Relentless Justice (2015)

Relentless Justice (2015)- * *

Directed by: David A. Prior

Starring: Leilani Sarelle, Ted Prior, Mimi Michaels, Sherrie Rose, Vernon Wells, Lisa Langlois,  Tara Kleinpeter, Sonia Curtis, and Eric Roberts 

Victoria DeVries (Sarelle) is the owner, operator and main trainer at an MMA gym in Alabama. She's also the loving and protective mother of her daughter Sherrie (Michaels, not Rose, who appears elsewhere later on). When Sherrie and her boyfriend roll into the rural burg of Lake Forest on some sort of camping trip (never go camping), they run afoul of a gaggle of baddies who hunt people for sport. 

Victoria's Mom-tuition perks up and she senses something is wrong. She heads out into the wilderness to find her daughter, and runs up against these same villains, and she has a big problem when it turns out that head evildoer, Jason Macendale (Wells) is MAYOR Jason Macendale of Lake Forest. Uh oh. Macendale's iron fist of control of the town further starts to crack when Deputy Goodrich (Sonia Curtis) and Dr. Traci Lind (Kleinpeter) - both of whom deliver tour-de-force performances - start to realize something rotten is going down in Lake Forest. When an event (no spoilers) occurs, Victoria DeVries - a former Australian intelligence operative, spy, and supersoldier, not to mention MMA master - falls back on her skills to hunt the bad guys down one by one in almost slasheresque style. Will Victoria enact RELENTLESS JUSTICE on the baddies?



It's called Relentless Justice. It's directed by David A. Prior. It features Eric Roberts, Vernon G. Wells, Sherrie Rose, and Ted Prior. Did you think we WEREN'T going to watch and review this? This is Comeuppance Reviews-bait all the way. So we were willing to give ol' RJ plenty of slack. But, let's be honest, there are some problems here. While we applaud the Priors for continuing to make this sort of movie in 2015, the downside of that is that it has this unpleasant digital look to it, a "new" look that comes from using a Red camera. We can't help but miss the pleasurable quality of good old-fashioned film. We understand it's probably difficult and expensive these (those?) days to make a film like this on actual film, but we can't help but think that if they had taken that extra time and trouble, it would have paid off with a more pleasing visual look.


That aside, there are definite, obvious pacing problems. The justice isn't as relentless as you might think. Only in the final section of the film do things really pop off in the way you want them to, and even then, things are hampered by the low budget. We know they're trying, but certain aspects just can't be overcome.


Funny to say, but RJ needed more action. Sarelle as De Vries needed to fight more goons in the middle section of the film, and throughout. The fact that this doesn't happen leads to slower moments in this 96-minute outing. She's an appealing lead, she should have been given more heads to bust. By this point in our lives, we've all seen Hard Target (1993), Avenging Force (1986), Surviving the Game (1994), and their derivatives countless times. If you're going to do this sort of plot again, you need to inject it with some sort of new element, a twist, or just a lot of energy and verve, which, as much as it pains us to say, is largely missing from Relentless Justice. Bas Rutten came up against this same problem in The Eliminator (2004). If he can't overcome this obstacle, what hope do the rest of us have?


That being said, it was nice to see some of our favorite people all together again. Eric Roberts was here as some kind of gangster, who doesn't exactly fit into the "backwoods" plot, but was present and accounted for because Roberts was likely available for a few days. His scenes are some of the better ones, and they're enhanced by the fact that most of them include fan favorite Sherrie Rose. Oddly, her character is named Cinzia Monreale, the name of a real-life Italian actress best known for being in Fulci's The Beyond (1981). Could this have been the suggestion of writer/producer Fabio Soldani? We may never know. Ted Prior, Vernon Wells, and Lisa Langlois are the notable baddies, and it was especially interesting to see Langlois in that sort of role, seemingly cast against type.


Try as anyone might, it's basically impossible to recreate the glory days of Deadly Prey (1987). We know the Priors tried again with Deadliest Prey (2013) before this. RJ might have been them giving the formula one last go. This was David Prior's last completed film before his death this same year, 2015, at the too-young age of 59. There was a posthumously-released final film, Assassin's Fury, in 2023.

Shot in the Prior's stomping grounds of Mobile, Alabama and its surrounding areas, and featuring a final, end-credits song, "Revolution", by Olivia D'Abo - yes, that Olivia D'Abo, of all people - Relentless Justice has its faults and flaws, as we all do as human beings, but fans of the Priors, any of the stars involved, or independent/regional filmmaking could give it at least one whirl.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ready, Willing & Able (1999)

 

Ready, Willing,  & Able (1999)- * * *

Directed by:

Starring: Christopher Templeton, Steve DuMouchel, Mike Kaldova, Isacc C. Singelton Jr, Kevin Weiler, and Rus Blackwell

Samantha "Sam" Martin (Christopher Templeton, who is a woman), spent ten years in the CIA, but was wounded in action and is now in a wheelchair. Not letting that slow her down, she is now seeking a job in corporate security. She finds her way to a company called FRTRIS, headed by the dastardly Lamont Vaughn (DuMouchel). Of course, Sam doesn't know he's dastardly at first, but the fact that his name is Lamont Vaughn and he's the head of a company called FRTRIS should have set off alarm bells. As it turns out, Vaughn is involved in an illegal chemical weapons smuggling deal and foreign terrorists are involved. Naturally, evidence of this is on a disc.

Since Sam needs the disc and to take down Vaughn once and for all, she assembles a team to do so, including the brains, a guy named, oddly, Feud (Kalvoda), and the muscle, Mo Cooper (Singleton Jr., in a film-stealing performance). There's also a deaf guy named Angel Lawrence (Weiler). Sam must also settle the score with old rival Conner Wilson (Blackwell) - whose name is Rus with one "S", but presumably people could still call him Mr. Blackwell. With all the baddies coming after her, will Sam Martin let her wheelchaired status stop her? Not likely, as she gives new meaning to the word "Handi-Capable"!




Well, this is a first. If you write reviews for action movies long enough, presumably you'll get to a regional Florida production directed and co-written by a woman in a wheelchair, and starring another woman in a wheelchair. Despite the fact of its regional status and lack of any real "names" in the cast, Ready, Willing, and Able (now do you catch on to the use of the word "able"?) has decent production values and is taking itself seriously. There is a level of professionalism on display that is admirable and it's a pretty easy watch.




Of course, all the "CIA" movie/TV show cliches are present and accounted for, but as we always say, cliches aren't such a bad thing, and this was back in 1999 - as of this writing in 2026, there is still a seemingly-endless flood of CIA-tertainment involving "assassins", "the Agency", the "Company", and so on and so forth. At least RW&A was ahead of the curve somewhat, and all independently done on a low budget. So you've got to give them that. We also appreciate a good Assemble a Team film, and while RW&A doesn't spend a ton of time on that aspect, it's definitely there.




Heading the team, of course, is one Christopher Templeton, who looks like an angry Michelle Pfeiffer, with some Sigourney Weaver thrown in for good measure. Evidently, in real life she had polio as a child, so she had good reason to be angry at life. She had a pretty good career as an actress and sadly passed away in 2011. This was definitely her moment in the sun. Maybe she wanted to show that even if you're wheelchair-bound, you can still beat people up with an extendable baton, shoot people, blow up boats, wear a black revenge outfit, and, in a movie highlight, get away on a zipline. It's an inspirational moment that should be more widely seen.




Shot around Lake Helm, Florida and related locations, and featuring two songs by Jesus Jones and several by a band called Van Gogh, Ready, Willing and Able does not appear to have had any sort of release in the U.S. Maybe they weren't ready for a strong, female, wheelchair-bound hero. The overall production values are on par with the Don Mogavero classic (?) Jekyll Island (1998). As of this writing, it's on Tubi and other streaming platforms. It's an odd one, for sure, but in a good way, and its 80-some-odd-minute running length won't take up much of your time. As Limp Bizkit once famously said, "Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'"!


Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Streets Of Darkness (1995)

Streets Of Darkness (1995)- * *

Directed by: James Ingrassia

Starring: Vincent LaRusso, Armand Cassis, Jerry Babij, Jennifer Cole, Patrick Barry, Christine Jackobi and Peter Gaines as Fat Sal 

Danny DeStefano (LaRusso) is a young (?) street tough who has just finished his jail bid and returns home to the STREETS OF DARKNESS - Miami, Florida. He makes a vow to himself to go straight, but after his mother is assaulted by a Cuban drug lord named Hector (Cassis), he gets sucked back into the underground world of gangsters and crime, especially after mob boss Carlo Farello (Babij) likes the cut of his jib and wants Danny to come work for him full time. Danny asserts his independence as whatever he is (a contract killer?), but things get complicated when a love triangle blossoms between Danny, the boss's daughter Tina (Cole), and a woman inexplicably named Diabolique (Jackobi). After certain people get whacked, Danny has to decide what to do with the rest of his life. Will he walk the straight and narrow, as represented by Father Shea (Barry), or will he continue down the road of gangsterism, as represented by Big Tony, Fat Alex, and Fat Sal?



Danny DeStefano/Vincent LaRusso does not like sleeves. He steadfastly refuses any extraneous cloth on any part of his arms. At a more formal social function, he wears a collared sleeveless shirt. His toughness as an ex-con and gangster is undercut somewhat when he wears a neon pink, button-down tanktop with the buttons unbuttoned, with a necklace. All this when he's not shirtless. We could talk about Danny's wardrobe all day, but suffice to say that Streets of Darkness is a labor of love from writer/producer/star Vincent LaRusso. It takes a lot of cojones to make your own version of The Godfather trilogy, Goodfellas (1990), and Scarface (1983) with no budget whasoever, shot on video, that runs 107 minutes. We give him and director James Ingrassia, and all the cast and crew, kudos for actually pulling that off and getting the movie into stores and streaming services.



Despite the title, box cover, and the image of LaRusso shirtless (naturally) with a gun, this is not an action film. It is a gangster drama - dare we say epic? - that plays by its own rules. Streets of Darkness was a film caught in time in between two poles. By 1995, it was too late for Miami Vice, but too early for The Sopranos. The movie was a victim of its own timing, and has elements of both swirled up in its SOV stew. In the last scene of the film, Danny is dressed as pure Crockett, with a pale blue T-shirt under a white jacket (one of the only times in the 107 minutes where sleeves are extant, perhaps it's a sign of Danny's character arc), but there are also a panoply of gangster characters like the aforementioned Big Tony, Fat Alex, and Fat Sal, among others, which presages The Sopranos. LaRusso was either after his time or before his time. Maybe both. Plenty of underlit scenes prefigure Boardwalk Empire and other "no lights" movies and TV, so maybe we can err towards the latter.


While we appreciate LaRusso's ambition, the film has serious pacing issues. There's a scene where Danny and Diabolique go to see a Gipsy Kings-esque concert and stay there. The dialogue is also unbelievably repetitive. Danny says almost everything at least twice. The runtime of the film would be 50 minutes if he only said things once, like a normal person. He starts every sentence he says in the film with either, "Let me tell you something", or "Listen carefully", and ends every sentence with, "You understand me?", which is by far his most repeated line of dialogue in the film. He's constantly asking everyone in sight if they understand him. This could be representative of Danny questioning his place in the world and looking for meaning in a chaotic universe. Or it could be that Danny is an inarticulate, unlikable lout. You be the judge.


That being said, we do appreciate that LaRusso seemingly thought that this was his big chance - his moment in the Miami sun, if you will. So he gives it his all, cranking up the intensity of his performance to Tom Cruise-levels, perhaps in the thought that this film could be like a demo reel for a potential Hollywood career. It seems his life didn't pan out that way, but that's okay. We have Streets of Darkness, and that's enough.


A late-stage highlight occurs when the aforementioned Fat Sal (Gaines) arrives. He steals the movie with his bizarre voice and mannerisms. It seems like he may be trying a Marlon Brando impression. He either succeeds or fails, it's impossible to tell. Streets of Darkness would probably have been a five-star movie if Fat Sal was the main character instead of Danny DeStefano.



Streets of Darkness has a homemade, local feel to it that will appeal to some but turn away most. Again, it's not really an action film but a few elements are there. It's too long but there is nudity and a synthy score, which helps. More than anything, it is a showcase for Vincent LaRusso, a time capsule of 1995, and an exemplar of the alchemy of the shot-on-video revolution meeting the ambition of a man whose reach exceeded his grasp.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Jungle Heat (1985)

 

Jungle Heat (1985)- * *1\2

Directed by: Jobic Wong

Starring: Sam Jones and Mei Sheng Fan

In the waning days of the Vietnam war (presumably around 1975 or so but it's never said specifically) the American forces evidently need truck drivers for supply runs. Maybe it's because of all the previous casualties, but they can't find any drivers. So a ragtag team is assembled and quickly trained. The head of the New Truck Driver Training Unit, which is presumably what this endeavor is called, is Gordon (Jones). After some training, which is brief by Army standards but lengthy by movie-viewing standards, the guys are sent off into the deadly jungles of 'Nam. Many obstacles are thrown in their way, but none are more challenging than the head baddie (played by Mei Sheng Fan of Story of Ricky and Attrition fame), a sadistic torturer. Some kidnappings, shootings, blow-ups, truck chases, and other exploding-hut-esque activities follow, and it's all capped off by a bizarre motorbike competition to see who can skid under a logging truck. Maybe the JUNGLE HEAT is getting to us all...


When the first shot of any film is a framed picture of Richard Nixon on the wall, which then zooms out so the dialogue and and action can begin, you know you're in for a good time. Well, some of the time. Not this time. But still, it was a wacky start and there are some noteworthy things about the largely lackluster Jungle Heat.


It helps if you're a Sam Jones fan. He brings some interest and life to the proceedings, his classic spiky brush cut towering over the other, smaller-in-stature and less-stylishly-coiffed cast. Unfortunately, his voice is dubbed just like everyone else in the film, and if you know Sam Jones's voice, as we all do, the overdubbed voice he was given seems to not be a fit. Those loud, no-subtlety, nattering voices that seemed all the rage at this time are punishing on the ears. They make the explosions and gunfire sound like Barry White by comparison.


Jones was also a truck driver in Driving Force (1989), so he was familiar with plots involving...truck driving. It may not be the most thrilling way to kick off an action film, but it's all in the execution. Sadly, Jungle Heat doesn't focus on execution (unless you count some unlucky POW's). The film just lazily goes from incident to incident, winding and babbling like the Mekong river itself. This lax and basically structureless approach to plotting is similar to Karate Warrior 6 (1993): something happens, then something else happens, then maybe something else, but there's no continuity or "glue" holding it all together. Maybe this flies in some countries, but to our American eyes it just seems boneless and blobby.


Adding to the negatives column, there are huge swathes of time where Sam Jones is absent. However, as indicated earlier, it's not a total loss: There's a classic silly barfight to watch out for, and some of the violence is pretty wicked, including a standout gore moment that was appreciated, but seems tonally out of whack with the rest of the goings-on. We always mention "PT", or Prerequisite Torture, which, in a post-Rambo world, was, well, prerequisite for these lower-budgeted productions. They needed an inexpensive way to stand out and that was how they chose to do it. Jungle Heat takes it a bit far, with more torture than its Mercs-box-set/When-The-Vietnam-War-Raged-In-The-Philippines competitors, even making its main baddie not simply a baddie, but a huge torture fan.


Also of note is that the bald guy on the good guys (?) team was apparently named Mazo, but all we heard was "Matzoh". The idea that an East Asian warrior man would be named Matzoh is so unbelievably absurd that you just have to laugh. Or maybe not. I hear he's a big hit at Passover Seders.


There is a rare movie that, as of this writing, we're looking for: Jungle Heat (AKA Rapid Fire) from 1988. It has Cynthia Rothrock, George Chung, Leo Fong, Chuck Jeffreys, and Richard Norton. Based on the cast alone, it's probably better than this film of the same name from '85. There are also other movies called Jungle Heat out there: one dates all the way back to 1927, another from 1957, and one from 1983, which is also called Dance of the Dwarfs and stars Peter Fonda and Deborah Raffin. Just to avoid any confusion, the one under discussion today was directed by Jobic Wong (which sounds more like an argument over a pen: "That ain't Jobic, that's my Bic!").


In the end, if you like movies like War Camp or maybe even Dog Tags, you may be able to wring some entertainment value out of the rag that is Jungle Heat. Sam Jones has done better, and there are far more explosive and entertaining entries in the Exploding Hut genre, such as Mannigan's Force or Commander. Maybe go with those instead, unless you're on a quest to see every Jungle film of all time.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Dark Angel: Psycho Kickboxer (1997)

 

The Dark Angel: Psycho Kickboxer (1997)- * * *

Directed by: David Haycox, Joseph Lennon, and Mardy South

Starring: Curtis Bush, Tom Story, Rodney Suiter, Kim Reynolds, and Rick Clark

""Just what I need, a black man in a wheelchair..." - Alex Hunter

Alex Hunter (Bush) is a kickboxer...but is he a PSYCHO kickboxer? After his fiancé and his father are murdered by the goons of local crime boss Hawthorne (Story), he could go that way. Though badly beaten, he is nursed back to health by the mysterious, wheelchair-bound Joshua (Suiter). Joshua has his own reasons for vengeance against Hawthorne and his thugs, but because of his handicap, he trains Hunter to be his, well, HUNTER of the baddies. After regaining his strength, Hunter does what any of us would do, he hits the streets of Virginia Beach, Virginia dressed in ninja togs and proceeds to clean up the trash. Now, not only has he become a media figure dubbed "The Dark Angel", but a tabloid reporter, Cassie (Reynolds) and an old-salt private investigator, Jack Cook (Clark) are out to find out who The Dark Angel is. On top of that, there's now a $10,000 bounty on his head. Will Hunter and Joshua get vengeance? Will this street hero be unmasked? And will he truly go PSYCHO on us all?



Psycho Kickboxer is not a long-lost sequel where Norman Bates learns Martial Arts. No matter how much we may want that, that's not what this is. Nor is it related to Dark Angel (AKA I Come in Peace) (1990), or any other movie or TV show named Dark Angel. What it IS is a ton of low-budget fun that you can't help but love. And apparently it was a labor of love for its three credited directors and everyone else involved, if its five-year gestation period is anything to go by. But it was worth it. It has that indefinable quality that us cult movie hounds are always looking for. Much like its spiritual cousin Geteven (1993), this should be released by Vinegar Syndrome just as soon as possible so it can be exposed to a wider audience.



Curtis Bush as The Dark Angel/Alex Hunter is a lovable lunkhead who looks like if Freddie Mercury was a meathead. His relationship with the Joshua character is reminiscent of Full Contact (1993) and the Jerry Trimble-Marcus Aurelius vibe. As with a lot of regional productions, many of the actors look like more established thespians: Story as Hawthorne in a medium budget production would be played by Richard Lynch, with a high budget it would be John Lithgow, and in a prestige production it would be Anthony Hopkins. Chief Hunter (Alex's Dad) would be Dean Stockwell. And so on.



It's never quite specified where in Virginia Beach this is supposed to be, but there is a LOT of crime. Seemingly every few seconds someone is being mugged by thugs. There's more crime here than in Cabot Cove, Maine. (As Jessica Fletcher has taught us after 12 seasons, it's the murder capital of America). The Dark Angel: Psycho Kickboxer shows us a world where every man either has a mullet, wears Zubaz pants, or both. (If you're a real man, both).


Hawthorne is a tremendous baddie. He has a boo-hiss olde-style villain "evil laugh" (if he had a mustache surely he would twirl it), he wears ruffled prom-in-the-70's shirts for no discernible reason, and his hideout is a restaurant with a giant screen that appears to play C-SPAN non-stop. I guess he's showing his age a bit there. But if you're paying attention, you'll notice a genuine commercial for Quicken on the screen. It will really make you miss the 90's.


Some other comparisons: the "street ninja" (which also could have been the title of the film) plot will remind you of the "karate man" storyline of Out For Blood (1992), and the overall qualities of the film are reminiscent of Warrior of Justice (1995), Rage of Vengeance (1993), Equal Impact (1995), or Extreme Force (2001). There are many other reasons to enjoy TDA:PK, including a Greek Chorus of sorts provided by two wacky Morning Zoo-type DJ's (who seemed like the real thing to us; more mullets and one of them vaguely resembles William H. Macy), the whole thing seems like it was written by people whose first language was not English, and did we mention on top of all this that there's GORE? Yes, Lucio Fulci eat your heart out because Psycho Kickboxer is bringin' the gore as a sort of bloody icing on the cake. You gotta respect the fact that their ambition was not limited by their budget.



Joshua makes explicit mention of the fact that they're in "an old abandoned warehouse!" and a movie highlight occurs with the parking lot fight with an assailant who looks disturbingly like Yakov Smirnov. From the style of the opening credits and their accompanying music, to the varying styles of acting (?) and different film stocks, to the local color, strange dialogue, 90's fashions, the fight scenes, and of course the gore, there's always something entertaining going on with Psycho Kickboxer. As far as we're concerned, it's a diamond in the rough just waiting to be rediscovered. This is the sort of find we love discovering. Check it out!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Wanted Man (2024)

 

Wanted Man (2024)- * * *

Directed by: Dolph Lundgren 

Starring: Dolph Lundgen, Michael Pare, Christina Villa, Aaron McPherson, and Kelsey Grammer

There was a drug deal gone wrong. Unfortunately, it didn't go right this time. Or any other time. During said DDGW, some undercover DEA agents got shot and killed by some mysterious masked assailants. It turns out that two hookers, but especially one named Rosa (Villa) witnessed the murders. It falls to a grizzled old salt cop named Travis Johansen (Dolph) to go to Mexico and safely retrieve Rosa, so she can come to the U.S. and testify. It seems he was chosen for this job because Johansen said some politically-incorrect things and the media is roasting him. So, to take the heat off, and to not seem as much like a supposed "racist", Johansen goes south of the border for his task.


However, as you might expect, things go sideways, shootouts and danger ensues, and Johansen and Rosa - who start out like the original odd couple - must learn to work together and get along. Johansen has some other officers or former officers as associates, Brynner (Grammer), Tinelli (Pare), and Hilts (McPherson). He also has to hide out with Rosa's family for a while. But who can he trust? What will Johansen learn? And why is he a WANTED MAN?


The talent and legacy of Dolph seemingly knows no limits, and Wanted Man is his eighth directorial effort, which he co-wrote with Michael Worth of Fists of Iron (1995) fame. Dolph and company were smart in the execution here. As he was about 70 years old at the time of filming, naturally he leans into the older, "dinosaur cop" idea. There's even a line of dialogue where someone tells him, "87% of your colleagues have retired!" But the Johansen character is old school, a workhorse, a real man in an age of memes. That's where a lot of the pleasure of Wanted Man can be found.

There's a scene with three legends sitting around at a strip club - Dolph, Kelsey, and Michael Pare. This should be enough right there to check out this film which is 82 minutes before the end credits. Tinelli, Pare's character, says something like, "Why are you guys always hanging around in strip clubs? They're so 80's", to which Johansen replies, "I like the 80's!" From this, and perhaps certain other things that are said in this scene (heh heh), we felt we were on home turf and the rest of the film glided forward as easily as a child's sled on ice.


There are certain parallels to The Last Marshal and Gran Torino. If you enjoyed those, you could perhaps see this as Dolph's version. Like many films that are made these days, the scale is smaller but the professionalism is there. It may not have a gigantic Hollywood budget, but it doesn't need one. The plot is simple but effective. Not every movie that comes out needs to be a Christopher Nolan-style Rubik's Cube. There are some shooting scenes which satisfies the action quotient, but all in all it's pretty low-key. It's an alternative to the slam-bang John Wick style of action.


There are some of the classic cliches on display that we all know and love. I don't want to give most of them away, but here's some advice: never talk about the future. If you're a character in a movie who is moonbeaming on about the wonderful life you're going to have soon, uh oh. Don't do that unless you plan to wear a bulletproof helmet.


Other Dolph connections: he is usually some type of "man". Wanted Man, Missionary Man (which he also directed), The Best Man, he was in Men of War, and this may be a stretch, but he was also in Aquaman and its sequel. He also continues his tradition of shooting people in the face: It happens here, in Missionary Man, The Russian Specialist, and probably others. So, clearly, Dolph's still got it - he always had "It" - and Wanted Man is merely a humble reminder of that fact.


Wanted Man is recommended for Dolph fans (who isn't one?) and many people have said it's one of his best for a while. It's noticeably better than a lot of the DTV slop that's out there these days. And Kelsey Grammer with a gun, capering around in a series of loud Hawaiian shirts only sweetens the deal.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Raiders Of The Golden Triangle (1983)

 

Raiders Of The Golden Triangle (1983)- * *

Directed by: Sumat Saichur

Starring: Sorapong Chatree and Manop Aswathep 

"Jerks! I'll kill you both personally!" - Camp Guard

It appears that Cheng Sai Fu (all character names featured in this review are approximate, based on what we think they were saying. There's no way to check this and if we make any errors, please let us know) is an evil opium warlord in the Golden Triangle. A team is assembled by what is most likely a military faction of the Thai government in order to infiltrate and then put an end to the drug-running and villainy. Chat is the "best gunrunner", Pet is "the best secret agent we have", Room is a bomber pilot with a "100% hit record", and then there's Maj. Pachak (Chatree), who is presumably the leader of this group.




Meanwhile, there's a guerilla leader named Bo Kar Wing who is seeking freedom from the tyranny of the drug runners. He has a sister named Rong Fa that he's worried about. Cheng Sai Fu has a lieutenant named Tulip (Aswathep) who is a no-nonsense female fighter. Also there's an overweight guard named Fatass. The baddies want to root out the mole (s), and there's something in there about Burmese troops. Will Maj. Pachak shut down the opium dealers for good?




After Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), raiding things became important. We had Raiders of the Magic Ivory (1988), Raiders of the Sun (1992), and even Raiders of the Living Dead (1986), among many others, I would have to assume. The director of today's film, Sumat Saichur, has only two credits to his name: Raiders of the Golden Triangle, and a follow-up, Raiders of the Doomed Kingdom (1985). I guess he loved raiding things back in the 80's as much as everybody else. Could it be that film producers thought that if they put the word "Raiders" in there somewhere, patrons at small, mom & pop theaters and video stores might get confused and/or excited? We may never know.




As for the movie itself, after a brief "assemble a team" sequence in the beginning, it's largely a POW drama, with some war action thrown in towards the end. There are blow-ups, shootings and exploding huts, but you have to wait for them. It's all in the final section. The drama of it all is somewhat undercut by the typical yelling-screaming-emotionless-loud English dubbing so prevalent of the period. There is definitely some humor to be had by all this, especially with characters like Fatass, but it's all pretty standard stuff.




If you remember the Mercs DVD box set that came out sometime in the mid-2000's, this film would fit into it perfectly. The character of Tulip reminded us of Lt. Molly from Cobra Thunderbolt (1987). Coincidentally enough, both films star Sorapong Chatree. It's a small world.




At times it feels like they're going for some sort of cross between POW The Escape (1986) and a low-budget Apocalypse Now (1979). You have to appreciate their ambition, but the pacing is not what Western viewers are used to. It's probably more appropriate to small audiences in rural Thailand. It seems that they would be the most appreciative audiences for this sort of thing.



ROTGT - or "rotgut", as its fans definitely call it (and what you may need to get through it) (just kidding, it's not that bad. I just couldn't help myself) did get a release in West Germany (as it was at the time of course), Greece, Spain, and Japan. At least there was a VHS release in Japan, as that's what we viewed. And because EVERYTHING came out in Japan at that time. It even screened in May 1983 at the Cannes Film Festival. You'd think that would be enough to snag a U.S. VHS release, but, alas, no.



Two men with non-Asian-sounding names, Norman Carrigan and Gerald Meyers, are the credited writers. They have no other credits. They could be pseudonyms, but

I would like to believe that they wrote Raiders of the Golden Triangle, felt they had achieved perfection, and hung up their typewriters for good. What is their connection to this rare and largely unknown film? It's yet another mystery surrounding ROTGT.



So, if you like the jungle-set, war-based actioners that proliferated at the time, and you're not averse to some exploding huts, you could certainly do worse than Raiders of the Golden Triangle, but it does lean into the dramatics a little more than is usual. That might not be to everyone's taste, but if you can find it and you've seen every other exploding hutter out there, feel free to give it a whirl.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Time Burst: The Final Alliance (1989)

 

Time Burst: The Final Alliance (1989)- *1\2

Directed by: Peter Yuval

Starring: David Scott King, Michi McGee, Douglas Harter, Richard Rogers, Gerard Okamura, and Beano

A guy inexplicably named Urbane (he's not) (King) is on the run. One minute he's in a plane crash with a bigwig antiques dealer named Rush (Rogers), and then a woman named Jane English (McGee), who is from 'The Agency' picks him up. Then there's a samurai swordfight from hundreds of years ago between a Japanese man and a mustachioed white guy who they call "White Man". It seems that some gangsters and baddies want "The Tablets", which contain the secret to immortality. The Master (Okamura) is the keeper of said tablets. Confusion ensues. Will Urbane and English accomplish whatever it is they've set out to accomplish? And, better question, will you care?


Oh Highlander (1986), what hath you wrought? First it was The Swordsman (1992), then, without explanation or warning, Gladiator Cop: The Swordsman 2 (1995), and now this. Just because Highlander did it doesn't mean YOU have to have immortal people with swords too. It's not just that the Highlander films had budgets behind them and this doesn't. It's more that Time Burst: The Final Alliance has a confusing and messy plot structure, no likable characters or development, and a lackluster "meh" quality to it all. This leads to a less-than-satisfying viewing experience. By the 'time' it was over, it felt like four hours had passed.



What exactly is a "time burst" anyway? Did anything burst in this film? I'm trying to remember. After you watch it, all recollection of having done so drains down the memory hole of your brain. For that matter, was there a "final alliance"? This title is just a melange of random words meant to trick you into renting it at the video store in the late 80's or early 90's.


The one positive we can point to here is the presence of Gerald Okamura and his voice. Any time he talks, things pick up. But that's just not enough to save a 93-minute jumble. Oh, and Douglas Harter's cameo. That was good too. Of the Peter Yuval films we've seen, Dead End City (1988), Firehead (1991), and this, Time Burst is definitely the weakest. Unlike Firehead, there's not even a Special Operations Computer Bank on hand, never mind Chris Lemmon. If you're familiar with AIP, the whole thing has an Armed For Action (1992) vibe - but, yet again, no Joe Estevez or even Rocky Patterson to liven things up.



TB:TFA has serious pacing problems. It's rarely clear what's going on, and the characters don't hook you in enough for you to really care. There's no one, central baddie to hiss at. Someone like Eric Roberts would have breathed much more life into the Urbane role. They couldn't afford Eric Roberts, but they could afford Beano. So, there's that.


The only reason to watch this film is if YOU are immortal and have lots of time to kill. For everyone else, it may be wise to steer clear of this particular Burst.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Protector (1998)

 

The Protector (1998)- * * *

Directed by: Boon Collins

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Steven Nijjar, and Matthias Hues

Steven Fuller, not to be confused with Steven (Nijjar), has amnesia. We know this because he seems to be stuck inside some sort of an MRI machine and he's making a lot of funny faces and noises. He's having flashbacks. Or maybe they're flash FORWARDS. They could even be flash PRESENTS. But in any case, this dude's got something wrong with his brain. It also seems that a crime boss named Gunther (Hues) is after Fuller. He has a team of female assassins he sends out to try and kill him. The answers to why this could possibly be could lie in his flashbacks/forwards/presents. Thankfully, Fuller has a PROTECTOR. His name is John Cole (Zags). He's a monosyllabic meathead minus the machinations of emotion. Things really get real when the baddies kidnap Fuller's son. Because he has a son, apparently. Punchings and shootings ensue. Then we all get back to what we were planning to do that day.


The Protector is low budget, low rent, and low brow. But it IS funny. We have at least three other movies to date called The Protector on the website. The review you're currently reading is NOT for the one with Lee Majors, Ed Marinaro, and a talking computer named Gertrude. This one beat that one into video stores by a scant year.


Things get off to a bang-up start when first we see a super-serious Zagarino face staring out at us in a dramatic fashion, then we get a Hard Justice-esque action scene where Nijjar jumps across the tops of some cars as everything blows up around him. It may not be as slick and as masterfully done as Hard Justice, but they were clearly trying. Then we get to Fan Favorite Matthias Hues wearing an open-chested leopard print blouse of some sort, and he's never looked more Fabioey.


All the spoken dialogue sounds strange, and features dumb dialogue spoken dumbly. From there on out it's a Victoria Falls of stupid. Mind you, this is not an insult. We highly enjoyed the nonstop action and stupidity of The Protector (1998). You just have to be in the right mood and the right frame of mind. Imagine a cross between Nijjar's The Final Goal (1995) and Zags & Hues's Deadly Reckoning AKA The Company Man (1998), then subtract several thousand dollars in budget and a good amount of brain cells, and you might have some idea of what to expect here.


Nijjar's son in the film has a very odd voice. It sounds like a 47-year-old man putting on what he thinks is a "little kid voice". It's absolutely hilarious. From the front, Nijjar looks a lot like Michael Imperioli. From the side, he's a dead ringer for Eric Bana. Speaking of lookalikes, for the artwork for this film, front-and-center Zags looks disturbingly like Brigitte Nielsen. See above and tell us if you agree. Zags's extreme monotone is not explained. Our theory is that he thought that he might be playing one of those Project Shadowchaser robots and he got confused.


There's a very silly and extended fight in a strip club that is very Cormanesque. This was around the time that he was producing a lot of action and stripping movies, both separately and together. Maybe our two directors were trying to tap into that vein. Guaranteed, there is a lot more grunting here than maybe anywhere else. According to Google's "AI Overview", "Monica Seles and Jimmy Connors were also considered pioneers of grunting in tennis". According to MY overview, Frank Zagarino and all his opponents are considered pioneers of grunting in low-budget action films.


Gunther says "no more excuses", instead of the more standard "no more mistakes". Cole also says a variation on "we got company". This is the extent of screenwriting innovation on display. Of course, there is a "DISC" that everyone is looking for and is the key to everything. Gunther says, and I'm paraphrasing, that it's now 1998 and we live in a new era of information. He's going to hack into Fortune 500 companies. We're not exactly sure why. But in order to stop this, Cole has to punch a lot of people. It's brute force vs. CD-ROM force. Who will win?


For a brain-numbing dose of "Amnijjar", punch yourself several times in the face and watch The Protector (1998) today!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

The Eliminator (2004)

 

The Eliminator (2004)- * *

Directed by Ken Barbet

Starring: Bas Rutten, Michael Rooker, Danielle Burgio, and Paul Logan

One moment, Dakota Varley (Rutten) is competing in a rather lengthy boat race. The next, he is kidnapped and spirited off to a remote jungle location. It seems some other people have met the same fate, including Jesse (Logan) and Santha (Burgio). Yet another evil mastermind (why are there so many of those?) named Miles Dawson (Rooker) has set up a "survival game" where the contestants are implanted with tracking chips and the winner supposedly wins ten million dollars. Of course, Varley, and to a lesser extent, Jesse and Santha, don't like this very much. Much like Gilligan and his shipmates, they try to get off the island. But Miles Dawson has a command center, a bunch of rich friends, and some goons, so it won't be easy. Who, in the end, will be THE ELIMINATOR?



You'll be rootin' for Rutten in this time-honored "Most Dangerous Game" tale, if you can look past the utter lack of originality and low production values, that is. Okay, if you've seen The Condemned (2007), Surviving The Game (1994), Deadly Game (1991), The Game (1988), Soldiers of Fortune (2012), The Tournament (2009), Death Ring (1992), or Seized (2020) - not to mention Hard Target (1993) or the original Most Dangerous Game (1932), not to mention all the countless other derivations we don't have the time or space to list here - you might have some idea what to expect with The Eliminator. An alternate title for the film is even Varley's Game. The puzzling part is why the filmmakers behind The Eliminator wanted to run through this sort of storyline one more time, without adding a single new element or bit of insanity that would spice things up.



Adding insult to injury is the pale, washed-out cinematography and needless editing tricks that can't possibly distract viewers enough from the pervasive feeling that you've seen all this before. If that's the purpose of your editing style, you've definitely got a problem on your hands. Because we're now in the early 2000's, unnecessary and facepalm-inducing CGI was evidently deemed needed. There are also "Bugs Bunny"-style sound effects, and even whooshing noises as the camera whips around more than Willow Smith's hair.



However, it's perhaps not all bad - Bas Rutten is likable enough. He looks like a cross between Stabler (i.e. Christopher Meloni) and Randy Couture. He's well-suited to the action scenes, which are mostly of the beat-em-up variety. Paul "Ballistica" Logan is here too as a sort of sidekick. The film mostly vacillates between these jungle scenes with the punch-ups and occasional kills, and Rooker with his upper-class-twit buddies as he gives orders in his command center. In that sense, it's not that different from the Bourne series of films, give or take a few million dollars (but who's counting)? There's also one exploding helicopter for those keeping track at home.



As indicated earlier, The Eliminator is not wacky enough to stand out. It's all played stultifyingly straight. Try as he might, the charm of Bas Rutten isn't enough to overcome that, or the whole low-rent feeling of it all. Of course it's all very stupid, but it's also The Eliminator. I think it's also important to remember that Survivor was still a pretty hot TV show at the time. Maybe someone thought, "Hey, let's make a low-budget actioner that takes the idea of being a survivor literally, and add Bas Rutten and Michael Rooker". Voila, there you have it.


Featuring the end-credits song "Will To Survive" by Ian Springen (at least that's what we think the credit said; they're as washed out and hard to see as everything else) The Eliminator is not what you'd call essential viewing. It may only appeal to die-hard Bas Rutten fans, or fans of the "Most Dangerous Game" cliche.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Extreme Force (2001)

 

Extreme Force (2001)- * * *

Directed by: Michel Qissi

Starring: Hector Echavaria, Michel Quissi, Youssef Qissi, and Nikki Lemke

Marcos DeSantos (Echevarria), Cole (Youssef Qissi) and Bianca (Lemke) are a trio of thieves. But they're not your garden variety smash-and-grab types. They use slick and intelligent methods against high-class targets. After their latest score, Marcos wants out. He's not such a bad guy after all and he decides he's had enough. This doesn't sit well with the malevolent Cole, who is always on to a new score. Cole, being the baddie and all, shoots Marcos. This isn't a spoiler. It's just the beginning.



For some reason, some of the political higher-ups of Mongolia are visiting Orlando, Florida, where our trio of thieves are based. After Marcos gets shot, he is spirited away to the secret beachside base of said Mongolians. Part of his recuperation involves re-training everything he knows with the taciturn Martial Arts master Kong Li (Michel Qissi). He has to convalesce in much the same way Radical Jack once did. R-Jack didn't have Kong Li, but you get the idea. Once at odds, now partners, even Kong Li has to succumb to Marcos's winning charm.



What follows is a sort of Original Odd Couple revenge mission as Kong and Marcos try to find Cole to get justice (but not Cole Justice). Will our two heroes employ some classic EXTREME FORCE against the baddies?



It's called EXTREME FORCE. Of COURSE we're going to watch and review it! The only question is why it took so long to get here. Well, good things take time. Yes, the budget is quite low and the cinematography isn't exactly Kubrick-level. Just about everyone in the cast sounds post-dubbed, which gives an otherworldly feel to the proceedings. Especially with all the accents. But you're not watching Extreme Force for the technical whys and wherefores. If you're going to nitpick that sort of stuff, best avoid it altogether. But if you want to have some fun as Hector Echevarria and Tong Po...sorry, Kong Li, get involved in one silly beat-em-up fight after another, you may have a winner on your hands here.



There are not one, but two barfights. Clearly, with Qissi as director and co-writer, not to mention a plot that isn't the most intricate on God's green earth, special time and attention is paid to the fight scenes, which paid off. They're very fun to watch. A special highlight comes when Marcos and Kong are riding horseback in the countryside and they come across some bumpkins who want to steal their pants. That's right, I said pants thieves. You gotta watch out for 'em. Marcos, Cole and Bianca want diamonds and jewels, these dudes want pants. Circle of life. Hakuna Matata. Anyway, it doesn't go well for the bumpkins.


There are some pacing issues: after a fast-paced and fairly intricate fight scene, it takes seemingly double that amount of time just for Marcos to leave the building. There are other examples, but no matter. Hector Echevarria seems like his usual happy self throughout - he was in Los Bravos the same year; no wonder he was so happy. At one point he gets in the back of a limo and the driver is blasting this Latin music and he does a sort of sitting-down Merengue. You can't help but love it.


Then Marcos/Hector is in an elevator with two elderly women. The elevator stops and he gets out and walks away. The two oldsters then mention how he should be in Chippendales and say, "Look at THAT!", like Hector is the biggest hunk on earth. It's scenes like the above-mentioned that make Extreme Force Extreme Force. Even the end credits are Extreme - they blast in and out in a way that we've never seen before, but seems entirely appropriate to what we just watched.

If you liked Los Bravos, you should definitely check out Extreme Force. If you haven't seen that, and have no idea what we're talking about, see both anyway. Ignore the typical low-budget pitfalls and just have some fun.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Soldier's Fortune (1991)

Soldier's Fortune (1991)- * *

Directed by: Arthur N. Mele

Starring: Gil Gerard, PJ Soles, George Buck Flower, Barbara Bingham, Janus Blythe, Cindy Guyer, Randy Harris, Wild Bill Mock, Juan Garcia, Grainger Hines, Ken Olant, Orestes Matacena, and Charles Napier

Jennifer Alexander (Guyer) and her friend Millie Prichard are just two high schoolers at cheerleading practice. Before they know it, they're being kidnapped by armed baddies who swoop down in a helicopter. Millie may or may not survive the attack. Jennifer's mother Susan (Bingham) does what any parent in that sort of situation would do: she immediately calls Robert E. Lee Jones (Gerard). A soldier of fortune (as opposed to Soldier's...Fortune), Lee, as everyone calls him, assembles a team of his former compatriots to execute the rescue mission.

Included in this team are T-Max (Flower), a grizzled old salt and current blues bar owner, Hollis Bodine (Haggerty), the town rabble-rouser and knife expert, his brother "Fresno" Bob Bodine (Mock), Low Eddie (Garcia), Big Sam (Harris), who is blind but has super-hearing, and maybe a few others. When Millie's sister Alex (Blythe) wants to join the fray, she has to overcome some classic "but you're a WOMAN!" sexism but eventually shows her mettle. But it's not going to be easy, because Col. Blair (Napier) is a longtime rival of Robert E. Lee Jones. Plus, he doesn't like him all that much. And Blair has a sidekick named Rojas (Matacena) who appears to be like Billy Drago doing a Marlon Brando impersonation. And what does Debra (Soles) have to do with any of this? Find out...today?

Gil Gerard probably hates George Peppard. One can only assume that he burned with jealousy, thinking that the "Hannibal" Smith role on the A-Team should have rightfully gone to him. Heck, their names even rhyme. Gerard probably feels the same way about Lee Majors. Once Majors became the beloved Fall Guy, Gerard must have thought he got screwed...again. Unless you count Soldier's Fortune, Gerard has been consigned to the dustbin of action history. He's just a guy with a lumbering walk who kind of looks like a cross between Treat Williams and George W. Bush. He has "Dumb Face" a la Howie Long and seems like he's going to say "HUH?" at any moment.

Thankfully, there are some quality character actors here to back him up. It was nice to see George "Buck" Flower in a solid role that isn't the town drunk. This time, he owns a bar. He's moving up in the world. His croaking voice is endearing and you gotta love him. He is also the Machine Gun Joe character this time around, but I guess he's "Machine Gun T-Max". T-Max sounds like a sort of VHS tape, but his bar sells "T-Max Tea", which is a must-try when you go to T-Max's.

We were happy Dan Haggerty was here as well. Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992). For the supposed main baddie, we don't see him all that much. Seeing him more would have improved the proceedings overall. Ken Olandt of Digital Man (1995) fame also has a small role. Harris as Big Sam was a nice addition to the team. He was blinded by some sort of flash grenade on one of his earlier missions with Lee. As a man who is Black and blind, he took the only career path available to him: a blues guitarist.

While Soldier's Fortune features some things we like seeing: camaraderie among the assembled team, some 40-50-year-old punks, and some shooting-based action scenes (not to mention other classic cliches like the prerequisite torture of the hero (es)), it must be said that there isn't a ton of forward drive here, and no suspense whatsoever. It's all kind of staid. There are a smattering of standout details, like the bizarre scene involving a Chucky doll, the fact that Jennifer has a Bon Jovi poster on her wall, the strange names such as T-Max and Link Strutt (Hines), and the occasionally MASH-esque soundtrack. Not to mention Hollis Bodine's knife expertise. But it's all kind of middle-of-the-road.

The plot does prefigure Taken (2008) by many years, but instead of calling in Liam Neeson, she calls in Chad Everett....er, sorry, Gil Gerard, to handle business. If you were in a video store in 1991, with all the other choices on the shelves, it's hard to imagine anyone aggressively opting for Soldier's Fortune. With hindsight, and the advantages of history, we can appreciate certain aspects of it, mainly the solid B-Movie cast of familiar faces. But it all lacks a certain oomph, a certain punch that we've all come to expect.

Soldier's Fortune is by no means bad, but is missing some crucial ingredients to make it a film worth recommending.

Comeuppance Review: Brett and Ty

Transformed (2005)

 

Transformed (2005)- * * *

Directed by: Efren Pinon

Starring: Leo Fong, Stack Pierce, Ken Moreno, Shirlee Knudson, Tadashi Yamashita, Fred Williamson, and George Dilman

Something dastardly is happening in the city of Westgate, California. Drug dealers are running wild in the streets, even recruiting young tots into "the life". Seemingly at the top of this food chain is Cholo (Moreno). But the corruption goes way higher than that: The Mayor (presumably he's Mr. and Mrs. Mayor's son) (Pierce) is acting as a CIA front in order to move drugs to fund their secret, illegal wars. But, on a more local level, Pastor Debra (Knudson) has had enough. Utilizing all the face-punching and groin-kicking that Jesus will allow, she becomes the community hero we didn't know was in our midst during Sunday services.

But Pastor Debra is not alone in her quest to clean up the streets. Besides the aforementioned Jesus, she also has a mysterious man known only as The Fist (Fong), and, of course, The Hammer (Williamson) on her side. But she'll also have perhaps the most unexpected help of all in the form of a certain reformed, or, shall we say, TRANSFORMED man...who will it be? Do your best to try to find out!

Transformed is the type of movie we love finding. It's a gem: a true labor of love that features "real people" - and provides homespun, homemade entertainment at its finest.

However, certain people may not "get it". The production values, if you want to call them that, couldn't really be lower - think Kindergarten "Ninja" (1994) meets Streets of Rage (1993) - but it's all part of the charm. (Plotwise, think Private Wars (1993) meets Street Corner Justice (1996)). Director Pinon and the gang didn't let something trivial like a lack of money stop them from achieving their dream. This is what we have called other, similar films in the past "Backyard Action". If you go with its flow, you will have a smile on your face the entire time as you blissfully float along in its absurd wake.

There are almost too many highlights to mention, and we want you to experience them for yourself, but certain things must be noted. The whole thing kicks off - literally - with an unexplained beating, and then goes into some Commodore 64 graphics. While the release date is 2005, Transformed could easily be from 1989, if not earlier. Not long after, we see Cholo (who in one scene and one scene only is referred to as "Spiderman") running into a Pizza Hut. (This is the first time not only in cinema history, but in world history, that someone has run in to a Pizza Hut. We've seen plenty of people run out of a Pizza Hut, but that's another story for another day).

Cholo has a son named Billy (of COURSE his name is Billy). He wants to keep him separate from his gangbanging life, so he plies him with quickly-received Pizza Hut food and then, after a shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, Cholo and Billy are at Disneyland. The movie stops for some sweet Disneyland footage, but doesn't explain the 400-mile distance covered in mere seconds.

Then the movie stops again so George Dilman (credited solely as "Ninja") can teach a class of what are presumably police recruits the art of attacking people using pressure points. We were happy that Transformed "Transformed" into a special-interest video about self-defense at this point. George Dilman IS a national treasure, and the fact that this was his only film is the real crime here. We later see him on a date, and he's still talking about pressure points. This guy loves his pressure points. He can do a split just like Van Damme but you don't see him bragging about it.

Later, we see a "corruption list" typed up on Microsoft Word, complete with Clippy on the right hand side, who is only trying to help, after all. Proving this was shot in 2005 and not 1989, a partial list of names on the list includes: George W. Rush, Dick Chen, Rumsfelt Johnson, and Byrant Street (whoever that is). I guess they had to cover themselves just in case anyone in Washington watched Transformed and noticed that list and then got mad.

Fan Favorite Leo Fong is also credited with producing the film, shooting the film (along with Frank Harris, an old Fong/Stack Pierce associate), music, and editing. A Ferdinand Galang is also credited with music (whoever did it, it's far louder than the dialogue, which is muffled, and sometimes mumbled by the amateur actors). Stack Pierce all but reprises his 24 Hours to Midnight (1985) role of White Powder Chan. Werner Hoetzinger also has a behind the scenes role to play. We would have liked to have seen him re-team with his Showdown (1993) co-star Fong.

This was the last film, only American film, and only non-Philippines-shot film for director Pinon. That's a shame. The mind boggles at what he would have come up with as a follow-up to Transformed. Also, someone says about The Hammer, "He's a cleaner who doesn't come to town unless he cleans". Hm. In what may be an in-joke, The Hammer is supposedly shooting a film in the Philippines before he flies to Westgate to help Pastor Debra. (Remember in Dead Alive (1992) when Father McGruder says "I kick arse for the Lord"? Well, Pastor Debra does too). (But you don't see her bragging about it).

We'd also be remiss if we didn't mention that Tadashi Yamashita is here too, also credited as "Ninja", which could be confusing for George Dilman fans. His fight (?) with Fred Williamson may not be a classic for the ages but it's a nice display of weaponry by Yamashita.




It's not every day that a team of Pastors have onscreen credits as consultants before a low-budget action film. Pastor Debra yells "Praise Jesus!" after beating up some baddies. Presumably the Pastors said that was okay. This is the type of movie the adults may make the kids watch at some sort of sleepaway Bible camp. And we should treasure every second of it.


A wonderful oddity, do seek out Transformed. It may tranform...you.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

Seized (2020)

 Seized (2020)- * * *

Directed by: Issac Florentine

Starring: Scott Adkins, Matthew Garbacz and Mario Van Peeples 

In his former life, he was a Special Ops professional badass known only by the code name Nero (Adkins). But today, he is simply a well-meaning dad. Trying to raise a moody teen son named Taylor (Garbacz) who has angst and questions about the loss of his mother, "Nero" now works in Mexico as some sort of IT security consultant. But Nero's past comes back to haunt him in the form of Cartel head Mzamo (Van Peebles). Mzamo kidnaps Taylor, secrets him away in a room that apparently is too cold, and forces Nero to reawaken his old killer instincts and kill off Mzamo's rivals in the drug trade. Nero doesn't want to do it, of course, but he is forced to, now with Taylor's life hanging in the balance.

Given a series of increasingly difficult and dangerous assignments, Nero is coerced into wearing a bodycam so Mzamo and his goons can have a watch party as they sit around, drink muchos cervezas, and chant "Ner-o! Ner-o!" just like the Jerry Springer audience of yore. Soon, truths are revealed, conspiracies get to the top, and familial bonds may be rekindled. All thanks to the healing spirit of violence. Can Nero punch, kick, and shoot his way to the truth - and his son's love? SEIZE your remote control today!

Seized, the eighth collaboration between director Isaac Florentine and star Scott Adkins, is a fast-paced and entertaining action romp that delivers yet more goods to fans. The title Seized may put you in mind of Taken (2007), Abduction (2019, also with Adkins), Stolen (2012), Gone (2012), or perhaps a similar movie of this sort that we made up, Plucked. Some of which may include Liam Neeson, but all pretty much include a kidnapped young person that a man of action must retrieve. Hey, it was 2020 and that was the thing - as were very clear Trumpian references in some of the dialogue. Nero even works from home - very 2020.

But, plotwise, a very close parallel is Acceleration (2019). There, Natalie Burn had to drive around and do "action assignments" because Dolph was telling her to. Here, Scott Adkins must do the same because Mario Van Peebles was telling him to. We actually wouldn't recommend a double-bill of Acceleration and Seized because they're so darn similar. It would be like watching a three-hour version of the same thing.

Mario Van Peebles wears a pretty fantastic hat and his charismatic performance goes a long way, as it usually does. He's a solid foil for Adkins and they pit well against each other. In a big budget Hollywood movie, Dennis Hopper would have, could have, and should have played this role. But as Van Peebles fans we were certainly happy.

Adkins, of course, is no slouch, and in the nightclub scene we get a glimpse of what a John Wick sequel might look like if Adkins played Wick (as opposed to Killa). He's referred to as "The Best" - a classic cliche we all love - and watching him take down baddies is a joy. It was also nice to see him back in Mexico, but this time in a far better film than El Gringo (2012). He even gets his own Mel Gibson Ransom (1996) moment as he demands Mzamo give him back his son.

It's all over quite briskly at the 82-minute mark, as it should be. The audience is never even remotely close to being bored, and the photography is crisp and clear, with everything visible and vibrant.

For another Adkins/Florentine winner - we should all be thankful that they're working so well together still - be sure to check out Seized.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Prepare To Die (2024)

 

Prepare To Die (2024)- * * *

Dirtected by: Jose Montesinos

Starring: Ryan Padilla, Craig Ng, Zhan Wang, Brylee Hsu, Andrew Pinon, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, Paula Rae Taylor, Rylan Williams, Michael Madsen, and Lorenzo Lamas

When Diego Padilla (Ryan Padilla) was just a young tot, the diabolical "Ruler of the Town" - you know the type - Blaine Richtefield (Lamas) one day just showed up on his family's land. Richtefield claimed he needed it so he could create a "beef farm". Said beef farm was so important to Richtefield to farm beef, he killed Padilla's parents. The goons were about to kill Diego as well, but with the help of Richtefield's sympathetic driver Silas (Wang), he escaped. Silas, being Chinese and all, sent Diego to live with his relatives in China. He figured it's going to take that amount of distance to keep him safe from the clutches of Richtefield. While in China, Diego trains in Martial Arts for ten years with Bingwen (Ng) and Xin Yi (Hsu), Silas's kin.




However, after those ten years, Diego figures that's enough time to then return to the States (or is it Mexico?) to get his revenge on Richtefield. Along the way he assembles a team of other people who also have been wronged by Richtefield: William Freeman (Williams), Blanca (Taylor), and James Swiftwater (Pinon). Each has their own skill set, i.e., Blanca is good with knives, Swiftwater has six-shooters, etc. Even though Richtefield has expanded his evil empire to include drugs and prostitution, and has a pimp/sidekick named Ryan Fruitwood (Jackson), Sheriff Hansen (Madsen) just looks the other way. Will our heroes finally take down the nefarious Blaine Richtefield? PREPARE to watch Tubi today!




Ryan Fruitwood. James Swiftwater. Blaine Richtefield. They're ALL HERE! Thanks to the genius character naming by writers Jose Montesinos (also the director) and Jacob David Smith, Prepare to Die consistenly holds the viewers' interest, because people in the movie are always saying these colorful names.




That being said, Prepare to Die is a fairly loving throwback to the 80's/90's-style "assemble a team and beat the bad guy"-type of action film. It doesn't offer anything particularly new to the mix - unless you count go-for-broke character names - but, then again, if you were seeking shocking and startling cinematic originality, you wouldn't be watching Prepare to Die in the first place. The fact that fan favorites Lorenzo Lamas and Michael Madsen are here - together for the first time - is reason enough to watch the film. Lamas plays the dastardly Richtefield (they say that name A LOT in the movie, so get ready for that) with what you might call "awkward aplomb" - he seems at ease, but not really. It's hard to explain. You just have to watch PTD to see what we mean. He looks like a cross between Richard Moll and Neal McDonough in the film. When he and his goons originally killed Diego's parents, he had gray hair. How, after ten years, did Diego know Richtefield wouldn't just die of natural causes? I guess it's just a chance he had to take.




