll definitely be watching to see what Hyams does in the future, as he seems to have a strong grasp of how to do muscular action.

Undoubtedly, many consumers probably thought that this IS just another Universal Soldier installment - it's almost a shame that this movie doesn't have another title. Having been burned on The Return, consumers might not know what they're truly getting here - something much, much different and worthwhile.

Van Damme puts in an excellent performance, Dolph is always awesome, and Orlovsky is perfectly cast as the scary freak. All the actors in the film do a pitch-perfect job. A definite win for everyone involved, we enthusiastically support Universal Soldier: Regeneration.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Death Warrior (2009)

Death Warrior (2009)-* *

Directed by: Bill Corcoran

Starring: Hector Echavarria, Tanya Clarke, Keith Jardine, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, Georges St. Pierre, Rashad Evans, and Nick Mancuso












Reinero, aka Ray (Echavarria) is a professional Punchfighter on the big-time Punchfighting circuit. His biggest rival is Wolf Jackson (Jackson). Fight promoters have been touting their upcoming battle, but Ray's wife Kira (Clarke) begs him not to do it. Ray, blithely unaware of any past cliches, says the classic line "just one more fight". Before the match can take place, gangster and self-described "businessman" Ivan Mikhailov (Mancuso) kidnaps Ray and injects Kira with a poison that will kill her in five days. Ivan forces Ray to Punchfight for his life against other meatheads while people bet on this activity over the internet on the website gladiatorchallenge.com. Will everybody love Ray? And can he extricate himself from this dire situation?

Echavarria is hilariously wooden, and he wears the same jacket with a yellow stripe for just about the whole movie. He does a lot of flying kicks. He's somewhat likable, but let's just say his fighting nickname of the "Rain Man" is disturbingly accurate. The rest of the cast is rounded out by monosyllabic meatheads with zero acting ability. Except, of course, for Nick Mancuso, who puts in an awesome performance. His over the top, bug-eyed yelling must be seen. He screams and spits all his lines. His energy is welcome, and his performance, which he easily could have phoned in but for some reason chose not to, saves the movie.

As always, this modern-day Punchfighter is TRYING, but there's too much nu-metal and ADD editing. Unlike Beatdown (2010), you can almost see the fights here for five seconds at a time. How far the fighting genre has fallen. Funny fighter names include Rexx, El Croco, The Shaman, and Kang Lai, who is a "Ninja Master" and, of course, "The Best". The following is a list of quotes from the movie:

"Death matches have been going on since the Coliseum. You were born for it."
"He has yet to taste defeat."
"No man has lived until you stare death in the face."
"When you're in a fight, you always get hit."
"I'm going to SLAY YOU!"
"I will rip your heart apart" ...and the all-time, laugh-out-loud classic:

"Someone's trying to infiltrate the MMA!"

THE MMA? Anyway, on top of all that, the film tries to capitalize on the Saw-like "torture porn" trend. For example, the fighters have to fight while in chains. Call it: "Chain-Fighting". But, inadvertently (?) quoting Wayne Newton from Best of The Best 2 (1990), Ivan yells, "The only rule is...THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!"

Despite its shot-on-video look, Death Warrior provides a few laughs and Nick Mancuso at his best.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty