Deadly Illusion (1987)

Deadly Illusion (1987)- * *

Directed by: Larry Cohen and William Tannen

Starring: Billy Dee Williams, Vanity, Morgan Fairchild, and Joe Spinell













Hamberger (BDW) is a Private Detective living it up in New York City with his girlfriend Rina (Vanity). He’s contacted by a mysterious man who offers him $100,000 to murder his wife. Intrigued, Hamberger does some recon and decides to just go and meet the woman in question. After meeting Sharon Burton (Fairchild), an entire can of worms opens for The ‘Berger, as double-crosses, murder and mayhem ensue. Will Hamberger live to sizzle another day?

We were less than impressed with Deadly Illusion. Maybe it was due to the “two-director” syndrome - evidently the great Larry Cohen was replaced with William Tannen, the director of Hero and the Terror (1988) and Inside Edge (1992) - but the results are ultimately lackluster. To be fair, the action elements herein are very much muted; it’s more of a film noir-influenced mystery-thriller. But you take the cast into account, and you can’t help but feel this should have been so much more.

BDW is as smooth and suave as ever, and his narration is indeed charming. After watching Deadly Illusion, it’s easy to see why legions of Americans went out in droves and purchased pallets of Colt .45.  But there’s a lot of cheesy humor in this movie, and a lot of it has to be delivered by Mr. Williams, and we personally found it weird to see him in that kind of role - if the film was a bit more straight-faced, the one-liners would have had more oomph. 

Vanity and Fairchild provided their classic female B-movie support roles, and the good news is that fan-favorite Joe Spinell is on board. The bad news is that it’s only a cameo, and they spell his name wrong in the credits. With more Spinell, the movie as a whole could have moved up another rung on the ladder.

That’s kind of indicative of the overall vibe of “missed opportunity” of Deadly Illusion. Plus, there was so much competition in video stores at the time - how could this movie compete with the far-more-awesome-yet-still-kind-of-similar Action Jackson (1988)? Or even Fortune Dane (1986) for that matter? The makers of Deadly Illusion should indeed have gone the Fortune Dane route - make it a 50-minute TV pilot and maybe, if it’s developed further, put episodes out on VHS - because that format would have worked better here. Being that it’s boring and slow in many spots, 90 minutes or so seems like an unnecessary amount of Hamberger to take in one sitting.

It does have that “It’s 1987 in NYC” kind of vibe, which is welcome, and there are plenty of shots of the World Trade Center towers, which we always like to point out and celebrate. There’s even a scene of BDW and Fairchild eating in a restaurant where the towers are directly over her head, even looking like antennae popping out of her skull. At least that’s better than this silly dark-haired wig she dons at other various times, and maybe that’s the true “Illusion” here.

Featuring the catchy end credits song “Illusions are Real” by Stephanie Spruill, despite a couple of bright spots, perhaps unsurprisingly for this troubled production, Deadly Illusion doesn’t really hang together and is an unsatisfying viewing experience.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Da Vinci's War (1993)

Da Vinci's War (1993)- * *

Directed by: Raymond Martino

Starring: Joey Travolta, James Russo, Vanity, Richard Foronjy, Branscombe Richmond, Melissa Moore, Harold Joseph Green, Sam Jones, and Michael Nouri












When his sister is violently murdered by arch-baddie Mintz (Russo), Frank Da Vinci (Travolta) wants revenge. Da Vinci, a highly-decorated Vietnam vet, wants to leave his past behind him and move on with his life, getting involved with his local mission, and forging a relationship with the religious Lupe (Vanity), who cares for his young niece when he's not around. 

But Da Vinci is also still in touch with his 'Nam buddies, who all have too-appropriate nicknames such as the Shakespeare-quoting Hamlet (Foronjy), the guy in the wheelchair named Wheels (Green), and the guy of unimportant Asian origin that may or may not be Hawaiian, Don Ho (Richmond), among others. But even Da Vinci's ever-loyal charges aren't enough to get to the bottom of the murder of his beloved sibling, so he enlists the help of hired killer China Smith (Nouri). 

At first Smith doesn't want to be bothered with Da Vinci and would rather concentrate on his girlfriend, mysteriously named Fred (Moore). But after inexplicably talking to his computer (the computer never responds), he gets some info on Da Vinci that changes his mind, and he enlists in DA VINCI'S WAR. But will there be victory or defeat?

 The original Da Vinci code, this is pretty much an Italian-American variant on Gordon's War (1973), right down to the title. But this particular War is about as "Direct To Video" as it gets in its look and feel. Around these parts, however, that's not considered a negative, but other people might want to be forewarned about the low-budget vibe. 

Director Martino is a largely un-talked about figure in the DTV world, having worked a lot with City Lights/PM and been involved with their Anna Nicole Smithsploitation in the 90's. He obviously spent his budget on the stellar B-movie cast, which besides the aforementioned names also features fan favorite Sam Jones, as well as Bob Golic and a whole bunch of Travoltas, such as Rachel, Nicole, and Sam (the latter behind the camera, along with Addison Randall).

 Joey, quite possibly the most talented Travolta to date, is initially unrecognizable with his facial hair. But once he utters the immortal line “Aw Geez!”(in a surprisingly dramatic reading of that Travolta-ism) we know it can only be him. In other cast news, there’s also Gino Dentie, who released the “Direct Disco” album in the 70’s, and who also collaborated on the song “Da Vinci’s March” with Branscombe Richmond. So there’s more than enough on-screen talent, but it doesn’t entirely translate into a wholly enjoyable and completely cohesive final product.

What’s good about Da Vinci’s War is that it is from a time before Tarantino knockoffs polluted the market. And that both James Russo and Joey Travolta, at different points, walk in slow motion, thus looking cool. Plus Michael Nouri gets a great intro to his character. 

What’s bad about Da Vinci’s War is that it falls prey to the typical low budget pitfalls: stodgy acting, a stiff feel, and low-energy valleys that we as viewers have to go through. Not to say that there aren’t a few okay moments (not to mention some unintentionally funny moments), but the balance isn’t always in the movie’s favor.

While the epilogue after the movie states that it is dedicated to all the homeless veterans, the sentiment is undercut somewhat due to the fact that on a banner over all the vets, they misspelled the word “homeless”! If they’re trying to get our sympathy by informing us of the “homless” vets, they should run their banner through spell check. Unless the point is to announce their lack of hom. Or maybe they’re going the route of little moppets selling lemonade with a sign with a few backwards letters in order to draw us in. Our vets deserve better than that. But the banner is over what can only be described as a shuffling “Homeless Veteran’s Choir” and they all sing, led by Vanity of course. So that must be a movie first.

In the end, Da Vinci’s War sports a never-to-be-replicated cast assemblage, but it lacks the forceful punch it could have had.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

South Beach (1993)

South Beach (1993)-* *1\2

Directed by: Fred Williamson

Starring: Fred Williamson, Gary Busey, Vanity, Peter Fonda, Isabel Sanford, Henry Silva, Frank Pesce, Sam Jones, and Robert Forster





 “I can breathe underwater, turnip head.” - Gary Busey






Mack Derringer (Fred) has an awesome name and used to play football. His partner Lenny is also an ex-pro player and now they’re private eyes in South Beach, Florida. And that, if the movie’s tagline is to be believed, is “the world’s deadliest strip of sand”. Mack’s latest adventure involves his ex-wife, Maxine (Vanity), who now runs “Maxine’s Services”, which seems to be some sort of phone sex operation. When a mysterious voice on the phone who calls himself “Billy” starts making threats, Mack snaps into action. As if his partner Lenny wasn’t enough, Mack calls on the services of Jake (Fonda) to help him find his way through the South Beach underworld. But Det. Coleman (Forster) doesn’t trust Mack and seems to be following his every move. But at least Mack’s mother, Mama (Sanford) is proud of him and doesn’t hesitate to tell anyone who will listen. After getting a tip from a rapper named Too Kool (Ross), Mack gets to the real heavies such as Santiago (Silva) and a man named Billy (Jones) - but is it the same Billy that’s been harassing Maxine? Mack Derringer will have to use all the power of his name to get to the truth behind this web of crime and deception. Can he do it?

If the above plot description sounds like a confusing mishmash, that’s because that’s pretty much what South Beach is. Fred is able to get amazing casts for his movies, and in finding a place for everyone, sometimes forgets about coherency. South Beach also has somewhat of a sillier tone than a lot of other Freds we’ve seen, and the end result, while not bad, is likely to not really satisfy anyone except die-hard fans of anyone involved with the production, and only viewers familiar with Fred’s style of filmmaking will be able to glean anything from this movie.

Fred’s array of great jackets is noteworthy, as is he and Busey’s round of what can only be described as “Zany Golf” at the beginning of the film. As in the later Night Vision (1997), Robert Forster plays a cop who yells at Fred. It’s basically the same thing here. There was very minimal Henry Silva - by the time his part in the movie rolled around, he was squeezed out by all the other actors in this broth. And after we were finished pondering why Peter Fonda, as well as his ponytail/mustache combination, were involved in the first place, we got to the rapper Too Kool, not to be confused with Too Short, and another brief Sam Jones appearance. But at least with Jones, there’s a fight, instead of him standing around awkwardly as he does in fellow Fred film Down ‘n Dirty (2001). But all the names in the cast distract from the amazing goons in this movie. We don’t know their names, but we all should. They outshine most of the cast, and they do it in their own lovable way: simply by being humble men, overweight men squeezed into tweed jackets, with mullets and Vuarnet sunglasses. God bless the goons, the unsung heroes of the crime movie world.

As for the DVD we viewed, it’s one of those cheapo gas station jobs and is of very low quality. It’s actually blurry, and we were told in the late 90’s DVD’s would never be blurry. The VHS is of far better quality. However, this particular disc is a double feature with the Mario Van Peebles film South Bronx Heroes (1985), and clearly this DVD company was catering to movie fans just clamoring to complete their “South” movie collections. But, in direct contradiction to that, according to the menu screen, the movie is called “Sonth Bronx Heroes”. You read that right. SONTH. How you screw up the title of the movie on the menu screen of your own DVD, we’ll never know, especially such an easy word like “South”. Either that, or the movie is referring to the heroes of an area of New York City that we’ve never heard of before.

South Beach is kind of a weird outing for Fred, yet also oddly typical of some of his other work. As Survivor once sang when they were surely referring to this movie, “It’s the paradox that drives us all”.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty


Thank you to DTVC for the hotlink to the cover! Here is his review too.

Never Too Young To Die (1986)

Never Too Young To Die (1986)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Gil Bettman

Starring: John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons, Peter Kwong, Robert Englund, and George Lazenby













Drew Stargrove (Lazenby) is a top-secret super-agent who has discovered that an awful plot is hatching: The evil Ragnar (Simmons) is going to poison the water supply of the Los Angeles area. When the ruthless Ragnar kills Drew, his son, the younger, more mulleted Stargrove, Lance (Stamos) must pick up where his father left off. Teaming up with the beautiful Danja Deering (Vanity) and his roommate Cliff (Kwong), who is an inventor of wacky, but helpful gadgets (no parallels to James Bond here), they set off to stop Ragnar and his minions.

Where to start with this classic? Never Too Young To Die is a very, very fun and highly entertaining movie - they truly do NOT make ‘em like this anymore. Lance Stargrove is a gymnast and Ragnar is a transvestite who performs under the name “Velvet”. Any movie with George Lazenby, John Stamos, Vanity and Gene Simmons - not to mention Robert Englund - is going to be a rare gem indeed and the movie does not disappoint. To quote the back of the VHS box (released by Charter), Vanity and Stamos “...must take on the maniacal hermaphrodite.” If that doesn’t pique your interest in seeing the movie, you’re probably dead. And they wrote that like it’s no big, unusual thing. God bless the 80’s.

Simmons really throws himself into the role he was clearly born to play. Perhaps a bit too much. John Stamos should have done more movies like this. His only other role that’s even a little bit similar is as the awesomely-named Grady Westerfall in Born to Ride (1991). There really should have been a Stargrove sequel - even a franchise, like Bond. They certainly say the name enough times, in true Brakus fashion. The whole thing was directed by Gil Bettman, who later directed Night Vision (1997). But this was indisputably his finest hour.

The movie tries to marry the action to typically-80’s comedy stylings, and the whole movie, from the names of the characters on down, has a very comic-booky feel. This was typical of the time as movies like The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) and The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984), among other examples, clearly shows.

Thanks to all the weird, goofy, wacky and funny scenarios, time speeds by when watching this gem. The theme song by Tommie Lee Bradley is memorable as well.

For a true crowd-pleaser, seek out Never Too Young to Die.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Action Jackson (1988)

Action Jackson (1988)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Craig R. Baxley

Starring: Carl Weathers, Craig T. Nelson, Vanity, Sharon Stone, Thomas F. Wilson, Bill Duke, Sonny Landham, James Lew, Charles Meshack, Al Leong, Bob Minor, Branscombe Richmond, and Robert Davi












Carl Weathers displays his winning charm in yet another title role. Weathers IS Detroit cop Jericho "Action" Jackson - and you know with a nickname like that he doesn’t mess around. Evil, megalomaniacal auto magnate Peter Dellaplane (Nelson) is killing off AWA (Auto Workers Alliance) members in order to keep a stranglehold on his already-impressive power. Dellaplane and Jackson have a past, as Jackson was demoted after roughing up his son before sending him to prison. Ignoring the fact that his wife is Sharon Stone in her prime years of hotness, Dellaplane also has a chick on the side, Sydney (Vanity), who he keeps drugged up with heroin. Sydney and Jackson now must team up to take down Dellaplane before he can frame Jackson for his many murders.

Ah, the golden 80’s. Just take a second to pause and reflect about that magical decade. Back to the review at hand, Action Jackson is classic 80’s action, reminiscent of Arnold vehicles such as Raw Deal (1986). It’s well-shot, and unusually well-written, with plenty of clever jokes and dialogue. But the film also has all the action the underground action movies have, but this came out in a time when things like this came to the theater and had a moderate-to-big budget behind them.

Besides the aforementioned Sharon Stone and Vanity, Weathers has an impressive cast to back him up: Bill Duke as the classic BYC (Black Yelling Chief), Thomas F. Wilson (Biff of Back to the Future, 1985 fame) as the joke-telling uniformed officer, Bob Minor as the evil assassin Gamble, Nicholas Worth as Dellaplane’s butler, Al Leong as Dellaplane’s chauffeur, James Lew as Dellaplane’s martial arts instructor, Charles Meshack of Fear (1988) fame, Sonny Landham and the ubiquitous Branscombe Richmond. It even has fan favorite Robert Davi in a small but important role. Last but not least is the “Coach” himself, Craig T. Nelson, looking more diabolical than usual, probably because of the hair. We even get to see him do some “Craig-Fu” - but does he really think he can beat Action Jackson in a fight?

The movie is funny, snappy and a great vehicle for Weathers’ charisma. But what else would you expect from director Baxley, the man behind Stone Cold (1991) and I Come In Peace (1990), among many others? It’s a product of a great time for cinema - and it’s also filled with great music, especially the title song by Madame X which you’ll be singing for days. It’s pretty tough to dislike this highly entertaining gem.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Neon City (1991)

Neon City (1991)-* *1\2

Directed By: Monte Markham

Starring: Michael Ironside, Arsenio "Sonny" Trinidad, Creed Bratton, Vanity and Lyle Alzado




“Take a deep breath, it may be your last. Welcome to the year 2053!”








In the year 2053 the world is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. In this movie it is called “The Outland”, with a blatant disregard for the Sean Connery film of the same name. “The Outland” doesn’t have a lot of clean air or water. People are eating dogs for sustenance.

Enter Harry M. Stark (Ironside), a no-nonsense bounty hunter who looks like Jack Nicholson. His job is to bring Reno (Vanity) back to Neon City. He handcuffs himself to her because she is always escaping. There are so many outlaws in “The Outland” that one can collect “Red Star Credits” for bringing them to justice. What you can exchange these for aren’t explained. Is it like Skee Ball tokens or “Coconut Coins”?

The world may never know.

Luckily there is a bus going to Neon City. The movie never explains where they are and how long it takes to get to Neon City. The bus driver is named Bulk and he is played with aplomb by Lyle Alzado. As if the name “Bulk” wasn’t enough, he is nicknamed “The Killer Tomato” because “He crushes people’s heads as easily as an overripe tomato”. Bulk and Harry don’t get along at first because Bulk is an ex-con that Harry brought in.



Also going to Neon City in this bus are a bad stand-up comic looking for work, a sketchy doctor with a mullet, a spoiled rich girl and a woman who looks like Hillary Clinton. Riding shotgun with Bulk for most of the journey is a mysterious Asian man named Wing (Arsenio “Sonny” Trinidad)

Along the way there are many obstacles and pitfalls. Besides the obvious personality clashes, there are roving bands of killers dubbed “Skins”. They ride souped-up, broken down motorcycles if such a thing is possible. They are continuously chasing the bus and shooting at it. We don’t know why. Stark shoots back with a laser that makes a classic laser noise: “Pew! Pew!” The many chase sequences are very repetitive and strongly reminiscent of the “Orange Grove Chase” from the classic Cobra (1986).

Other dangers our heroes have to face include something called a “Zander Cloud” which is a poisonous cloud. It would make more sense if it was a “Zzand Cloud”. Similarly, there are some hot lights which are a silly menace that pads out the running time. Not to mention if they are so hot, why don’t they melt all the snow around the area?

They take a million breaks on the way to Neon City and they could have gotten there a lot faster. The importance to getting to Neon City is negated with all the breaks. One of the important breaks involves healing water that Harry and Reno take. It doesn’t make much sense.

After all those breaks, they finally get to Neon City which is just a “Neon Room” (No city is actually seen) They are welcomed into the room by none other than “The Office’s” Creed Bratton (Who was also a grip on the film). Already overlong at this point, after multiple endings Stark confronts his commanding officer (who is also evil) and is named “Jenkins”.

There are some twists as far as relationships are concerned: Will Stark and Reno stay enemies or become an item? Will that annoying comic get his comeuppance for selling poison to cave-dwelling burn victims? And will Bulk get his wife’s ring back from the “Skins”? and is Wing (once again played by Arsenio “Sonny” Trinidad) who he seems to be? All will be answered if you watch the entire thing.

Neon City closely resembles the recent box office smash The Book Of Eli (2010), obviously the Hughes Brothers closely studied this flick. Honestly, the movie is a Mad Max (1979) knockoff and scenes from it are ripped off wholesale.

Make sure to watch Neon City in the future!

Interesting side note: Fan favorite Chuck Zito did some stunt work on the film.

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett