Wanted Man (2024)

 

Wanted Man (2024)- * * *

Directed by: Dolph Lundgren 

Starring: Dolph Lundgen, Michael Pare, Christina Villa, Aaron McPherson, and Kelsey Grammer

There was a drug deal gone wrong. Unfortunately, it didn't go right this time. Or any other time. During said DDGW, some undercover DEA agents got shot and killed by some mysterious masked assailants. It turns out that two hookers, but especially one named Rosa (Villa) witnessed the murders. It falls to a grizzled old salt cop named Travis Johansen (Dolph) to go to Mexico and safely retrieve Rosa, so she can come to the U.S. and testify. It seems he was chosen for this job because Johansen said some politically-incorrect things and the media is roasting him. So, to take the heat off, and to not seem as much like a supposed "racist", Johansen goes south of the border for his task.


However, as you might expect, things go sideways, shootouts and danger ensues, and Johansen and Rosa - who start out like the original odd couple - must learn to work together and get along. Johansen has some other officers or former officers as associates, Brynner (Grammer), Tinelli (Pare), and Hilts (McPherson). He also has to hide out with Rosa's family for a while. But who can he trust? What will Johansen learn? And why is he a WANTED MAN?


The talent and legacy of Dolph seemingly knows no limits, and Wanted Man is his eighth directorial effort, which he co-wrote with Michael Worth of Fists of Iron (1995) fame. Dolph and company were smart in the execution here. As he was about 70 years old at the time of filming, naturally he leans into the older, "dinosaur cop" idea. There's even a line of dialogue where someone tells him, "87% of your colleagues have retired!" But the Johansen character is old school, a workhorse, a real man in an age of memes. That's where a lot of the pleasure of Wanted Man can be found.

There's a scene with three legends sitting around at a strip club - Dolph, Kelsey, and Michael Pare. This should be enough right there to check out this film which is 82 minutes before the end credits. Tinelli, Pare's character, says something like, "Why are you guys always hanging around in strip clubs? They're so 80's", to which Johansen replies, "I like the 80's!" From this, and perhaps certain other things that are said in this scene (heh heh), we felt we were on home turf and the rest of the film glided forward as easily as a child's sled on ice.


There are certain parallels to The Last Marshal and Gran Torino. If you enjoyed those, you could perhaps see this as Dolph's version. Like many films that are made these days, the scale is smaller but the professionalism is there. It may not have a gigantic Hollywood budget, but it doesn't need one. The plot is simple but effective. Not every movie that comes out needs to be a Christopher Nolan-style Rubik's Cube. There are some shooting scenes which satisfies the action quotient, but all in all it's pretty low-key. It's an alternative to the slam-bang John Wick style of action.


There are some of the classic cliches on display that we all know and love. I don't want to give most of them away, but here's some advice: never talk about the future. If you're a character in a movie who is moonbeaming on about the wonderful life you're going to have soon, uh oh. Don't do that unless you plan to wear a bulletproof helmet.


Other Dolph connections: he is usually some type of "man". Wanted Man, Missionary Man (which he also directed), The Best Man, he was in Men of War, and this may be a stretch, but he was also in Aquaman and its sequel. He also continues his tradition of shooting people in the face: It happens here, in Missionary Man, The Russian Specialist, and probably others. So, clearly, Dolph's still got it - he always had "It" - and Wanted Man is merely a humble reminder of that fact.


Wanted Man is recommended for Dolph fans (who isn't one?) and many people have said it's one of his best for a while. It's noticeably better than a lot of the DTV slop that's out there these days. And Kelsey Grammer with a gun, capering around in a series of loud Hawaiian shirts only sweetens the deal.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Awaken (2015)

Awaken (2015)- * *1\2

Directed by: Mark Atkins

Starring: Natalie Burn, Daz Crawford, Robert Davi, Edward Furlong, Jason London, Michael Pare, Daryl Hannah, and Vinnie Jones

A woman named Billie Kope (Burn) wakes up on a tropical island and has no memory of how she got there. She eventually meets other people held captive in this mysterious place, including Quentin (Davi), Berto (Furlong), and Stitch (Crawford), among others. While Billie relies on her combat training - by her father, played by Benny The Jet - to stay alive, she does remember she’s searching for her missing sister. Unfortunately, the island dwellers are at the mercy of Rich (London), and his goons such as Sarge (Jones) and Xander (Pare) - who are holding them there so they can harvest their organs. 

When an important client, a woman inexplicably named Mao (Hannah), shows up with her ailing daughter, Rich tells the island doctor, Walsh (Keith) to snap into action. However, by this time Billie and her compatriots are fighting mad and are intending to get off the island by using lethal force against their captors. Much like Gilligan’s Island and/or The Prisoner, will our heroes get off the island?

Awaken is sort of a modern-day DTV cross between Avenging Force (1986), The Condemned (2007), and Death Ring (1992). We’re glad movies like this are still being made, but it seems the only place for them to go are cable channels (some might describe them as “deep cable” channels) such as Showtime Extreme. The solid B-Movie cast goes a long way towards sustaining its entertainment value, and main star Natalie Burn certainly has the potential to go far, in our opinion. 

Not only did she star in the movie, she has co-story, co-producer, and stunt credits, and even is solely credited with casting. So I guess we have her to thank for getting all these familiar faces together. She even sings the end titles song, “Awaken”, and is/was a ballerina, just like Assassins Run’s Sofya Skya. Is this becoming the new trend in DTV action? Hopefully Skya and Burn will be co-stars in a movie together soon. They could be ex-ballerinas/cops who bust a lot of heads and fight their way up a drug ring to the evil mastermind. If anyone reading this produces these types of movies, give us a call. 

There are also some similarities to Gina Carano’s In the Blood (2014) - and even the recent Van Damme movie Pound of Flesh (2015). Maybe it’s not just ballerinas turned action stars that are the new trend, evidently organ donation is hot now too. Thankfully, Awaken combines the two. While the movie as a whole looks good, and you can see Burn’s fights well, there are some poor editing choices which mar the overall pretty cinematography. These are especially evident when someone gets tasered, the scene with the shark attack, and the Michael Pare-Vinnie Jones fight. Sadly, not only was the latter edited badly, but it should have gone on longer and been more built up in the movie. That’s the match-up we’ve been waiting for, and it’s over in a flash.

Fan favorite Robert Davi wears a John Travolta/Nicholas Cage-style wig, Daz Crawford is likable, and Vinnie Jones is his usual head-butting self that we all love and enjoy. Pare isn’t in it all that much, nor is Edward Furlong, who...let’s just say it’s a good thing that people stranded on the island are supposed to look disheveled and tired. Daryl Hannah, fresh off of Death Squad (2014) adds...something, but we’re not sure what. It looks like she’s finally joined the ranks of us lowly DTV dwellers. But I blame Hollywood for that. Because Hollywood sucks and seemingly only releases remakes, sequels, and superhero movies, there’s no place for actresses like Hannah there anymore. And if Hannah’s not going to the theater any longer, Furlong et al. certainly aren’t either. But they’ll always have a home in DTV - surely they can give Natalie Burn a call anytime.

It all ends with a very, very silly shootout, just as the audience’s patience is wearing thin. Awaken is by no means a bad movie, but it ultimately fails to capitalize on all the assets it had at its disposal. We’re hoping Burn goes up to the next level for her next outing. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

The Last Hour (1991)

The Last Hour (1991)- * *

Directed by: William Sachs

Starring: Michael Pare, Shannon Tweed, Robert Pucci, Bobby Di Cicco, Robert Miano, and Danny Trejo












Susan (Tweed) and Eric Drake (Pucci) seemingly have the perfect life. Eric’s a successful stockbroker and the two live in the lap of luxury. However, it’s all built on some shady dealings, as Eric very, very stupidly stole five million dollars from the mafia. So mob boss Lombardi (Di Cicco) kidnaps Susan, and with the help of his goons, which include Frankie (Miano) and Spider (Trejo), spirit her away to a hiding place in a big skyscraper until Eric can come up with the money in return for her freedom. But Eric is a nerdy nebbish who has never shot a gun in his life. So he calls upon Susan’s ex-husband Jeff Flynn (Pare), who, despite similarities in their names, was never a member of ELO. 

Jeff is a cop, a toughguy, and a quasi-belligerent meathead, so he can go in and get the job done. So despite some awkwardness about their personal lives, the two men team up to save the woman they both love. But can they do it?

Hmmm, a movie about a rugged hero who is fighting his way up a high-rise building to save someone, who communicates to the lead baddie by walkie-talkie, wears a tanktop and has to fight through goons (mainly a blonde hench-person - in this case it’s the token female baddie). Doesn’t seem familiar at all. Of course, it’s time for the video store staple, the “DieHardInA” movie, but this time they didn’t even change the location. It’s still a building. 

The only tweaks are that there’s only one hostage - Shannon Tweed - and there are two men trying to save her. One is a blockheaded, mullet-headed meathead, and the other’s a dweeb. They’re the original odd couple! Their squabbling is more annoying than productive, and honestly, the two dudes aren’t that likable. This keeps the audience from truly caring that much.

The main bad guy isn’t that menacing, which is a problem (the female baddie was more intimidating), and the goons are hapless. There wasn’t much of a threat for audiences to get that invested in. We’re not even going to criticize the movie for lack of originality this time. We’re beyond caring about that. It’s not that The Last Hour is bad, it’s just really, really dumb. Many brain-numbingly idiotic things happen during the course of the film.

But sometimes those things lead to unintentional laffs. For instance, there’s a really flimsy excuse for Michael Pare to get shirtless, and no excuse for Danny Trejo to get, and remain, shirtless. Why these two men needed to be shirtless at all remains completely unexplained. So we laughed at that, for example.

Some more goons for Pare to kill, and more locations besides just the one building would have elevated the movie immensely, much like the many scenes in elevator shafts herein. That way all the rampant dumbness wouldn’t be confined to minimal locations, the stupidity could have run wild and free. But there is a slo-mo shootout for absolutely no reason, and the time-honored sax on the soundtrack, firmly placing it in its place and time. I.e., a video store shelf which patrons peruse by, but fail to notice.

Quite possibly the best part of the Academy VHS are the two trailers included before the movie. They are Edge of Honor (1991) and Prayer of the Rollerboys (1990), proving that the two Coreys were still livin’ the dream at this point in history. As for The Last Hour, the plot couldn’t be more simplistic - the guys have to rescue the girl. End of plot - but it seems only fans of DieHardInA movies of the day (are there any out there?) will really get anything out of this particular outing.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Maximum Conviction (2012)

Maximum Conviction (2012)- * *

Directed by: Keoni Waxman

Starring: Steven Seagal, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Aliyah O'Brien, Steph Song, and Michael Pare












Two ex-Special Forces soldiers, Cross (Seagal) and Manning (Austin), who are “The Best” (obviously), are assigned to go into a prison and lead two female prisoners, Charlotte and Samantha (O’Brien and Song), who clearly were arrested for their appearances in Sex and the City, out of the building to safety. 

Trouble arises in the form of Blake (Pare), a super-evil baddie who wants the prisoners for his own reasons, which are not very clearly delineated. So Blake sends teams of his goons to go after Cross and Manning. As the four of them try to exit the building, the “secret identities” of the mysterious women slowly come out into the open. Meanwhile our two heroes have to use their training to fend off many attacks from the goons. Will they all make it out alive?

The good: it was interesting that Steve n’ Steve (as their team-up should invariably be called) weren’t at odds and didn’t bicker the whole time. They were on the same side, which was nice. Stone Cold certainly looks intimidating, which goes a long way, and kind of counterbalances Seagal’s painted-on, Eddie Munster hair and the silliness that arises from the fact that because the movie is so dark (apparently the budget couldn’t include ever turning on the lights - yes, it’s one of those) - and Seagal wears loose, flowing black clothing, so he just looks like a floating head a lot of the time.

That of course when he’s not wearing a backwards baseball cap and sunglasses, in a patently absurd Mountain Dew-slamming attempt to look “young”. And when you distill it all down, there’s a few minutes worth of decent material, most of it coming from Austin and Pare.

The bad news: Steven Seagal plays yet another unlikable mush-mouth who beats and mangles his fellow human beings with unnecessary cruelty and a marked lack of fun. He actually has an unlikable fighting style, if that makes any sense. Ostensibly it’s Aikido, but thanks to Seagal’s weight, his proclivity for slapping people, and the fact that he thinks he’s Asian, he truly is America’s E. Honda. But Honda was never a sadistic torturer like Seagal seems to have become in his more recent DTV efforts. 

We certainly don’t want to pile on Seagal for his weight issues, on the contrary, this movie seems to be spinning his girth for the positive. For example, there are a few obvious shots of his double chin, and the character of Cross always seems to know what’s going on, regardless of his location in the movie. So perhaps, as Spider Man has his “spidey sense”, Cross has some sort of “double chin sense” that helps him.

 

But as for the movie itself, besides the aforementioned lack of lighting, a horrible trend in moviemaking we hope goes away soon, there are lots of gimmicky editing tricks, which don’t need to be there and seem like an attempt to be “cool”. There are CGI bullet hits, among other CGI stupidity, and the whole outing gets off to a slow start, a lot of the beginning portion could have been trimmed down. 

Pare is good, and we’re glad he was involved, but we would have liked if his character had more dimension. He pretty much just says “get to the extraction point” numerous times and does a generic bad guy thing. If his character, not to mention all the other characters, had just a tad bit more depth, the movie would have been a lot better overall and you’d really care. 

But as it stands, its budgetary limitations show due to the fact that it was all shot in one location, in Canada no less - but the real problem is that this movie is, sadly, a product of the modern-day times. Baddies have iPads and the whole thing is just heartless and soulless.

Despite a couple of little things going for it, the overall joylessness sinks Maximum Conviction.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

The Dangerous (1995)

The Dangerous (1995)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Rod Hewitt

Starring: Robert Davi, Michael Pare, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Joel Grey, John Savage, Saemi Nakamura, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Paula Barbieri, and Elliot Gould











When their sister is murdered while doing an expose on drug dealers (never a good idea), her brother Kon Seki (Tagawa) and her sister Akiko (Nakamura), a team of sibling ninjas, snap into action and start killing drug goons all over New Orleans. Cop Random (Pare - his name in the movie is Random, just for clarification) is assigned to the case - but for some reason that isn’t quite clear, he’s assigned a non-police, motorcycle-riding, rogue badass named Davalos (Davi) to be his partner. 

While Davalos and Random hire local weirdo Flea (Joel Grey, not the bass player) to help them out, the baddies also hire a knife-wielding killer named Lautrec (Savage) to do their dirty work. Will the forces of law and order learn to co-exist with the secretive ninjas in order to fight the baddies? Find out today!

The Dangerous. It seems like that title should have another word or two in it...but despite the seemingly-truncated title, the movie itself is really cool and surprisingly good. It boasts an interesting idea, a top-notch B-movie cast, and is competently written and directed. It’s hard to ask for more.

It’s truly Robert Davi at his absolute best. When we first see him, he’s out in the desert and looks like Walker Texas Ranger-era Chuck Norris. Then, mere seconds later, he’s on his chopper, sporting a half-beard and strongly resembles Renegade-era Lorenzo Lamas. 

But regardless of who he happens to look like, here Davi is tough, witty and gets all the best lines. He even speaks Japanese. He and Pare make a great team. The movie was even smart enough to ensure there was none of that annoying bickering that goes on between partners with different attitudes. That sort of detail shows us that The Dangerous is a cut above the rest. It’s really surprising there were no sequels - the 90’s were full of apparently unnecessary sequels: if there can be three Snake Eater movies, and three Crackerjack movies, why not at least one more The Dangerous movie?

Speaking of the 90’s, The Dangerous is pitch-perfect for 1995. For those that remember going to your local video store around that time period, this movie will stand out as highly typical of that era. “1995” exudes from every frame of film. That’s a good thing, by the way. 

There’s a lot of solid action, from the Louisiana graveyard shootout, to the pre-Hard Target (1993) action scene in the warehouse where they keep all the Mardi Gras floats. Naturally there is the fruit cart car chase/crash, among other favorites. But Michael Pare’s car has cool stripes on the door. So there’s that.

Besides the aforementioned Pare, Davi, Tagawa, Grey and Savage, it’s certainly worth noting that none other than Elliott Gould is also on board. For some reason he has a cameo as a projectionist in the scene at the movie theater (another cool action setpiece and sports some interesting posters in the background to boot). 

The filmmakers could have gotten any actor for this part, but getting a major star like Gould must have been a coup. Not quite on the same talent level as Gould, Ron Jeremy also does a one-scene cameo as a porn director. And Sven-Ole Thorsen appears as a bodyguard. So everywhere you look in The Dangerous there is a familiar face.

Featuring some hair metal-type songs from a band called Skindiver, The Dangerous is an enjoyable movie that delivers what you want.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett
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Note: Robert Davi contacted us via Twitter and here are his tweets about The Dangerous:

"THANKS FOR REVISIT ON THE DANGEROUS !! 1 thing the Mardi Gras warehouse was a location I picked and Hard Target COPIED US." 

"We actually shot the dangerous before hard target !!! it was made in 92 released later"

Warriors (1994)

Warriors (1994)- *

Directed by: Shimon Dotan

Starring: Michael Pare, Wendii Fulford, and Gary Busey












Frank Vail (Busey) is the head of a team of government assassins. Apparently these guys are crazy, but they’re also effective, so they’re kept in a loony bin/barracks. When Vail escapes the compound, and takes a prostitute (Fulford) along for his joyride, a man equal to his skill in killing power is sent to stop him: Colin Neal (Pare, looking a lot like Matthew Broderick here). So now it’s a man-against-man chase to see if Neal can take down Vail. Will he do it...and will anyone care?

Warriors is not a good movie. Nu-Image strikes out again with this overlong, uninteresting, unengaging turkey. It’s Busey and Pare at their worst - it truly is “stupid” vs. “wooden” in this audience-testing, unnecessary production.

We’re trying to find worthwhile things about this movie, and it is technically well-done, and there’s some interesting cinematography. But that’s it. It has no energy and it’s not paced and plotted like an action movie. It’s unbelievably talky and slow - it’s hard to imagine a SLOWER pace - and it’s droll, dull, and insults the patience and intelligence of the audience. 

What’s really annoying about Warriors is how it tries in vain to be “different” for different’s sake. For example, during many of the too-short “action” scenes, there’s no music behind them, and maybe the camera is doing something self-consciously wacky. Sure, these things might be different, but there’s a REASON no one has done them before. Because they don’t work. Why did they not think of this? Answer: because they were trying to be clever. That’s a big mistake when making a movie. Don’t try to be clever. Try to be good.

Sure, there may be some blow-ups and shooting, but that doesn’t an action movie make, and director Dotan, who also directed Diamond Dogs, continues his tradition of mediocrity. But he got better, because Diamond Dogs doesn’t outright suck, like Warriors. Plus, weren’t they aware of The Warriors (1979)? They really couldn’t come up with another title? This movie besmirches the Baseball Furies and all they stand for.

 

The whole concept makes no sense: if these guys are insane, the army would never employ them to do serious jobs. For the concept of “mano-a-mano” fighting, check out The Final Sanction. It’s a similar idea, but done in a much more entertaining manner. And probably on a much lower budget as well. Warriors is just overly serious and bleak. 

It’s hard to imagine the filmmakers writing this and assuming the audience would really care. And when the pace is just like a lazy old river that kind of just rambles along with a total lack of verve or edge of any kind, you just can’t help but check out.

While stuck in the thick of this movie, you think it will never end. Eventually it does, and you just feel cheated. It’s a Nu-Image movie called “Warriors” with Gary Busey and Michael Pare. Naturally, fans will think this is an action movie. But we were cruelly tricked. This is deception; false advertising even. We can’t forgive that. It’s like director Dotan had never seen or heard of an action movie before, but was told to make one. 

He didn’t have a grasp at all on how to make an effective action movie, or movie of any kind, really. He probably figured his director of photography would carry him through. But you can’t slap a new coat of paint on a rotting house that’s about to collapse into a pile of dust.

Finally, we’d just like to say that Warriors fits into the “Pushing Tin” theory of box/poster art. This theory (that we invented) states that any movie art that features gigantic faces of either the two leads (or in some cases, a massive face of just the main star) means the movie will not be very good. Because the level of creativity on display is inherent in the artwork. If the best anyone can do is one or two massive faces, that’s a really bad sign. So red flag number one were the two box-filling mugs of Pare and Busey.

Warriors is a must to avoid.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Blink Of An Eye (1992)

Blink Of An Eye (1992)-* *

AKA: First Light

Directed by: Bob Misiorowski

Starring: Michael Pare, Janis Lee and Jack Widerker











Sam Browning (Pare) is a soldier that trains with the Psychic Warfare Operations Unit. In other words, he’s developing his psychic abilities that he may already have for the field of battle. When the wife of the Director of the C.I.A. has a dream in which her daughter, Kathryn (Lee) is being chased by terrorists, she tells her husband to do something about it. Working from this dream/tip, Alan Baker (Widerker of American Cyborg: Steel Warrior, 1993 and The Order, 2001 fame) contacts Sam Browning and tells him to go to Turkey, where Kathryn is doing volunteer work. 

Wary at first, Browning agrees and ends up shadowing Kathryn. Since the terrorists keep attempting to kidnap her, the unlikely pair have to go through many travails to try to avoid them or kill them, while attempting to leave the country alive. Will Browning’s psychic powers play a central role in all of this?

If you liked the Michael Pare-based stupidity (and we mean that lovingly) of Deadly Heroes (1993) and Killing Streets (1991), here’s another one for you. Blink of an Eye is still much better than Warriors (1994), however. But then again, so are most movies. It features Pare in a generic Middle Eastern country setting, shooting terrorists. On a more positive note, because Sam Browning does go into some sort of psychic trance, the role is perfect for Pare because he can be as wooden as he wants to be. There are definitely some moments where he’s very tree-like.

The movie is oddly directed and has a strange rhythm. Even though it was his first film, this shouldn’t be surprising as it was directed by Bob Misiorowski, the man behind the horrendous Derailed (2002). Sadly, we felt not enough was done with the “Psychic Soldier” concept. It’s a good idea that went largely to waste. Just Michael Pare putting his fingers on his face wasn’t enough to carry the idea. 

Plus there was no strong, central villain for him to fight. This is an easily avoidable problem, but still some action movies manage to screw this up. Another common pitfall this movie falls into was the fact that it slows way down before the climax. Unfortunately, points must be detracted for the lack of creativity for Pare’s character and absence of a major antagonist. Blink Of An Eye could have been more than a machine gun shoot-em-up/Prerequisite Torture/guard tower fall/blow-up movie, but it doesn’t rise above that.

If that’s your thing, fine, but this movie seems to be TRYING to rise above it. But we do always love seeing Michael Pare, and we also enjoy movies shot in Israel, so those were pluses. And, after all, some action goods are delivered. Of course, there’s also the “Yay!" Kid, one of our favorite characters in the movie. If you’ve seen it, you may remember him. If not, watch out for him.

Blink Of An Eye makes too many missteps to warrant an enthusiastic recommendation, but it’s relatively decent “Sunday Afternoon” viewing.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Dragonfight (1990)

Dragonfight (1990)-*1\2

Directed by: Warren A. Stevens

Starring: Michael Paré, Robert Z'Dar, Charles Napier, Paul Coufos, George "Buck" Flower, Tom Magee, Fawna MacLaren, James Hong, and Joe Cortese











In the deserts of Arizona, two men face off in a battle to the death: the maniacal Lochaber (Z’Dar) and the honorable Falchion (Coufos). Because this is the future, the two men are being controlled by their corporate masters. One big corporation, led by the smarmy, ponytail-wearing businessman Michael Moorpark (Paré) and his associates Asawa (Hong) and the creatively-named Kyoto (Aleong), have millions of dollars riding on the success of their chosen fighter. The other businessmen, led by Baybington (Cortese) are their rivals, backing their own guy. They sit in their cushy offices watching the proceedings play out on TV monitors. Falchion decides he’s had enough and defects. He goes on the run, refusing to fight. It’s on his travels away from Lochaber that he meets a desert Ranger, Moochow (Napier) (who presumably, based on his name, will get a Chicago-based talk radio show) and a drunken stranger, Jericho (Flower), who decides to narrate the whole story. There’s also the magical hot chick, Dark Servant (MacLaren), who has the power to heal. But the time comes when all men must fight, and Falchion realizes he must face off against the murderous Lochaber (who has gone rogue and started killing innocent civilians). Who will be victorious in this so-called “Dragonfight”?

Oh dear. Dragonfight is one choppy, nonsensical mess of a movie. It’s more an off-kilter mishmash of stupidity and half-baked concepts than a fully-fleshed out film. We were happy to see a top-billed Robert Z’Dar, and a second-billed Paul Coufos, especially on a tape released by a major label (Warner Brothers, though we don’t understand why; this definitely seems like something that would come out on a much smaller label - but then again, we’re happy some of our fan-favorite actors got wider distribution than normal, even if it’s not an ideal vehicle for them). Paul Coufos, star of Busted Up (1986), strongly resembles Huey Lewis - we suppose this is as close as we’ll get to seeing Lewis in an “action” film, though Falchion needed more goons to fight, not just one, and he spends most of the movie running from the fight. That’s bad policy for a supposed action movie with the word “fight” somewhere in the title.

Michael Pare has a very limited amount of screen time, and of that, his ponytail steals his performance away from him. The movie as a whole has some classic line readings, some of which are said by James Hong, but just about every character says a stupid and/or confusingly-written piece of dialogue in an appropriately-confused manner. That’s why the first 30 minutes or so of Dragonfight is so wacky and funny. But the desert sequences are mostly slogs and have an unfortunate Albert Pyun feel, and things slow down tremendously then. Some nice cinematography can’t fix the egregious problems this movie has.

Z’Dar runs around the desert yelling “RAAAAAHHH!!!!” and wearing a too-small suit of chainmail, complete with codpiece. Charles Napier has a cap with the word “Ranger” on it in tiny type, so small you can barely read it. Were smaller-than-average chainmail suits and “Ranger” embroidered patches cheaper than normal-sized ones?  Then George “Buck” Flower (or is it Randall “Tex” Cobb? Not really sure...) shows up, and most of his dialogue (and inexplicable narration) is so grumbly, mumbly, and slurred, he makes William Smith seem like a master of elocution. And lest we forget Tom Magee as Bull, the token meathead. Naturally a movie about mystical sorcery wouldn’t be complete without the Canadian 1982 World Powerlifiting Champion. Also he was in Stone Cold (1991) and Street Knight (1993).

Director Warren Stevens also is responsible for Lone Tiger (1999) - how does he keep assembling impressive B-movie casts for these nonsensical movies? Sure, the writing, editing, and directing are very off, but our question is: did Stevens think it made sense? Did he think it would make sense to audiences? Or does he know it makes no sense, and he doesn’t care? These are the questions we’re curious about. But naturally, there is a lot of repetition to pad out the running time. We also noted that the movie Digital Man (1995) is very similar to this. Of all the movies to imitate, why Dragonfight? Is it really that inspirational? Add in a little Cyber Vengeance (1997) and you have...well, something.

The first half-hour is fairly mind-boggling, but then the silliness subsides for most of the rest of the film. We felt the corporate-based scenes were more interesting than the desert slog scenes, of course. So that led to an overall feeling of dissatisfaction. Featuring the song “Take My Stand” by Velvet Hammer, Dragonfight is, despite author John Stanley giving it a glowingly positive review in his book Creature Features, a confusing disappointment after its opening promise. But there are some unintentional laughs along the way.

Also check out a review by our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Deadly Heroes (1993)

Deadly Heroes (1993)-* *

Directed by: Menahem Golan

Starring: Michael Pare, Jan-Michael Vincent, Dean Bloch, Claudette Mink, and Billy Drago












American hero Brad Cartowski (Pare) is vacationing in Athens with his wife Marcy (Mink) and young son Paul (Dean Bloch) when a band of terrorists storms the airport, hijacks a plane and takes everyone hostage. They demand the release of their imprisoned leader, Jose Maria Carlos (Drago), who’s not just a terrorist, but also a creepy pervert. The USA actually gives in to their demands and Carlos is released. The terrorists then get away - but Marcy Cartowski is left behind with them. Carlos “falls in love” with her instantly and holds her captive in his mansion.

Meanwhile, Brad teams up with hard-nosed fellow ex-Navy SEAL Cody Grant (Vincent) to hunt down Carlos and his terrorist gang and save his wife. Will these heroes be as deadly as promised?