As for our old buddy Mike Madsen...well, let's just say that it's a good thing that Tubi offers subtitles on all its films. It may not be one of his more coherent or "caring" performances, but it doesn't matter. Madsen is always entertaining to watch and this is no exception. Rampage doesn't do a heck of a lot here - his role is slightly bigger than in Acceleration (2019), but not by much. Our main hero, Ryan Padilla as Diego Padilla, is like an angrier Justin Long.




Curiously, there's a lot of unnecessarily repetitive dialogue throughout the film. For example, Diego at one point mentions "money I saved from working" - as if there was another income source he wanted to make sure the audience wasn't considering. Or, at a scene where the Freeman character is playing pool, he says something like, "No one can beat me at pool". We as the audience can see you're playing pool. The second half of that sentence is not needed.




There are other examples of repetition as well - there are multiple scenes of people saying they're afraid to go up against Richtefield, then eventually agreeing to. If the film had less repetition, and instead maybe a few more beat-em-up/shooting scenes, we might have a bit more of a winner on our hands. Repetition is especially noticeable in a made-for-Tubi movie, because we have to sit through six commercials for Mint Mobile just to get to the next scene. So to cover ground we've already covered seems even more superfluous than usual.




However, the filmmakers clearly "get it" - they wanted to make an old-school actioner and they did. We give all due credit and kudos to them for that. We can look past some of the silly-looking CGI (there's not much of it), because it's 2024 and apparently that's the way it is now. We don't have much choice, apparently. So, for the Madsen & Lamas factor, and to get a look behind the curtain of evil beef farms, Prepare to Die is worth a watch.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Black Cobra (2012)

 

Black Cobra (2012)- * *1\2

Directed by: Scott Donovan 

Starring: T.J. Storm, Michael Chinyamurindi, Jeff Wolfe, Uri Mafate, and Cary Tagawa 

Sizwe Biko (Storm) is just trying to live his South African life in South Africa, when, under the apartheid government, his father Sipho Biko (Chinyamurindi) is imprisoned. Sizwe makes it his mission to free his father, which may seem like a daunting task, but he has some aces up his sleeve. One, he's a master Martial Artist, seemingly taught by his now locked-up dad, Two, he has a cache of diamonds that he can sell in order to bribe the corrupt prison guards into letting his father out, and Three, he also has some American connections to offload the diamonds quickly for cash. So Sizwe heads to Hollywood, where he meets up with some old buddies.




When his diamond-fencing contact, a sleazy producer named Nicholas Dean (Wolfe) betrays Sizwe and his friends, things go bad. Quickly bad. Now the head of the local Yakuza, Goro Tanaka (Tagawa), the local law enforcement, and seemingly everyone else is on Sizwe's tail. To make matters worse, his wife is coming to L.A. to check up on him. Will our hero be able to illegally sell his illegal diamonds? Well, he's doing it for a good reason, and he IS the Black Cobra, after all...


Not to be confused with the classic Fred Williamson series of films, this particular Black Cobra has nothing whatsoever to do with The Hammer. You'd think the makers of quote-unquote "Urban" films would have been familiar with the fact that a Black Cobra already existed. It's hard not to think of Fred, who will always be first in our hearts, but T.J. Storm performs more than admirably. His fish-out-of-water Sizwe character is a decent person and likable enough. Storm gets to display his Martial Arts moves perhaps better than ever before, because this is his only starring role to date.


To get a sense of what we're dealing with here, some comparison films are: Razor Sharpe (2001), The Ultimate Fight (1998), The Ultimate Game (2001) (also with Storm), or No Rules (2005). If you liked any or all of those - i.e. low-budget fight-em-up flicks of faltering fortunes, you will no doubt like Black Cobra as well. However, unlike those aforementioned outings, Black Cobra could reasonably be described as a "Homie Movie". Interestingly, despite the filmmakers' budgetary limitations, they concocted a stew of different genres here: Heist Films, Homie Movies, Martial Arts, Gangster Films, Fish-Out-Of Water dramas, Foreign (African and Japanese languages are spoken at times), and even dashes of Romance and Comedy come into play. One of the group of Sizwe's pals is named Mpho (Mafate). Because that's not a name we are used to hearing, combined with perhaps some audio issues, characters with accents, or just not the greatest enunciation, it sounds like they're calling him "Info" or "Nympho". I guess it's just all part of the crazy fun.


The whole first section of the film (all the parts before Sizwe gets to Hollywood) is edited with these quick fade-outs and flashes that make it all seem like one big trailer. We were worried this was going to last for the entire film, but luckily it doesn't. Pretty soon, fighting characters are yelling, yelling characters are fighting, or characters are shooting guns and yelling.


We're not exactly sure how you would ever see this movie - it's not currently streaming anywhere but it did get an under-the-radar DVD release from Lionsgate - but if you ever do come across it, just remember this: It's Sizwe or the highway.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Acceleration (2019)

 

Acceleration (2019)- * * *

Directed by: Daniel Zirilli and Michael Merino

Starring: Natalie Burn, Dolph Lundgren, Sean Patrick Flannery, Chuck Liddell, Quinton "Rampage Jackson, Sally Kirkland, and Danny Trejo






Vladik (Dolph) is a Los Angeles-based criminal mastermind. He has kidnapped a young tot named Mika (Mashukov) because he wants his mother Rhona (Burn) to run down a laundry list of his criminal enemies and either kill them, get something from them, beat them up, or some other task - all this in one grueling night for Rhona. With her beloved son's life hanging in the balance, Rhona will have to summon all her grit and tenacity as she faces a colorful cast of criminal characters such as mob boss Kane (Flanery), his top goon Hannibal (Liddell), Eli (Jackson), Santos (Trejo), among many others. There's also Richie (London), and sympathetic waitress Betty (Kirkland) - but will Rhona survive the night of her nightmares? More importantly, will Mika? And might there be one final twist in this tale?




We know what you're thinking. You're surprised Vinnie Jones and Bai Ling were not in the cast along with everyone else. Well, we were too, but Acceleration is pretty colorful without them - not just the varied cast of characters but the cinematography as well. There are lots of pinks, purples, greens, and neon hues. All this keeps Acceleration from feeling flat like a lot of its DTV brethren. So we've got to give it credit for that.




The simple, streamlined plot allows for the introduction of new characters one after another, and you don't know what you're going to get. Will it be a fight scene, a shootout, or simply a bit of brief dialogue? You don't actually know, which adds an edge of unpredictability to the proceedings. Natalie Burn puts in a good, tough performance that's easy to like. Comparisons to Gina Carano are perhaps unfair but it's hard for your mind not to go there at times. She's credited as a producer, and with casting, on the film and it's a nice showcase for her talent.




Sean Patrick Flanery plays the seemingly Tommy DeVito-influenced gangster with plenty of verve. If Flanery wasn't available, Tom Sizemore easily could have stepped in. Trejo, Rampage, London, and Kirkland all have cameos. Maybe in the case of Kirkland it's a glorified cameo. But Acceleration centers on Burn, with a secondary emphasis on Dolph, with a lot of Flanery in between. As far as Liddell, at least his voice isn't high-pitched, like certain other people we could name. The kid Mashukov holds his own with Dolph and it's pretty cute to watch. Mika could be the new Bin Bin.




Acceleration gives us some classic action movie cliches, such as characters searching for both a ledger and a disc, someone says "We got company!", and in the Trejo scene, there is dialogue to the effect of "We go way back, you and me". The puzzling thing about Acceleration is, after a stylish opening, and an adherence to maintaining that style throughout, plus an obvious dedication to the action genre, the filmmakers also decided on cringey CGI muzzle flashes for all the gun-shootin' scenes, which looks terrible and comes off looking stupid and lazy. Perhaps it's a minor quibble, but it comes into conflict with the style that the filmmakers have shown a tendency towards.




It was co-directed by the late Daniel Zirilli - who will forever be known as the man who made Phoenix (2023) - and Michael Merino, who also wrote the film. Why this is a co-direct we're not exactly sure, as both men seem quite capable on their own. But Acceleration is kind of a "By the Fans, For the Fans" type of DTV action movie and is more than simply "John Chick", as certain wags out there have labeled it. It's better than a lot of its competitors and, except for those muzzle flashes, appears to be trying to rise above its station, which we very much appreciated.




All wrapping up at a brisk 80 minutes before the credits roll, Acceleration is a solid and entertaining entry into the modern day DTV canon.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC and The Video Vacuum!