This movie is an exercise in silly, implausible action that’s a lot of fun to watch, but it overstays its welcome at a punishing 104 minutes. The movie, in the second half, becomes repetitive, seemingly for no other reason than to needlessly extend the running time. Perhaps this was an attempt to seem more like a Hollywood movie, which are usually longer than DTV product. This was a mistake, because had Deadly Heroes been a tight 80 minutes, it could have joined the pantheon of greats (at least as far as silly action movies are concerned), joining such movies as American Kickboxer 2 (1993) and Night of the Kickfighters (1988). But a lot of the sense of fun dissipates towards the end.

The terrorists with the plastic guns at the airport, the fact that Jan-Michael Vincent wears sunglasses almost the whole time, stock footage, funny, glaring continuity inconsistencies, and the stellar performance by one Dean Bloch as the young Cartowski (sadly his only screen performance to date) would seem to indicate a laugh-out-loud good time. Also the utterly ridiculous “stylized” face paint Pare and Vincent wear and the appearance of “mini-subs” (don’t ask) contribute to the wackiness.  Indeed, these are all good things, but the overlong nature of this odd duck of a movie (even the title hints that something is a little off-kilter) doesn’t help matters.

Naturally, there is the torture scene with Pare, who’s at his wooden best, and the supposedly tough Vincent, who barks all his lines, seems a bit confused.  Drago, whose expertise is playing baddies, really goes to town here as the evil terrorist/murderer/molester/kidnapper/hijacker/rapist. We always say a good action movie needs a strong bad guy, and, well...here you go.

While on the plus side it’s great to see Pare, Vincent and Drago all in a movie together, and there are some standout moments of unintentional comedy, some missteps along the way make this a mixed bag.

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, Cool Target! 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Killing Streets (1991)

Killing Streets (1991)-* *

Directed by: Stephen Cornwell

Starring: Michael Pare, Jennifer Runyon, and Lorenzo Lamas













Chris Brandt (Pare) is a high school basketball coach from Ohio. His brother Craig (also Pare) is a Marine who was kidnapped by Lebanese terrorists. Running into a wall of red tape from the government, Chris travels to Lebanon to fight the baddies and rescue his brother. Once in Lebanon, he teams up with the classic wacky taxi driver to get results. He also finds time for a romance with government employee Sandra Ross (Runyon). But Charlie Wolff (Lamas) keeps telling Chris to go away and mind his own business. Will the Brandt brothers make it out of the middle east alive?

Here we have some classic Michael Pare woodenness - times two! Anyone who’s seen any of the five Van Damme movies where he plays a dual role knows that it’s done in the classic “Patty Duke Show” way where you see the back of one’s head, etc. Double Impact (1991) is probably the best example of that. But like we said for that film, “Double the Van Damme, Double the Running Time”, and that’s exactly the case here. Killing Streets is way too long at almost two hours. This extensive length not only tests the audience’s patience, but we would care more about the proceedings if it was at a sensible running time. 

But our theory about this is, movies like Killing Streets are primarily made for overseas audiences, especially in depressed countries. These people don’t want to go back to their miserable lives, so every second counts when they’re sitting in a darkened theater trying to forget their troubles. So they demand longer movies as a longer escape. And Golan (of Golan & Globus fame) certainly delivers that.

Pare looks like Michael J. Fox as Alex P. Keaton, Lorenzo Lamas doesn’t do all that much but he has a spiffy haircut and an unnecessary southern accent, and the wacky taxi driver is a little less wacky this time around. The main baddie should have been MORE of a baddie, and he also should have been played by Adrien Brody. Killing Streets is an exact cross of two other Pare vehicles: Deadly Heroes (1993) and Instant Justice (1986) . It has the same middle east locations as 'Heroes but almost the same plot as 'Justice. In Instant Justice he’s looking for his sister. In Killing Streets he’s looking for his brother. Did they think fans wouldn’t notice the difference?

Interestingly, BJ Davis of Laser Mission (1989) and White Ghost (1988) fame was the stunt coordinator and second unit director on this film. And what action there is, is good - there should have been more of it. But they should have cut a lot of other stuff to make room for it. Don’t get us wrong, there are some cool parts in Killing Streets, but it’s an 85 minute plot stretched out to the breaking point.

Killing Streets isn’t bad, it’s just too long.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty